Pistols at dawn

Telegrammed by Leo Pink
Isn't it typical, you wait for years for a proposals for a new UK high speed line network then two come along.

Next week Network Rail will pre-empt the report from the Department of Transport's own company High speed Two Ltd, promised by the end of the year, with its own "costed and detailed business case for a new high speed line".

DfT Rail is reported to be puzzled by this. 'What have high speed lines got to do with Network Rail' is the view in Marsham Street?'

Network Rail point out that their High Speed Line study was underway long before HS2 Ltd was even thought of.

So a tip of the bowler to Iain Coucher for yet again being the only railwayman willing to plant his tanks on DfT Rail's lawn.

We apologise for the error

This beautiful piece from the Cornish Guardian....

In an article last week ‘Residents call for eyesore red wall to be demolished’ we said that the BRB (Residuary) Ltd was a subsidiary of Network Rail this was incorrect BRB (Residuary) Ltd is owned by the government's Department for Transport and has no connection with Network Rail.

We apologise for the error.

As indeed they ought!

Obviously there is no connection between the private sector company Network Rail and BRB (Residuary) owned by the Department for Transport.

But what's this?

Could this be the same Department of Transport that lobbied the Treasury to allow Network Rail to add the electrification bill to the company's Regulatory Asset Base?

Obviously no connection at all then.

Pointless signs #9

This just in from John...

I noticed that you have included Topsham in the Railway Garden Competition.

Would it also be possible to enter it for the Pointless Signs award?

Here is a picture of a BTP sign on the station.


What's pointless about that I hear you ask?

Well it's stuck behind this display board (see below).


Perhaps the station is patrolled by Secret Policemen?

Chiltern 'E' Shocker!

Nice to see that the Chiltern press office has such good local knowledge of the towns its trains serve.

Media Call

First Direct Service to London from Bridgenorth

0715 Saturday 15 August 2009

Chiltern Railways and the Seven Valley Railway are pleased to be working together to provide the first ever direct train from Bridgenorth and Bewdley to London Marylebone

The train will leave Bridgenorth at 0745 to start its first direct service into London Marylebone

Chiltern - putting the 'E' into Bridgnorth.

Environmental benefits of electrification in question

This from today's Gruaniad...

A study by Booz Allen Hamilton, a consultancy, argues that building and operating a new north-south rail network in England will generate more CO2 than taking the same route by air over a 60-year period.

No doubt it will be a similar length of time before the Noble Lord invites Booz Allen to undertake further work for DafT.

Railway Garden XXIV

This worthy entry from Topsham


Why is the Down line of the passing loop so favoured?

Pointless signs #8

This just in from the Wicked Weaver...

No more running for trains!

Is Derby station the first one in Europe to impose a speed restriction on passengers?


In due course will one be prevented from taking the stairs two-at-a-time?

Lookalike XXV

First for hitting the passenger where it hurts

The Fact Compiler has been stirred from his deckchair by the following extra-ordinary news.

According to Passenger Focus:

First Great Western (FGW) is set to introduce new restrictions on its cheapest Off-Peak tickets which will mean many passengers travelling into London in the morning and out of London in the afternoon will see their fares rise by 20%.

What can this mean?

Some say First Great Western has joined the ranks of franchise demics like NXEC, London Midland and Arriva Cross Country.

The Fact Compiler, almost replete from his well earned break, has a more charitable view:

Perhaps Mark Hopwood is leveraging these swinging increases as personal favour to First's Chief Executive - Sir Moir of the Lovely Book (pictured below)


No doubt the storage costs for the mountain of remaindered copies has started to make First Group shareholders twitchy...

A case for Hall and Green!

Telegrammed by The Master
Plymouth may be home to the Royal Navy, but the Spar shop on the railway station certainly isn't home to any wine buffs.

As the chiller cabinet contains bottles of Merlot - a red wine!

Perhaps Lord DafT Vader will ask his 'stationers' to demand that Network Rail address this epicurean faux pas (once they've taken direct control of the station)?

Silly season - anything to fill space...

Telegrammed by Ben Jones
Bideford World Record Attempt

On the 24th of August, James May, with the help of the people of Britain is attempting to build the longest ever model railway in the world! We are hoping to break the world record and we need your help!

We are appealing for volunteers to help us with various different aspects of this…on the 24th we need teams of 4 to put themselves forward as volunteers. Each team must have a self-appointed team leader who is also available on the 22nd for a briefing day. Due to the length of the day on the 24th we are asking that parents only bring kids who are over 13 years old, and that if your over-13 year olds do want to come along, that there is at least one adult per team as well.

On the 24th we are also looking for people who would like to bring along 00 models to be exhibited in an area alongside the track which will be used for filming.

Last but not least on the 22nd we will also be looking for any willing volunteers to come along to the same place as the train briefing day to help out with building models for the exhibition area. Kids and adults welcome!

If you are interested in any of the above please email me ASAP on laurar@plumpictures.co.uk and I will provide you with more details.

Pointless signs #7

Telegrammed by the Wicked Weaver
The newly refurbished Virgin rake of Mark IIIs (complete with it's own DVT) is indeed splendid and available for charter.

However, on trying to view the scenery one is presented with a problem.


And is the centre panel advising the intending evacuee that there may be deep snow?

UPDATE: This from Eobhann...

Maybe the window signs on the refurbished MK III rake are to cut down the window size to the same piss-poor dimensions as those on the Dildos.

After all, Beardie Rail don’t want passengers realising just how good the view was from the ‘old decrepit stock’ that use to ply the WCML.

Oh, hang on. Isn’t this wonderful set some of that ‘old decrepit stock’? Fancy that!

UPDATE: This from Westmount Lad...

Somewhere I read that this set is known as the "Pretendolino" ?

UPDATE: This from Driver Potter...

Suggestion for centre pictogram No.1:

Maximum fill-line for the train fish tank?

UPDATE: This from a Mr Malins...

You should know that apart from pointless signs and tedious announcements, this train has now earned a slightly more topical nickname:

Slam Door Millionaire

Eye asks if this refers to the train, Sir Beardie or Porterbrook?

Wreading, Riting and WiFi

Telegrammed by Anonymous Contibutor
Eye readers are invited to try Virgin Trains Wifi when next in Beardie Land and to pause at the launch screen.

Whilst there why not count just how many stations are misspelt in the network diagram.


Manchester Picadilly (two "c"s please)

Llandudlo Junction (well the Wifi is dud past Chester)

If you use this, please credit it to an anonymous contibutor.

Wouldn't want my Season Ticket revoked!

Telegrammed by Driver Potter
You thought the Super Voyagers had got there first: but no!



Dramatic Proof that BR were tinkering with passive tilt systems on non-electric services as early as the mid-nineties...

2009 Railway Garden Competition #XXIII

Telegrammed by Dr Gloucester
Here's another entry for the RGC, taken yesterday at Stockport.

Like many boxes in the area, Stockport No. 2 has been 'plasticised' in recent years, and looks rather smart, only let down by the jungle that has sprouted in front of it in the last few years.

Any chance it will be dealt with before observation of tail lamps becomes a problem?

ATOC sets gold standard for time keeping

Telegrammed by Bushy
The following consultation email was sent out by ATOC in June 2008:

ATOC, on behalf of all TOCs, together with Network Rail and British Transport Police (BTP) have decided to review the Enthusiast Guidelines, which give advice to railway enthusiasts on visiting railway property in pursuit of their hobby and also set down what sort of photography is permitted on railway property. The Guidelines were drawn up three years ago and we believe are still appropriate.

It is our intention to reissue the Guidelines later this summer so as to re-brief and make all rail staff aware of the them. We have decided to consult a number of stakeholders to ask for their views on whether they need to be modified or revised further before they are reissued. As part of this process BTP will also ask their senior officers for a view on the guidelines (particularly in relation to photography) and Network Rail will also consult station mangers at their stations.

I have attached a copy of the Guidelines and would ask you to come back to me directly with any comments or suggestions by Friday 18th July. We don’t envisage changing them radically but are interested in hearing any constructive suggestions for their improvement, particularly when it comes to the Guidelines for photography. As part of the consultation we are inviting the trade press and a number of well known railway photographers to give us their views also.

Finally, from time to time it has been suggested that there might be some form of accreditation for well known railway photographers who contribute to the trade press regularly. One suggestion is that magazines/publications would nominate a limited number of contributors who would be given an accredited railway photography press card. This might involve a small charge. Do you have any views and if you are a railway publication would you support such a scheme?

Errr... as it's summer 2009 any news?

RAF Elmdon scrambles the Flying Spokesman

Telegrammed by the International Correspondent
The dogfight between High Speed Railers and the Aviationists hotted up over Birmingham last week when the Birmingham Post provided the oxygen of publicity to RAF Elmdon (better known as Birmingham International Airport).

The airport authorities, anxious to be seen to protect their customer base of small domestic airlines scrambled their crack fighter ace to strike at the heart of high speed rail's environmental claims:

Mr Morris said: “I think what you will see is companies like Flybe changing the way they operate, adapting, and improving their service.

“The Eurostar did not put an end to cross channel ferries and in the same way I think a high speed rail network will not put an end to short-haul and domestic flights.

“There’s no doubt that travelling from Birmingham to London is best done by train - that is why we have no flights there from Birmingham. “But getting to Glasgow and Edinburgh is better done by air.

“You just have to look at the lower carbon emissions for the journeys, the quicker journey times, and a noise footprint that is significantly less than the 300-mile one left by trains”.

But who is the Flying Spokesman?

Surely the sharp-shooting and combatative Baron Von Richtmorris of the airport is not the same Class 40-loving John Morris who was for many years Chief Apologist for Cross Country, and who became dis-invented after daring to suggest that Virgin's Voyagers were a less than optimum transport solution?

And who supported the Red Revolution from the inside by painting a XC Class 86 engine in, er, chic but very retro Caledonian Railway 1920s blue livery?

Perhaps we should be told.

DafT changes the question - again

Telegrammed by Leo Pink
What ever happened to right first time?

Pre-Qualification Questionnaire
Specialist Advice and Support in Connection with DfT’s Duties as ‘Operator of Last Resort’
Date: First issue: 04 August 09
Rev 0.1: 07 August o91

Clearly three days is a long time in DfT Rail politics.

Out of Office reply

The Fact Compiler is enjoying a traditional English summer holiday.

So posting will be as intermittent as the breaks in the atrocious weather.


Wish you were here...

All change at Hull Trains

This just in from Ollie over at I work for First Great Western...

This from the First Group Intranet...

“After six years as Managing Director, Mark Leving left First Hull Trains at the end of last week.

I would like to thank Mark for all his good work during his time as Managing Director.

He established a capable team and laid strong foundations for the next phase in First Hull Trains' development, which will include the engineering and on-board upgrade of our Class 180 train fleet. We wish Mark well for the future.

James Adeshiyan, who has worked in key commercial and operational roles in a number of train operating companies across the rail industry over the last 13 years, becomes General Manager of First Hull Trains, with immediate effect.

I hope you will all join me in welcoming James to First Hull Trains and congratulate him on his appointment.”

Anyone know where Mark has gone?