Showing posts with label Piss poor PR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Piss poor PR. Show all posts

Monday, 21 August 2017

SWT - the brand that refused to die!

Top tweeting here from the new incumbents of the SWT franchise...


But what is that cheeky logo on the bottom left of the message?

Surely not!


Come on First/MTR social media peeps - it really isn't that difficult to update the on-line branding!

UPDATE: They are getting there!


Note the subtle, but important, change to the hashtag.

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Transport Scotland inventibold new lingua - deep joy

This from The Man by the Photocopier...
 
So Transport Scotland have unveiled their exciting plans for the next ScotRail franchise!
 
Alas, it already looks to have become distressingly derailed in the Editor’s Notes.
 
Apparently, the contract will include a ‘Commitment to taking an innovative approach, true to Scotland’s innovative and entrepreneurial history, to propelling solutions to improved wifi access on trains alongside industry peers.
 
What language is that? Lowland Scots? Gaelic? It certainly isn’t English.
 
Of course! It’s Management Gobbledegook!
 
Trebles, ahem, wee drams all round, then.

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Desperate times: Man inserts ticket

This from Herr Bend o'Ver...

Is this the most desperate press release of the week?

According to FGW...

Newbury MP Richard Benyon will officially open Newbury Station’s ticket gates this Friday following £850,000 investment to improve the station environment...

The MP will tour the station, accompanied by First Great Western Managing Director Mark Hopwood, before opening the new gateline.
 


'Benyon inserts valid ticket' - Hold the Front Page!

UPDATE: This from the Major...

I'm pleased to see that Richard Benyon is to officially open the ticket barriers at Newbury. 


If he could leave them open that would be most useful for all those passengers carrying bags, clutching cups of coffee, pushing prams, nursing arms in slings and everyone else for whom barriers are just that.

Thursday, 17 May 2012

NR Scotland solves passenger train shortage!

This from Network Rail's Scotland Route...


Wagons, carriages, who cares as long as we can cram 'em in!

A degree of interoperability that will no doubt delight the penny conscious inhabitants of Buchanan House?

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Greater Anglia - not with a bang but a whimper

Abellio has published the names of directors of its new Greater Anglia franchise which starts on February 5th.

They are:

  • Ruud Haket, Managing Director
  • Andrew Goodrum, Customer Services Director
  • Adam Golton, Finance Director
  • Thijs Jan Noomen, Projects Director
  • John Ratcliffe, Engineering Director
  • Nanouke van ‘t Riet, Operations Director
  • Andrew Camp, Commercial Director
  • Simone Bailey, Asset Management Director
  • Dave Welham, Interim HR Director
Meanwhile, according to the latest edition of Rail Business Intelligence, the launch of the franchise on Sunday next will be a low key affair.

Perhaps just as well, as Eye understands that media management may not be the new franchise's forte.

Indeed, even the World's Greatest Living Transport Correspondent has struggled to penetrate Clog Rail's wall of silence.

Last week Wolmar (for it was he) made the mistake of calling the PR on the number given in an Abellio press release, only to be told that it was nothing to do with her and that he should jolly well go away and call the main switchboard!
Sadly not a word has been heard since.

Oh Abellio, Abellio, wherefore are thou Abellio!

Thursday, 26 May 2011

East Coast goes for Scottish hearts and minds

Good news for the North British legal fraternity!

Despite apparently missing out on #Flawsuit there still appear to be plenty of opportunities to turn a shilling.

Not least as Alex Salmond has confirmed his determination to stamp out Sectarianism (and quite right too).

With this in mind Eye wonders what MacLearned Friends will make of this?


Happily for East Coast this should make withdrawing from points beyond Edinburgh that little bit easier...

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

First confirmed as Evil Empire - Official

This from Rail.co...

Link
How long before the Alliance does for the Aberdeen Death Star?

Friday, 20 May 2011

McNulty - Transform Scotland gets it!

Exciting news for ScotRail passengers!

This press release from Transform Scotland...

Not so much a request as a dead certainty.

Friday, 15 April 2011

Any Questions?

Sadly no!

It would appear that disruption on the East Coast Main Line has prevented Jonathan Dimbleby chairing tonight's topical debate from The National Railway Museum in Shildon, County Durham.

The panellists who had hoped to take questions from the floor were Employment Minister Chris Grayling, Labour peer Lord Malloch-Brown, Chairman of Interbrand Rita Clifton, and the Liberal Democrats' former Director of Policy Richard Grayson.

No doubt the railway will provide a suitable explanation for today's 'service perturbation'?

UPDATE: This from the Northern Echo...


'Nuff said.

Monday, 14 February 2011

Chiltern enters Pisspoor PR Awards

According to @Chilternrailway...

Our VIPs Wills and Kate at Marylebone.



No doubt this wheeze had them rolling in the aisles in Berlin?

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

What a lovely photo.

I expect Shooter will soon be getting a pre-paid jiffy bag from Brenda so he can return his CBE.

UPDATE: This from
@Chilternrailway...

Ouch..possibly shouldn't have put our cheesiest photo up!


Looking forward to getting a card from you in the post ;)

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

ATOC emasculates the All Line Rover

Good news from ATOC!

From January the All Line Rover, much used by the Noble Lord on his Pilgrimages of Grice, will have early morning restrictions placed on its use.

This from RailUK...

An ALR will not be valid on Mondays-Fridays for boarding or alighting train services operated by CrossCountry, East Coast, East Midlands Trains and Virgin Trains before 10.00 Mondays – Fridays at Birmingham New Street, Bedford, London Euston, London Kings Cross, London St Pancras, Luton, Luton Airport Parkway, Milton Keynes Central, Stevenage and Watford Junction.

Needless to say the price will not be reduced to reflect this loss of flexibility.

According to posts on Twitter these peak restrictions effectively increase the price of the ALR by around 10-15% - that on top of a 15% increase introduced last year.

Regular readers will be aware that ATOC tried to introduce similar restrictions earlier this year, but following an outcry Bernard Street quickly relented.

No such worries this time round.

These restrictions are hardly likely to inconvenience Petrol-head, as he speeds about the country in his Jag.

UPDATE: This from Billy Connections...

So on the Virgin Trains restrictions I can't BOARD at Birmingham New Street but I can at Wolverhampton or Coventry or Birmingham International…??

Same for CrossCountry…??


I hope the grippers are quick or there could be a lot of confusion!

Friday, 26 November 2010

Villiers Vignettes - The sound of silence

This from The Banker...

Cruella was in Leeds this lunchtime on what I think is called a 'whistlestop'.

Sadly no whistle in evidence nor indeed any announcement.

Nothing!

Nothing at all!

Not even a re-announcement!

There might be 100 additional coaches (sorry, carriages!) for Yorkshire, then again there might not.

Who knows?

The Hammond Organs of course refused to say in advance what the visit was all about.

So, predictably, local media ignored it, with just a crowd of three forlornly gathered...

How unlike those euphoric days when cheering crowds thronged the streets to salute the Saviour of the Jammy Dodger!

UPDATE: This from a Mr Mitchell....

Perhaps the reason for the low turnout in Leeds was due to confusion amongst the Tykes about who is actually responsible for today's railways.

This from local rag the Wakefield Express...



Theresa who?

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

PIss Poor PR Award - Pans People Mover

This tosh from the People Parry Mover, who really do need to recruit a proper PR....

LOW-CARBON TRANSPORT PIONEER EXPECTS A BUSY FUTURE

Domestic and export market interest stimulates development work

Parry People Movers Ltd is preparing for a future in which its affordable and environmentally-friendly transport technology is becoming more and more attractive. Actions are being taken as a result of the success of its pioneering commercial application and approaches from potential customers in both domestic and international markets.

Eye has also taken 'actions'! And it involved the circular filing cabinet.

Friday, 22 October 2010

West Yorkshire to get 140mph trains - Official

Exciting news from Yoghurt Rail!

It would appear that the putative Open Access Operator, Alliance Rail, has already stolen a march on Sir Roy McNulty.

Whilst the 'reality based' community is busy working out how joint ventures between NR and TOC's might work Mr Yeowart and his Arriva backed team have apparently solved the problem.

According to the Bradford Telegraph and Argus:

A rail operator has revealed plans to introduce new 140mph inter-city services between Bradford and London and major cities in the north.

Upgrades in CP5? Pah!

Forget NR, let's give the whole network to Yoghurt Rail!

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

NRM exhibits the best of rail PR

Much delight amongst the enthusiast press!

This sorry missive from the National Railway Museum press office dribbled into hacks' inboxes today...

Although we will be too late for all deadlines apart from online publication, here is some information about a competition the NRM is currently running to win the chance to ride on Mallard’s footplate as she is pulled up to Shildon by Tornado.

Please let me know if you would like any images to accompany this story, and if you are interested in entering please come and visit!

As the print titles that this would have appealed to have a collective readership in six figures this appears somewhat of a missed opportunity.

As Kevin Kettle from Steam Heritage Magazine commented:

This is surely an offer that editorial teams would have given their right arm for as a competition prize. How can they miss our deadlines? Was the NRM asleep?

No matter.

Eye notes the unapologetic email was issued by a 'returning press officer'.

Perhaps the return was not soon enough.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

More NR timetabling woes

This from The Street of Shame...

Yesterday Network Rail sent an e-mail to the trade press hacks headed:

INVITATION: Network Rail preliminary results media dinner June 8, 2010

It contained details of the venue for the event, invitations for which had been sent out some time ago

It said:

The dinner will be held on the evening of June 8, from 7pm

Sadly the original invitation stated the do was on Thursday 10 June.

Perhaps relying on the Integrated Train Planning System for media events was a touch over-optimistic?

UPDATE: This from The Archer...

Perhaps the dinner tonight is the preliminary results dinner and Thursday is the dinner for the preliminary results?


Wednesday, 5 May 2010

ATOCballs - new Pendolino carriages arrive today

Despite the recession there is one sector of the economy that is destined to grow and grow.

There must now be legions of experienced railway people employed by publications across the land to render into sense ATOCs wonderfully optimistic press releases.

This tosh from the Bernard Street bunker today:

- Virgin Trains is today adding extra carriages to a number of services from Birmingham to Scotland and an additional train from Preston to Glasgow. The extra carriages are the equivalent of around 1,400 additional seats.

Hmm... adding extra carriages to fixed length nine car Pendolinos has defeated even The Thin Controller - and he had (past tense) millions to throw at the problem.

Fortunately Railnews has been able to decipher the latest ATOCballs:

Virgin Trains has added some 1,400 seats by strengthening several services between Birmingham and Scotland and provided an additional train from Preston to Glasgow.

So hurrah for ATOC - never letting the facts get in the way of a good story.

UPDATE: This from Virgin's Press Office...

ATOC is right we did add extra carriages to the service.

We didn’t say we added carriages into a Pendolino but by joining two Super Voyagers to form a longer train than usual, we added carriages and, more importantly, much needed extra seats to the service to help stranded air passengers get home.

Eye stands corrected!

UPDATE: This from a Mr Reginald Slicker...

It ill behoves the Fact Compiler (sic) to criticise the one organisation in the railway which champions the excellent service provided by the franchised operators.

To repeat a phrase oft used in this blog, as any fule kno Birmingham - Scotland services are provided by Voyagers, noted for their fragrance, silky smooth ride & restful ambience, so it is a simple matter to 'add carriages' by coupling two or even three units in multiple.

Even though railway snobs may call it 'strengthening'.


More power to ATOC's elbow, say I.

I remain, sir,
Yr Obt Svt

R. Slicker

UPDATE: This from Fiona Gail...

Good to see the boys at Virgin defending their trade association. and great to see that the ATOC comms team's rail knowledge is almost good as their political vision, which suggested that the Tories where a sure banker for government.

Of course their political knowledge may prove to be better then their rail knowledge but me thinks not...

Monday, 26 April 2010

Arriva XC - Stable, horse, bolted

This from @SWLines, via Twitter...

XC have definitely reduced the NQY - KYL fare and everything derived from it.

It's now £921.


Too late - the £1,000 fare has already entered folklore. (with a bowler tip to @PlanetAl)

UPDATE: From Steve Strong...

Now that Lord Adonis has sorted out Cross Country fares can he please hold them to their franchise commitments.


Still no WiFi aboard Arriva XC despite a franchise promise to deliver it by 11th November 2009!

UPDATE: This from @SWLines...

@TheFactCompiler got another missing franchise commitment.

XC don't do at seat catering north of EDB/west of PLY.


In fact, they withdrew it!

UPDATE: This from Billy Connections:

Here's a whole list of things XC promised to do...

Introduction of five High Speed Train (HST) sets each with eight state-of-the-art refurbished coaches (total of 550 seats per set), providing longer trains with more seats and luggage space on the major North East-South West route...

Errr... all HSTs reduced by one vehicle and only 2 in daily service - plus two hired to East Coast at the moment...

High quality service on board:

  • introduction of at-seat catering, reflecting customer preferences
  • Wi-Fi access for all seats on all HSTs and Voyagers, and improved mobilephone reception on Voyagers
  • hot plated food available to First Class passengers
  • three members of staff providing on board service on long distance trains
Errr... Catering? Plated food?? Three members of staff???

More like microwaved food on cardboard or plastic containers, not a plate in site, and never seen more than one member of staff in First Class.


And Wi-Fi is not just invisible on the Voyagers but nowhere to be seen on the HSTs either!

So much for The Thin Controller's promise to be tough on ANY franchise which doesn't meet its commitments.

Come on Adonis - with just 8 days to go there may be votes in a breach notice!


Monday, 15 March 2010

Arriva falls at the first fence

This from the Commuter...

Last year Eye ran a piece about John McCririck helping XC promote their services to the Cheltenham Festival.

Well he's back again.

And this time there is a highly professional video making use of some top quality Powerpoint effects.



Poor old John - he looks as shaky as the franchise he is promoting.

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

Perhaps Arriva should would have been better spending McCririck's fee on installing WiFi across its fleets, as it promised when it won the franchise.

According to the shaky TOC this should have been completed by 11th November 2009 (two years into the franchise).


Good to see that Department for Transport is on the case with this clear breach of a franchise commitment.

Friday, 12 February 2010

Eurostar - Wrong kind of report!

Good to see Eurostar is committed to openness and transparency.


Click on the button to download the report on the pre Christmas debacle and you are presented with the following:

Apparently communications was one of Eurostar's failings.

No shit Sherlock.

UPDATE: This mediated via The Gruaniad...

"Eurostar must improve the way it communicates with passengers and put in place new systems and practices to achieve that."

Indeed. Perhaps starting with its website...

UPDATE: This just in from the Eurostar Press Office...

Just saw your blog post on the Independent Report response.

We'll be going live with that in the next 30 minutes or so - we're just waiting until the end of the press conference.

I'll send you the details as soon as the site's up.


Hope that's OK.

It is and thank you for responding.

UPDATE: This further update from a Eurostar Press Spokesman...

Just to follow up on my earlier email here are a few more details on the Review and our response, which Eye posted on in December.

You commented on the need for better communications with passengers.

We are extremely sorry for what happened and take the situation very seriously. We’ve already taken action to address many of the Review’s recommendations, and we are committed to implementing all of its recommendations as quickly as possible. Above all we are focused on:

o Improving passenger care in disruption
o Improving communications, and
o Strengthening the resilience of our trains

We’re investing £30 million in improving the resilience of our trains, passenger care and communications.

We are also appointing a Director to implement the recommendations from the Review, as well as working closely with Eurotunnel, to ensure that this never happens again.