Ozymandi've had enough!

Telegrammed from the Millenium Death Falcon Star
"Hello again...

"As you can see in the full length picture of Iain at Rugby he is standing in the designated walking area (see below).



"Indeed, the COSS was nearby and had approved Iain's PPE and his location.

"Sorry to spoil your fun.

"Anyway, I must get back to neo-Stakhanovite endeavours of promoting the fantastic new opportunities for passengers and freight users (that) the completion of the West Coast project opens up."

Soup dragon!

Wolmar vindicated!

Telegrammed from Eboracum (50A)

As if further proof were needed...

Zontar - "My Lord!"

Ozymandiain lV

Telegrammed by King Coal
Eagle-eyed readers of Network Rail's neo-Stakhanovite proclamations may have noted a recent picture of Mr Coucher leaning against an EPS125 PSR board, trying hard not to grin and wearing a very smart NR high visibility vest.

But what's upon his head?

Why nothing!

Are not NR staff now mandated to wear hard hats of whatever colour is deemed suitable this week?

Perhaps the COSS was holding it, what with Iain being within 3 metres of the nearest running rail and all.

Death Falcon Il

Telegrammed by the late Sir William Pollitt
On a railway far, far away...

Although the Millennium Falcon generally came up trumps at the end of the day, isn't it also true to say that the battered old thing only did so after much persuasion, cajoling - and occasionally a good old kick in the dashboard?

Duly rebuked/persuaded it would then cough, splutter and finally shoot off doing almost the right thing, but barely answering to the controls and generally causing everyone on board to have palpitations?

Strike a light! Yes, Black Tower v2.0 certainly IS more Millennium Falcon than Death Star!

Death Falcon I

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
Network Rail would do well to keep quiet about its new headquarters.

What with its basement concert halls and art galleries not to mention the chi-chi cafe where the beaux monde of North London can join Guardian journalists and Network Rail directors for a ristretto whilst admiring the landscaped canal.

Already railway visitors are questioning whether it is perhaps a bit too flash for an honest utility and we are urged to look at Ozymandias' new office to appreciate the grandeur.

But no signs of the statue going up as yet.

A time for giving

This from the East London Advertiser...

"STAFF on the London Underground have kick-started the season of goodwill by holding a collection for a 'heroes' charity.

"They raised £7,000 for Help for Heroes, which supports soldiers injured in Afghanistan and Iraq, at the ticket barrier at Bank station in The City."

Railway Eye is happy to publicise charitable works...

Ozymandiain lll

Another stern rebuke from Network Rail reaches The Fact Compiler!

It reads:

"I see you are on your usual churlish form whenever you write about Network Rail.

"It is true the West Coast project is complete. Our task was to upgrade the infrastructure to deliver the Dec 2008 timetable. The work we needed to do for that timetable change is now done.

"Does that mean we are never going to do any more work on WCML? Of course not.

"We have work to do there as we have on any line across the network. It was skimping on improvement works which led to the poor state in which Network Rail inherited the WCML.

"PS: Our new headquarters is more Millennium Falcon than Death Star."

The Fact Compiler is not convinced. Dear reader it is for you to decide in Railway Eye's latest exciting poll !

Crossed off the list

An email reaches The Fact Compiler with details of Sue and Aidan Nelson's exciting new venture.

Such a serious subject demands the very widest attention.

Anyone know the producers of 'HIGNFY'?

"And this weeks guest publication is Level Crossing News..."

Ozymandiain ll

Telegrammed by The Archer
When is a completed project not complete?

Item 4 in Notes to Editors reads: "Although the project is complete, further planned improvement work will be undertaken at a couple of locations on the West Coast over the weekend of 27th & 28th December. There will also be work at weekends between Preston and Glasgow , starting in February."

Oh what a tangled web...

From his own lips....

Good news from Northampton.

As is well known DafT does not micromanage franchises.

But in a major scoop the Northampton Chronicle has uncovered the following shocking admission concealed very near the top of a DafT press release:

Lord Adonis said "This new timetable will see many more trains running every day, many of them originally specified by the Government and now being introduced by franchised train operators."

Remember, you read it there first.

Ozymandiain

Glad tidings from Network Rail!

According to a press release from the Death Star (nee Black Tower) the West Coast Project is completed!

Amidst a tide of trumpet blasts a euphoric Iain Coucher proclaimed:

"Network Rail has delivered West Coast on the day we said we would."

Meanwhile the industry said:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandiain, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Tears of two clowns

Good news for Gordon Brown and Geoff Hoon!

The Standard reveals that some Virgin fares will treble as the government contractor imposes increased restrictions on off-peak travel from Euston from Sunday.

Expect 'Hoon and the Goon' to shed crocodile tears whilst continuing to deny any responsibility (see Eye passim).

Irony lost on them...

More excitement following yesterday's Mail on Sunday piece on the Peak Army.

The story has not played well with the die hard cranktocracy who have taken to emailing Wolmar in the electronic equivalent of green ink.

Copied to all their mates (Sid and Doris Bonkers) they contain a stout defence of their hobby and a suggestion that the story might have been a tad sensationalised.

Other writers have been less brave.

One scribbler chose not to cc his mates on the original flame-mail, preferring to forwarded it to a cast of thousands with the following preface: "Is is just me or has he got one of those faces that you would just love to punch?".

The Fact Compiler would like to remind readers that the original Mail on Sunday piece referred to trainspotters yobbish behaviour.

Face Compiler

***The Fact Compiler has joined Facebook - whatever that may be.***

Sting 'im up!

Good news for civil liberties in the UK!

Our latest poll shows that only 7% of you believe we still retain our ancient freedoms.

Which means a massive 93% of readers believe that we now live in a police state!

Alas, over 50% of those don't care as long as The Fact Compiler is gaoled.

Some red faces this morning

The dangers of posting to the internet explained...

The Mail on Sunday's attention has alighted on 'flailing' and they have lifted pictures from the web.

Wolmar is to be congratulated for pillorying the idiots but making clear they are in the minority.

Not so the Picture Desk...

FCC by name, don't give a FCC by nature

Telegrammed by the Master
Another piss-poor show from FCC staff at Finsbury Park this morning.

Despite the platform screens being out of order staff still couldn't drag their sorry backsides from their offices to actually inform people of platform changes - or even bother to use the PA except to announce that the PIS wasn't working (no shit Sherlock! Ed)

The result being that all the passengers waiting for the 11:06 to Cambridge were left stranded on platform 5 whilst their train came and went from platform 3.

Come back WAGN - all is forgiven!

And the new Crossrail CEO is...

Rob Holden!

According to a piece buried away at the back of yesterday's Times in the Movers and Shakers column!

Not exactly a professional way to communicate key Board appointments to this multi-billion pound project, is it DafT?

More job losses

***Sky News reporting that EWS to shed 530 jobs***

Looks like next week's Railfreight Group Christmas do will be a jolly affair...

UPDATE: BBC claims the figure represents 10% of EWS' workforce.

Mystic Wolmar strikes again

Over on Wolmar's website is a trailer for The Railway Blues featuring the great man himself.

But what's this?



Just 30 seconds into the trailer up pops Andrew Haines uttering the immortal line "I won't be here in six months if that improvement isn't better, our bosses will have found somebody else to do the job."

He won't, it isn't and they will!