IEP resurrected - Shocker

Telegrammed by Sir Humphrey Beeching
Although retired I still receive all the Departmental bumpf, including updated pages for the DfT officers handbook.

One replacement page in the post today foxed me, but my sharp eyed lady wife spotted the change

In the section on abbreviations and acronyms (there is a difference, you know), all the initials were the same, but IEP now stands for Intercity Extension Project now defined as 'Further life extension of IC125 high speed diesel trains, with re-engineering and reliability upgrades to 2025 or 2035'.

I look forward to seeing what my erstwhile colleagues will make of the SOFA (currently Statement of Funds Available) following October's Comprehensive Spending Review.

West Coast Woe - Three degrees of separation

Telegrammed by Our International Correspondent
MVA – a UK based consultancy jointly owned by RATP and SNCF – recently completed a report for NR and ORR into West Coast performance.

Regular followers of the ongoing West Coast Main Line saga will recollect that following the introduction of the Very High Frequency service in 2009 performance has been, ahem, disappointing (76.4% "on time" in Q4 2008/9 with 559 complaints per 100,000 journeys - a record even for Beardie Rail).

Authored by the eminently respectable William Barter (who knows train planning inside out) the MVA report said, in language carefully designed not to offend the notoriously moody client, that WCML went to ratshit because no-one knew how to model a timetable that worked.

But, MVA’s own understanding of the West Coast may not be quite as robust as they would like us to think.

On their website the “How to find us” map for their Birmingham office helpfully shows that useful and heavily-used direct rail link between New Street and Moor Street.


Of course anyone wanting to know what Birmingham’s rail network really looks like should refer to Stuart Baker’s excellent Rail Atlas which is now in its 12th edition.

That would be the very same Baker who is the DfT's rolling stock and timetabling supremo and who, in a previous life, decided that diesel Voyagers should run under the West Coast wires.

Trebles and no IEPs all round.

Pointless signs - Thetford

This from a Mr Tony Miles...

Here at Thetford there is a similar sign each side of the footbridge where, I believe, there once was a foot crossing.


If anyone can remind us when the crossing was taken out of use we can work out how long these signs have been in place and possible how many times the black apostrophes have been lovingly repainted in the wrong place...

UPDATE: This from Sinoda...

I believe the Thetford foot crossing was removed in about 1987/88.

About 3 years ago, a Sunday rail replacement coach driver, having been guided by his Sat-Nav, was found looking for the road level crossing.

Although on the same site, this had closed in the early years of the last century!

Cuneo and the mouse that roared...

Telegrammed by The Master
According to the Terence Cuneo Memorial Trust:

When Terence Cuneo died in 1996, there were many of his friends who felt that his achievements, as one of the 20th Century’s best and most versatile painters, should be recognised and celebrated in some way, to encourage future generations to know and enjoy his exceptional talent.

A few like-minded people, together with our family, formed a committee. The goal was simple, to raise enough money to commission a statue of Terence Cuneo and give it a home in the most public and appropriate place possible...

Along with the statue, the committee considered that it would be a fitting tribute if the Cuneo name could also be given to an annual prize at The Slade School of Fine Art, his alma mater. As a result of this ‘The Terence Cuneo Memorial Trust’ was formally established as a Registered Charity in March 2002.

It is a measure of the affection in which Terence Cuneo was held by the Royal Family that HM The Queen graciously agreed to head the subscription list.

Thanks to a magnificent gesture from an admirer of Cuneo’s paintings, Philip Jackson, the renowned sculptor was commissioned to create the statue.

With the help of Network Rail the 1.5 times life size Bronze Statue of Terence Cuneo now stands in the main concourse of Waterloo Station - adjacent to the Eurostar Terminal.

And how fares the statue today?

Sadly it stands neglected, covered in dust and detritus and almost invisible between a rash of new fast food kiosks.




What a reflection on the way the railway treats its heritage.

Come on Network Rail - you can do better than this.

UPDATE: This from Driver Potter...

Never really understood why they didn't put the statue under the station clock...

Railway Garden Competition - Lewes

ODA unveils transport investment - World laughs

Good news for hard pressed Londoners!

To date most of the transport news about the Olympics has been entirely negative - what with the exciting introduction in 2012 of Zil Lanes across swathes of the capital for the exclusive use of bloated Olympic officials and their entourages, whilst oridinary Londoners face the threat of summery execution should they even think of straying into them.

Happily the tide has turned and those long promised transport improvements are finally starting to arrive!

This thrilling email announcement from the Olympic Delivery Authority:

Robert the Engine gets first makeover as part of London 2012 transport investment

A steam locomotive called Robert is receiving a London 2012 paint job after 78 years of pigeons, rain and wind left him feeling under the weather. Robert the Engine, built in 1933, is being given a makeover before resuming his place outside the main transport hub for the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games by the end of the year.


Errr... run that by us again?

The ODA has painted a knackered kettle and this is billed as "transport investment".

Yes London, the rest of the world really is laughing at you.

Railtrack - a gift that keeps on giving

Telegrammed by Our Man at 222 Marylebone Road
Browsing through the uncorrected note of Philip Hammod's evidence to the Transport Select Committee we came across this exchange:

Q18 Kwasi Kwarteng: My question is related to rail and the position of Railtrack. Clearly, you have been on record saying certain things about the governance there and there is a perception that that is quite poor because it is neither one thing nor the other. It is a private concern and then I suspect because the government did not want the liability to be on the balance sheet it is neither fish nor fowl. I was just wondering what your position on Railtrack was in terms of governance.

Mr Hammond: The Coalition came into office with a commitment to make Railtrack more accountable to its immediate customers and to its ultimate customers, rail passengers

Only goes to show what a strong and enduring brand Railtrack built in its short but unhappy life.

Pointless signs - One for the hangers and floggers

This from Centro...

Loxdale Metro stop has had a make over with a difference. Over the past month and a half offenders made amends for their crimes by clearing the vegetation around the area.

Centro joined forces with Travel Midland Metro and Wolverhampton Community Payback after receiving requests from local residents asking if the vegetation could be removed. Work started on 10th June 2010 and was completed on 30th July 2010.


Quite right too - the way of the transgressor is very hard!

But what's this?


Presumably the PCSO and observing officials are there to prevent these evil miscreants donning ear defenders, face guards, hard hats etc...

UPDATE: This from Leo Pink...

On the other hand given that this is Birmingham this could be sharia payback, with fingers about to go through the shredder...

Gold plated stations - Chesterfield

This from the Wicked Weaver...

I wonder if I might share with Eye readers these photographs of the new platform 3 at Chesterfield station.

Observe the miles upon miles of Coucher Memorial Fencing here...


...and here...


The new platform also hosts some exciting new features - perhaps some of your readers can guess what this one is for?


A Zimmer frame bolted to the ground? Obviously the safest way for the infirm to negotiate highly dangerous stations in these safety conscious times.

Of course the piece de resistance is the dedicated fire escape from the end of platform 3 that runs almost the length of the new structure, just in case all that metal, glass and tarmac suddenly bursts into flame...


In these straightened times it is good to see that no expense has been spared to protect the passenger.

Perhaps the only disappointment is that despite the vast expense it's still not in use yet.

UPDATE: This from Geo.Stephenson (Retd), Clay Cross

I fear I must point out, Sir, if no more immediate source has done so yet, that there are reports this new Passenger Wharf was used on 29th July to accommodate trains after a passenger was taken ill and the train he was travelling on detained in platform 2 awaiting paramedics.

Yours, laying tracks faster than the gricers can grice!

UPDATE: This from Chionanthus virginicus...

..and it's only been constructed for use during engineering works !!!

Pointless signs - Rail replacement bus stops

Darwin Award - Puffer-nutters yet again

This from Eye's friends over at Steam Railway magazine...

I thought Eye readers might be interested in this picture taken from a legal vantage point by a Steam Railway photographer...

Taken on Sunday 25th July it shows two photographers (shurely 'trespassing idiots'? Ed) in the six foot at Shotlock Hill Tunnel.


This was on the return trip after they had already crossed the line once to take a photo of the 8F on The Waverly.

Railway Garden Competition - Entry withdrawn

Shocking news from Retford!

Regular Eye readers will recollect this image of Retford in all its arborial glory taken in May of this year:


In a shocking act of wanton vandalism (shurely good housekeeping? Ed) this delightfully restive pastoral scene has been reduced to this:


It had taken many months of willful neglect for this particular Railway Garden to reach the required standard.

This disgracefully high handed action by Network Rail explains why so many in the industry consider the company to be both arrogant and (cont p94)...

Value for Money - tips and tricks

Telegrammed by Leo Pink
This for our DfT readers...


Although it's £40 million too late it might prevent further excesses.

Lookalike - DB's international aspirations

This from Tommy Atkins...

According to the Railway Gazette nationalised Deutsche Bahn plans to run an ICE3 to Britain this year.

The article is helpfully illustrated with a map entitled "DB Bahn international long-distance routes".

The map appears remarkably similar to one illustrating a previously unsuccessful attempt at increasing the size of the German rail network.


I wonder if the two versions are in any way related? (No they are not! Ed)

UPDATE: This from Sir High Trevor Ropey...

I note with some concern that Swiss neutrality is at risk.

I'm sure von Moltke the elder would have urged making the Channel Tunnel the schwerpunkt, focusing on the drive to the west.

Perhaps the Fuhrer's Diaries can shed some light?

UPDATE: This from Eastwestdivide...

Well the comparison would have been funny in 1970, but I really thought we'd moved on since then.

(No, I'm not Cherman)

Auf wiederemailen.

UPDATE: This from Mizter T...

Sounds like Eastwestdivide's biennial humour overhaul is rather overdue.

Anyhow, given that DB is currently struggling to run beyond Aachen into the land of the perpetually micturating little boy, it remains to be seen how successful their cross-channel extraterritorial ambitions will be.

Plus they'll have to get passed the friendly chaps and chapesses at the UK Border Agency too...

The Big Society explained...

So.

Ministers have today written to voluntary, community and social enterprise organisations asking for their ideas on how to reduce the deficit.

Minister for Civil Society, Nick Hurd, said:

"We know that it is local people and organisations on the ground that often know what needs changing and we want to tap into their knowledge and experience to help us identify ways of doing things better and more efficiently so we can do more for less."

Indeed.

But what's this?

At almost exactly the same time that this exciting announcement was made what should drop into The Fact Compiler's inbox but the following missive from the Association of Community and Rail Partnerships:

As you are possibly already aware, our quarterly publication Train Times is currently suffering under the embargo placed upon government department publications (as it is currently funded entirely by the DfT). We are exploring ways of funding Train Times otherwise but it has become apparent that any solution will not come in time to allow us to maintain our normal schedule.

So here, in place of Train Times 59, which we would still hope to produce at some stage in the future, is Train in Between Times in which we cover the various news stories which would have appeared in TT59 had it appeared on schedule.

TiBT will not appear in printed form – this is it!

Feel free to distribute it far and wide. It’s also on our website. (Not yet it's not - but here is a link to their publications page for when it is. Ed)

Clearly there is a saving to the Department in no longer funding a hard-copy version of Train Times.

However, without Train Times, how can ACoRP effectively seek ideas from the voluntary members of Community Rail Partnerships about how to reduce costs on the railway?

No doubt the ORR and Sir Roy McNulty have already consulted all the 60+ community rail partnerships and rail promotion groups that form ACoRP's membership....

Strange train times indeed!

Darwin Award - Puffer-nutters... again!

This from Matt's Trainpics site, with a bowler tip to @stephenrees, via Twitter...



According to Matt "At Vigo bridge there were around 20 people trespassing within sight and I suspect at least double that for this 2 mile climb from Bromsgrove."

Expect NR and the British Transport Police to review kettle operations after yesterday's Duke of Gloucester run.

Happily, if spared by natural selection, the trespassing puffer-nutters will be able to recall precisely where they were when steam was finally banned from the mainline...

In the four foot, the six or the cess.

'Nuff said.

ATOCballs - adding insult to injury!

This from Darby and Joan...

Senior Railcard holders have just received this e-mail:

Dear Darby

We’re offering you the chance to win £100 worth of travel vouchers by simply answering a few questions about your friendships, for a piece of research we are undertaking.

We’re keen to find out how often you keep in touch with your friends, whether you use Facebook and Twitter to do this and how long your average friendships last.

To complete the survey click here.

All completed surveys will be entered into the free prize draw to win £100 worth of travel vouchers to spend on UK rail travel.

Closing date for completed surveys is Thursday 30 September 2010. Terms and conditions apply.

Whipper Snapper
Senior Railcard

What a sad indictment of our society that ATOC's wet-behind-the-ears railcard team assumes that older people only keep in touch with friends by Twitter and Facebook and that their friendships are so ephemeral that enough fail to last the course for an 'average' period to be calculated.

Even worse, given the demographic being addressed, recipients of this e-mail are at a time of life when you find long standing friends shuffling off this mortal coil in increasing numbers.

So it's not exactly a sensitive request for information.

And if the grim reaper spares your friends, you can't see them as often as you like because of the complex structure of prohibitively high fares, increasingly hedged around with restrictions - even for those with Senior Rail cards.

New rolling stock strategy explained

UPDATE: This from Bill Hoole...

Why do drivers need a large plaque in the cab telling them the sort of train they are driving?

So long as you can find the Regulator and the brake when you get in the cab, that's all you need to know.

UPDATE: This from Sir Humphrey Beeching...

As some of my departmental colleagues might quip - it's the regulator that's the problem.

If Pollyanna would only get out of the cab the railway would run so much better...

Pointless signs - Twyford

Railway Garden Competition - Preston

This lovely garden sent in by D0260...

Note how it is cleverly offset with a cutting disc, a few rubber trackpads and a pot of paint.

The pièce de résistance is the unsavoury-looking detritus in the foreground.


Beautiful, just beautiful.