Pharisee news

The Pope has clarified his position after it was revealed he had broken the rules on celibacy.

Citing the Crown .v. Scotland he said:

"I fully accept the findings of the Conclave that I made a technical breach of the rules. I apologise for having made this inadvertent error."

The Holy Father continued: "Of course this in not a resigning affair, despite the fact I personally promoted this particular piece of Canon law."

Dear God - How much longer must we put up with this dishonest and disreputable bunch?

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

Compare and contrast: £5k versus £120k

Comment would be superfluous.

UPDATE: This from John B...

Don't quite understand Steve Strong's point here.

Scotland employed 1 illegal worker; Coleman employed 12. Both of them did so unknowingly.

£10k is the maximum penalty for that; you get £2.5k off for a first offence (including multiple 'first offences' at the same time) and £2.5k off for admitting fault.

So if Coleman admits fault, he'll be fined £5k per worker like Scotland. If he doesn't, then he'll either be fined nothing or £7.5k per worker, depending on whether he can convince them he's got a defence.

UPDATE: This from a Mr Saltaire...

Am I missing the point, or is everybody else?

As I understand it, the Noble Lady (?!???!?!) was fined because she failed to keep copies of documentation, and was therefore unable to prove that she had seen and checked that documentation.

The point is, had she been able to produce copies of the said documentation, would that not have simply proved that she knew the worker was illegal, since that is apparently what she was?

We all know that the reason the opposition is not making hay on this matter, is probably because half of them are also treading on thin ice themselves in this regard.

R.I.P. honest politics!

UPDATE: This from the Velopodist...

Mr Iliffe is indeed missing the point, as are many others.

Had Lady Scotland photocopied the documents, it seems it would have proved that she was shown fairly convincing fakes.

Reading between the lines of statements issued by those investigating these things, there is an investigation going on into how said fakes got produced and collars will soon be felt.

People are getting upset about it because they want to kick the government and because she's Attorney General - except for the Daily Mail, who just can't stand any prominent left-leaning woman.

The Fact Compiler is getting upset because he is utterly scrupulous in all his dealings with officialdom and could never be reproached for even the slightest technical breach of any rule. It's one of his best-known characteristics.

The Fact Compiler is uncertain whether the Velopodist is extracting the urine?

Flying Scotsman update

Exciting news for lovers of iconic loco 4472.

As many Eye readers will know Flying Scotsman is being extensively rebuilt by the NRM.

As work continues on the locomotive there is a clamour from kettle enthusiasts, keen to see a model of 4472 in an as-is condition.

Word reaches Eye that an enterprising manufacturer has now filled this gap and according to a Mr Roden, the new product is being secretly test marketed in Launceston!


Beautiful and every dimension to the correct scale.

Success for ATOC's new media team

Absolute fury amongst the organisers and sponsors of last week's National Rail Awards, at which John Humphrys was guest speaker.

Someone or somebody broke the railway Omertà!

Which led to the following Evening Standard headline the very next day:

Mastermind? It’s just money for old rope, says John Humphrys

The piece then listed a litany of alleged faux pas from Humphrys' witty peroration.

Who could have been so naive as to have done such a thing?

Obviously someone new to the game.

No matter!

No point in crying over spilt milk.

Clearly when you sup with the Devil you should use a very long spoon... etc...

Meanwhile, perhaps best if ATOC don't invite Lydall again next year!

Mediaballs - Salisbury Journal

This shabby headline from the lame Salisbury Journal:

Train crash near Salisbury

Wrong!

The rest of the story continues:

The black Fiat Bravo was travelling south when it appears to have gone out of control and hit a garden wall on the right-hand side of the road.

The car was thrown back across the carriageway, mounted the kerb and went over the embankment onto the track, where it was hit by the 5.15am express to London Waterloo.

So that would be a 'Car Crash' then?

NR to provide Zil Lines for Olympics?

Good to see that the promise of an Olympics open to all doesn't extend to the good burghers of Nottingham.

This from the Nottingham Evening Post...

Rail chiefs claim they haven't yet decided when the station will close, but Coun Richard Jackson says Network Rail told him the work would be during the London Olympics.

So its 'Zil Lanes' for athletes and 'Zil Lines' for NR engineers.

LibDem's support 30 year franchises

This from Transport Briefing...

Conference supported shadow transport secretary Norman Baker's calls for 30 year rail franchises with five year rolling reviews that would force train operating companies to invest profits in reopening lines and stations.

With both Adonis and the Tories now in favour of longer franchises can we see an end to Dr Death's 'reign of timidity'?

Germans unveil low cost head end power unit

With a bowler tip to Turbostar...


Ouch!

2009 Railway Garden Competition - Balkan Chapter

This from Ben Jones of Model Rail magazine (which he assures Eye is piling on readers)...

Passing through Serbia on my way to Istanbul last week, I was extremely impressed by the countries efforts to win a Gold Medal in the European railway garden competition.


Belgrade’s main station is a particularly fine example of urban greenery, putting Network Rail’s efforts into perspective and setting them a challenging target for next year.


But, for sheer invention, the pile of scrap dumped alongside the new platforms at Athens Larissa station takes some beating. No prizes for spotting the ‘wild card’ item among the usual detritus.


Inspired by such sterling work from our European cousins, expect a raft of articles on how to grass over your Hornby track in Model Rail soon!

Pointless signs #14

This from a Mr MB...

I humbly offer an entry for the 'Pointless Signs' competition, spotted recently at Warrington Bank Quay.


One wonders if this is a statement of Virgin's policy regarding the employment of trans-gender staff...

UPDATE: This from Lazarus...

Not only a pointless sign but also a pointless comma which renders the message grammatically meaningless.

No need for a comma at all, or, if Virgin really want commas, put another one after "facilities".

UPDATE: This from Sir William Pollitt...

So few words, so many errors... the second comma from the sub-clause is absent (it should be after 'facilities') also the random and unnecessary capital letters ('male' and 'female' are NOT proper nouns) and the inaccurate running together of two words 'may and 'be' which, of course, should be separate.

Of course, a normal person would also have said 'person' rather than 'operative' and 'toilets' rather than 'facilities' - but as whoever commissioned this sign is clearly (deleted for reasons of taste. ED), we are not surprised.

Is there a new RE competition here, for the most illiterate railway sign? This horror takes some beating.

Andrew Scott to be Acting Director of NMSI

Internal Announcement

Andrew Scott to be Acting Director of NMSI

I have today on behalf of the Board of Trustees announced the appointment of Andrew Scott as Acting Director following the dismissal of Molly Jackson.

Ms Jackson was dismissed following questions that were raised about whether she had followed the NMSI’s Code of Conduct on potential conflicts of interest in her business dealings.

(Continues in excruciating detail for several paragraphs. Ed)

The recruitment of a new Director NRM is already underway and Andrew is reviewing what arrangements will be put in place in the meantime.

Any queries from the press should be referred to the press office in the normal way.

Lord Waldegrave

Who said Museum life was dull?