Boris the Proud?

Good news for pyramid of piffle fans.

London Mayor Boris Johnson today launched his personal vision for transport in the capital in a document entitled 'Way to Go!'.

If only it were so.

There is no mention of the future of the Underground PPP, or the cross-river tram and precious little on Crossrail; all of which will consume vast amounts of public dosh.

However, amongst this very thin gruel is one bit of good news.

Boris has decided to rechristen the Thames Tideway tunnel as the Cloaca Maxima.

An interesting choice as, under the guiding hand of Tarquin the Proud, the original claca drained the swamp that allowed the Forum to become the centre of Rome's civic life

But what's this? Tarquin the Proud's rule was so corrupt that his system of government was abolished and he died in exile.

Way to Go! Boris.

Holding to account

This for Railway Eye's enthusiast friends, who appear to be bearing the brunt of our headlong rush into tyranny.



Wishing all Railway Eye readers a happy commemoration of the 5th of November!

Clue's in the name

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
The whole point about the High Level Output Specification was that the civil serpents who drafted the 2005 Railways Act were determined to nail ministers down.

That is why it's called a SPECIFICATION.

So who drafted Paul Clark's 3rd November Written Answer?

Paul Clark (PPS (Rt Hon Ed Balls, Secretary of State), Department for Children, Schools and Families; Gillingham, Labour) | Hansard source

"The Department for Transport is in the early stages of discussions with First Great Western on plans to implement capacity increases to which the Government committed in their High Level Output Statement of July 2007"

Is it possible for DafT to get any more sloppy?

Wright track?

Telegrammed by an 'anonymous' reader
"Railway Eye's man at 222 Marylebone Road makes the schoolboy error of many commentators.

"It is not pro free-market (see previous post) to think that unsustainable, flawed private-sector businesses should be given free government money to stay in existence - quite the opposite.

"The point about capitalism is that companies - whether Metronet or Railtrack - should be allowed to fail when they make mistakes.

"They should then be replaced with other companies.

"They should preferably be private-sector ones, but the world's a messy place and sometimes strange hybrids such as Network Rail are the only answer.

"It's certainly hard to argue they've done a worse job than Railtrack, isn't it?"

This is splendid. Railway Eye is now being 'sockpuppeted' - just like a real blog!

Conundrum

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
Is Mr Wright dazed and confused?

How can Chris Randle's successor be pro-free market while supporting the creation of Railtrack's successor as a Company Limited by Guaranteed State Subsidy?

Has the 'Insider' won another comment franchise?

Penny counting

Today's early morning press call at Paddington saw Lord Adonis announce a £240m commitment to Crossrail from BAA.

In return, according to the press release, there will be 'four fast-train services an hour' to Heathrow.

These will apparently run direct from Heathrow airport to the City and Canary Wharf and out to Shenfield and Abbey Wood (stations omitted by these fast trains were not mentioned in the release).

So with the government offering £5.6bn to the project and BAA £240m that leaves only another £9bn to find!

Finnished off?

Finnish company M-real may start to regret taking on the kettle community.

Railway Eye readers will recollect that M-real has threatened the Sittingbourne Railway with closure.

Undaunted the steam men of Kent have mounted a stout defence of their line.

First up to the barricades was MP Derek Wyatt who took up the cudgels on their behalf.

And now the board of the Heritage Railway Association has donated £1,000 to the SKLR’s fighting fund.

Of course it's not the money that should worry M-real.

Formed of senior lawyers, business people and parliamentarians the HRA Board is extremely well connected.

They could make Gordon's treatment of the Icelandic banks look like a Manse picnic.

No FT No Comment

The recent thread on Chris Randall's departure to Cyprus has excited further reader comment.

A Mr Wright writes from Southwark Bridge:

"You shouldn't worry about the future of Chris Randall's column. I have no doubt at all as to his successor's quality.

"However, I expect his column to become a little more pro free-market and a little less convinced that Railtrack could have survived... "

Who could this mystery man be?

Very Crossrail

Much excitement late this evening as a DafT press release hurtles into The Fact Compiler's inbox.

It is an early morning invitation to a "Photocall with Transport Minister Andrew Adonis to illustrate a major announcement regarding Crossrail"

The Fact Compiler will stay in bed. He doesn't want to be lynched when an increase in the Crossrail business levy is announced.

Back to the future again

In the bad old days of British Rail the industry was rife with Spanish Practices.

For our younger readers these were "irregular or restrictive practices... not in accord with modern business practice" (Thanks Wikipedia).

Fortunately privitisation swept all this bad practice away and heralded a new dawn of partnership where the needs of the customer come first.

Therefore, The Fact Compiler was surprised to receive the following from a reader:

"Heard an excellent spanish practice from (Toc X) last week.

"Depot standbys can only be used to cover work at their home depot, so even if there is a cross cover agreement, the work has to be covered by the home depot.

"Result trains cancelled and passengers pissed off."

Thank goodness that sort of thing doesn't go on today. (Is this right? Ed)

Come out Max, we know you're there!

The Fact Compiler had occasion to read Hello! magazine today and was delighted to see so many people who are famous, for being famous.

Good news, therefore, from the Department for Transport.

Today Lord Adonis announced that he had appointed "Millie Banerjee as Chair and Member of the British Transport Police (BTP) Authority".

The press release continued:

"Millie Banerjee CBE is experienced at Board level with a very strong track record in operations management, consumer service and Human Resources policy, mainly in the communications sector."

"She is presently a Board member of Ofcom, and recently Chair of Postwatch until it merged with Consumer Focus. She is also a Trustee of the Peabody Trust. Previously Millie has had numerous non-Executive Director positions on public bodies, including one in the Strategic Rail Authority and one with the Cabinet Office Strategy Board."

But the press release is too modest.

For in Notes to Editors we read:

Millie remains a Non-Executive Board member of Consumer Focus, for which she is paid £29k

As well as being a Non-Executive Board Member of Ofcom, for which she receives £53k

This on top of her role at the BTP Authority for which she now receives £32,100.00 per annum.

In total ministers have appointed her into roles that grant an income of over £114k a year!

Max Clifford has to be at the bottom of this somewhere.

Old fart's lament

Wonderful!



The Fact Compiler is wiping a tear from his eye!

Little bang

The Fact Compiler is grateful to a reader for bringing this splendidly base-lined survey to his attention.

"Remember the happy days when you closed a branch line by doing a passenger survey on a half day closing in the school holidays...

"Manchester Metrolink obviously have no intention of being caught out in similar fashion..."

Crossrail's consultation team needs to sign up the genius behind this one!

Holy Smoke!

This from Driver Potter's website

Large bang.

It's hot, damn hot!

Trinitarian truth

Regular readers of Railway Eye will recollect that the industry is divided over the correct term of abuse to apply to the InterCity Express Programme.

The Fact Compiler prefers The Frankenstein Train.

Nigel Harris of Rail favours the Camel Class.

A late entrant to the fray is Captain Deltic, who in the latest Modern Railways describes the HST replacement as the Zombie Train.

Whilst the industry may disagree on the best term to describe this appalling civil service procurement exercise we are unanimous in our contempt for it.

Strategic - can you spell that

The Fact Compiler can barely conceal his excitement when the latest FCP Quarterly flops through the letter box.

As usual it is packed full of wonderous wisdom from the industry's Operators of Last Resort.

Better still there is a glossy insert tucked into the latest edition.

A conference flyer - which boldly states "Influencing the Policy Agenda for Rail in the UK".

The Fact Compiler thinks, for a fleeting moment, that this is the call to arms he has been waiting for!

An opportunity for the great and good to come together, think strategically and determine how our industry really can best 'influence the policy agenda for rail in the UK."

Alas, the flyer merely pushes several lacklustre lectures given by the usual industry rent-a-gobs and designed to part sharp suited consultancy carpet baggers from their money.

Nice work if you can get it.

Jungle Ron

Now that Railway Garden season is at an end time to catch up on other lineside horrors.

The excellent site 'Death by Health and Safety' has some splendid shots of the detritus left in or about the cess.

View Jungle Ron's world here.

Is anyone at NR listening?

Lose bolt kills cat!

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
ORR is reported to be waiting for a visitation from the provisional wing of the RSPCA!

The recently mailed out hard copy of the 2008 Periodic Review final determination was a whopping 447 page tome.

Lobbed through a letter box by your average Postie it could reach speeds of almost 12mph by the time it hit the doormat.

With a weight close to 3.5lbs that would be enough to flatten the average moggie or toy dog with extreme prejudice.

Where is elf 'n' safety when it is really needed, demand the pet lovers of Great Britain?

Smiling Assassin

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
Reflections on the defection of the well known wrecker and trouble maker Chris Randall to Cyprus...


It is worth mentioning that the 'Smiling Assassin' was one of the dauntless three who saw off the soi disant political 'bruiser' Tony McNulty.

When he was appointed Rail Minister McNulty's PR minions thought it would be a good idea to expose the bruiser to the railway press and set up a session with the Smiling Assassin, Captain Deltic and the Media Tart .

Every question put to the slowly deflating bruiser got the answer 'What would you do?'.

A fatal ploy for obvious reasons.

As the meeting ended a battered McNulty said, 'I look forward to meeting you guys again when there's more to say'.

Alas, either McNulty had nothing more to say or the invite was lost in the post...

For pity's sake #2

Contempt of the High Court of Parliament?

As any fule kno DafT's Laughing Stock Plan will produce only 1156 additional vehicles (at the last count) for the train starved railway network.

My Lord Adonis meanwhile appears insistent on treating Parliament with ill disguised contempt.

Here some words from the perfectly formed peer delivered to the highest court in the land on Wednesday 29th October:

Lord Adonis (Minister of State, Department for Transport; Labour)
"It is the intention that 1,300 additional new rail vehicles will be delivered by the end of control period 4."

Send him down!