News from Upside Down Land

Sources suggesting that the Brain Drain to the southern hemisphere continues.

Eye gives you - Rail 'chuck-another-prawn-on-the' Barbie!

Any Antipodean readers know more?

Eye chastised over Big Jigs Toys - Shocker

The Fact Compiler has been spanked by loads of readers for not running anything on the fantastic Big Jigs Toys bid for the #ICWC franchise.

Clearly not enough Eye readers followed  @thefactcompiler on Twitter over Christmas and the New Year!

No matter.

Headline: Mark Reach, the Secretary of State's Private Secretary, did more on Christmas Eve to bolster the reputation of the beleaguered DfT than any number of enquiries or reviews.

Read the full story on the Big Jigs Toys blog here.

Meanwhile...

Eye says: Oi Patrick - Mark Reach deserves his Christmas bonus!

Wales SBP - It's brains you want

This from Castle Coch...

BBC Wales' report yesterday on the Strategic Business Plan was followed by some Vox Pop interviews conducted with passengers arriving at Swansea. 

First up - none other than Mr. John  Davies, British Rail's esteemed former Passenger Manager for Wales, who politely pointed out that the proposed 20 minute acceleration to journey times would merely restore what had been the norm in the mid 1970s.

When the camera turned to Mark Langman, NR's Route MD for Wales, he appeared blissfully unaware that better journey times were available to passengers back in the dark days of BR.

In a media operation where nothing was left to chance perhaps he was counting the seconds until he could offer the obligatory comparison with investment in the Victorian Era?

UPDATE: This from Button Moon...

And what about the erstwhile Sunday evening non-stop Paddington to Bath Spa, timetabled 66 minutes, known to arrive a couple of minutes early with an average speed of over 100mph? People don’t believe me but I’ve been on it.

Progress? That’s the last thing we need.

UPDATE: This from Fen Boy...

Oh that we had a John Davies on hand to advise one of our local BBC reporters last night who, in a similar programme, on Look East, dismissively informed viewers that the flyover currently under construction over the East Coast Main Line at Hitchin, would "take local services away"!

The fact that these "local" services are, of course, FCC's jam packed Cambridge and King's Lynn trains was completely lost on this particular chap.

Additionally this irony was not appreciated when the next reporter popped up outside Cambridge station telling us all how very busy it was and how much more rail capacity was needed.

Beeb joined up? Not!

Brief words on NR's SBP

The launch of NR Strategic Business Plan yesterday was pretty well received, despite Fleet Street media fixating on fares, shedding more heat than light.

No matter.

With such a vast suite of documents supporting the SBP it was perhaps inevitable that one or two howlers would slip through the editing process.

So here for readers delectation and delight are some of the best ones...

From the London North Western section of Network Rail's Strategic Business Plan:

Quite so.

And this from p28 of the London North Eastern section, which initially showed 'track changes'...

Indeed.

And finally an example of smart-alec Visual Management tools that actually conflict with the experience of those on the sharp end of the operational railway...

 Traffic lights instead of signals? Could do better.

Despite this carping, an impressive set of docos that shows quite how far the railway has come in recent years. Now let's hope the ORR says it is all affordable...

Eye salutes all those involved. 

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

You missed the endless repetition of the DafT (?) inspired guff that this is the biggest investment in the railways since the 'Victorian era'.

Frankly this is dishonest!

Am I alone in being not amused?

Crow Bar earns his salary!

This from the RMT...

Membership figures released by the union today show that RMT has put on a net gain of 1456 members through 2012, taking the total to 77,549 – an annual growth of nearly 2% in the most challenging circumstances.

The union has increased its membership year-on-year from the 59,277 total when General Secretary Bob Crow was elected in 2002

Who says that playing to the gallery doesn't work?

UPDATE: This from Captain Deltic... 

The RMT missed a trick here.

In the Spirit of the New Spin  they should have led with the following headline:

"Canny Crow delivers highest RMT numbers since Victorian Era!"

Pointless signs - Ffairfach

This from Bobby Mc...

Only one of the three signs at this station on the Heart of Wales line is readable at anything other than myopic distances.

I didn't have time to photograph all three, as there is a four hour wait for the next train.

Closure by stealth or is there another war coming?

Pointless signs - Berkhamstead

TSC confirms foresight wonderous thing

This from a Mr Lergy Fee...

My delight at reading the Rail 2020 report was tempered by their inability to get the publication year right.  

Perhaps McLoughlin should ask Ellman & co if they can help DfT catch up with delivery?

Transport missing from Mid-Term Review

The only interesting thing in a very dull document was the complete omission of transport as a heading.

In happier news it allowed CamClegg to re-re-re-announce one or two rail projects.

Page 11 of the Together in the National Interest document offered the following tidbits:

We will further invest in infrastructure by:

• expanding our railway programme to create an ‘electric spine’ from Southampton to Yorkshire, electrify the South Wales Valleys railways, establish a western rail link to Heathrow, invest in the Northern Hub and create enough capacity for 140,000 extra daily commutes at peak times by the end of 2019;

• moving as rapidly as possible towards a national high speed rail network by carrying forward legislation for the first phase between London and Birmingham;

• upgrading transport in the capital city through Crossrail, Thameslink and by supporting an extension of the Northern Line to Battersea Power Station;

The flavour of the document was perhaps best given by the front cover which appeared to show some rail workers turning their backs on the country.

Or were they perhaps preparing to moon, in response to the Coalition's thin document?

UPDATE: This from Globetrotter...

Am I the only person to be intrigued by the commitment to providing ‘enough capacity for 140,000 extra daily commutes’ without saying where or when, or over what distance? 

With this degree of vagueness, one might envisage delivering a vast increase in capacity by re-doubling and resignalling for 12-car trains at 2 min headways between Grosmont and Whitby, for example.

 

Given the Westminster village focus, one might presume that Dave ‘n’ Nick mean journeys in and out of London, although Crossrail and Thameslink won’t be ready in the life of this coalition, and our northern friends could legitimately argue that their need is greater in the short term. 

A rough estimate suggests it is equivalent to around 4% more passenger journeys per day across the network, which is barely enough to keep up with recent growth in demand.

 

And of course, grammatically-literate historians might argue that they are talking about increasing booking office capacity to sell that number of season tickets. Or perhaps not?

Sheriff rides into town to sort DfT comms

This from PR Week...
 
David Cameron's deputy official spokeswoman Vickie Sheriff is to become director of group comms at the Department for Transport.

Sheriff, who is also head of news at Number 10, will take on the role within the next few weeks.

Interesting!

Mystic Eye exposed in Dead Tree Media!

In the latest issue of Passenger Transport, published on the 4th January, the Fact Compiler consults his crystal ball...

The next edition of Passenger Transport will be published on the 18th January.

ASLEF behind the curve?

This from a Mr Anthony Kilometer...

As the new year starts no doubt ASLEF members will be consulting their union's website to see when their employer's franchises are up for renewal...

And these are just highlights.

Come on chaps - it's not that difficult to update one web page is it?

Lookalike - 'Poop poop!' edition

Telegraph story here...

January - a time to look forward, not back!

So. The Transport Select Committee has opined on the future of the railway.

Please read our Legislators' thoughts - Here.

Meanwhile we look forward to the 8th January when NR publishes its business plan (HLOS in old money).

And on 10th January we can apparently anticipate a Ministerial Statement on the Brown Review.

In all this excitement there is only one message that the industry needs to put across:

"Move the wheel closer to the rail and structure for the customer!", whether passenger or freight (thank you Sir Robert).

That is all.

Durham celebrates first Railway Garden of 2013!

This from the Long Reach of the Law...

Is it too late for an entry to the festive railway garden competition?

Certainly not.

Wishing all readers on the North Eastern an happy Epiphany!

So just how expensive are UK rail fares?

This from The Man in Seat 61...

So the next time someone says (or you read) "Britain has the highest rail fares in Europe", you'll know this is only 15% of the story.  The other 85% is that we have similar or even cheaper fares, too.

Read his analysis here.

Pointless signs - York

This from The Cynic...

In the spirit of the January sales, East Coast is offering ‘two pointless signs for the price of one’ on platform 4 at York!

Eye identifies first saving of New Year!

In the spirit of the Age of Austerity, Eye is delighted to identify the first significant cost saving of 2013.

Ithuriel reports that on the 27th December DfT slipped out an OJEU Notice for The Provision of Financial Advice to the Intercity Express Programme.

As the slam of a stable door closing echoes round the thinly populated office of Great Minster House perhaps we can save DfT hundreds of thousands in bankers consultancy fees in just four words. 

'Don't buy any more.'

A belated Merry Christmas to all readers...

This is Catho Style...



Christus natus hodie!

Christmas Quiz - Question 94

The Man by the Photocopier writes...

A curious release has just appeared from DafT’s Office of Seasonal Tales.

This purports to be government ‘backing’ for new train orders for Southern, amounting to 216 vehicles. Except that they have already been announced in principle and are not really for Southern, as the lower part of the release admits.

So why is Southern (a departing franchise) involved in ordering trains for the Midland Main Line?

Presumably they could well have their first outings on Thameslink (thus releasing some 319s., etc.) and from 2015 Southern + Thameslink are set to be joined together (depending on Mr Brown, of course).

Ah, Christmas. Always a good time to bury bad – or at least contentious – news...

UPDATE: A little more from The Man by the Photocopier...

Sometimes in spite of best efforts in the Horseferry Road there comes a rare gleam of clarity, even in these well-spun times.

A new Q + A just published by ever-helpful Southern about potential rolling stock orders includes this modest gem ...

Q The original announcement said that the option was for 100 carriages. Why has this changed to 140?

A This is what the Department for Transport has asked us to do.

Quite so.

UPDATE: This from Derbyshire Lad...

Might I be allowed to use your electronic organ to praise the DfT for its vision and insight in ordering more trains from a British factory rather than overseas.

Clearly the arrival of Patrick McLoughlin MP (Derbyshire Dales) at the Department for Transport has resulted in an outbreak of train procurement wisdom.

Patrick is a colossus amongst pygmys, a seer amongst the dullards... (cont in this vein for circa 94 pages. Ed)

UPDATE: This from The Archer...

Not wanting to spoil Christmas cheer in Derby but, the DfT’s release claims to be a year-end boost for train builders with two new train orders.

Note the plural ‘train builders’ rather than the singular ‘train builder’.

Bombardier is one of these train builders as they’ve got an order for another 40 carriages for Southern.

By definition then the second, and larger order, for 116 or 256 carriages, must be going to another train builder.

Merry Christmas Derby!