Monkey joke

This from the Telegraph...

Two monkeys appointed station masters at Japanese train station

Eye was going to point out that we normally get by with one, and they usually run an entire TOC...

...but then thought better of it.

This instead:

Hammond orders Hitachi train on back of traincrew deal!

You pays your money, you takes your choice.

UPDATE: This from District Superintendent Ambala...

Despite some mild amusement at your witticisms regarding the appointment of two monkeys to the position of station masters, I feel I should point out that the translation to the bizarre world of the UK railway such as you imply simply does not hold up.

As any fule kno TOC Directors are not paid peanuts.

Trebles all round me thinks!

TransPennine refuses to lift the peg

Finally Scarborough joins the 21st Century as its semaphore gantry is replaced by state of the art LED signals.

Local operator TransPennine has decided to celebrated the route upgrade with a suitable image on their temporary timetable (with a bowler tip to The Sleeper):


Marvelous, all that NR investment and still the TOC uses 19th Century imagery.

What a compelling argument for vertical integration!

UPDATE: This from Inspector Blakey...

Top marks to TPEx for impressive attention to detail.

The glass in the unlit signal arm, lower down the post, is correctly shown as blue in colour whereas the illuminated aspect is green.

I wonder if there's a signal gricer working in their publicity department...

UPDATE: This from Pendolino Warrior...

And just what are these semaphores supposed to mean?

Mixed messages there.

Two home signals vertically aligned should be showing the same indication.

Nice graphics, more research needed.

UPDATE: This from The Major...

Perhaps Pendolino Warrior had best stick to his plastic trains on the West Coast for there is nothing wrong with two stop signals vertically aligned.

It is an example of a stacked splitting signal, that is, the top arm reads to the left road and the lower arm to the road on the right.

There is a fine example of such a signal on the gantry at Falsgrave, Scarborough.

Or at least there was until earlier this month!

CSR delays start of ORR Periodic Review

This from the ORR...

The start of the next periodic review (PR13) – the process which will establish the plan for funding Britain’s railways from 2014-2019 – is to be delayed, the Office of Rail Regulation (ORR) announced today.

ORR had planned to begin the PR13 process in November 2010. However, the regulator has confirmed that it will delay PR13 so that it can fully take account of the Department for Transport’s strategic reviews on Network Rail’s structure and on franchising, and Sir Roy McNulty’s value for money study.

The regulator now intends to begin PR13 by early summer 2011 in a revised plan that will still see the periodic review deliver final rail funding and output determinations by October 2013, as originally scheduled.

UPDATE: This from The man by the photocopier...

The ORR press release you quote is dated 11 October, but was indeed distributed today (18 October).

One has also noted a letter from a Mr B. Emery on the selfsame matter, dated 14 October!

Why the curious delay? Not, one hopes, the result of any intervention from DafT?

Such things cannot be.

But if they can, surely we should be told?

UPDATE: This from the ORR Press Office...

As a long-time Railway Eye reader, I wanted to reply to a recent post to clarify the position.

Human error crept in I am afraid regarding the dates, no DfT conspiracy.

The letter was sent to the industry on afternoon of 14 October to give everyone a chance to hear it first hand. We then alerted the media yesterday, 18 October of our decision to delay the start of the next periodic review.

The press notice should have been dated 18 October; well done to everyone who spotted the mistake!

Trainy speakibold: Merseyrail

Time for an exciting new Eye feature!

Trainy Speakibold - a deep joy and treat'n for the lugfolds (with a doff of the bowler to the late Prof Unwin).

According to a Mr Murray:

Returning from Liverpool on Merseyrail on Wednesday of last week the following announcement as made:

“There are presently no services to Chester and Ellesmere Port due to traction current isolation at Police request”

My wife asked me “what the hell was all that about?”.

So I said “They’ve had to switch the electricity off because the Police have asked them to, most likely because somebody has run on to the track”.

She said “well why didn’t they say that, then?”.

Of course railway people know the meaning of phrases such as “track circuit failure”, “traction current isolation” etc... but do any of the travelling public?

Further examply of trainy speakibold much welcome, oh yes.

Rt Hon Philip Hammond - an apology

It would appear that Eye owes an apology to the Secretary of State for Transport.

In the past this blog has accused the Rt Hon Petrol-head Hammond of extreme ignorance about the railways.

Mr Hammond's assertion that cars should have priority over trains at level crossings received particular ridicule.

Sadly Eye now realises that Mr Hammond's confusion over level crossing operation is shared by Network Rail.

Or so it would appear from this wireless advert that is being run by the National Infrastructure Controller (with a bowler tip to @PlanetAl).



Which features a US-style crossing bell for some reason...

Hammond promises 'easy to understand' fares

Exciting news from the Sunday Express...

TRANSPORT Secretary Philip Hammond has vowed to make rail fares easy to understand after he was caught out by the system.

Eye understands that Petrol-head plans to introduce three simpler fare types - 'Expensive', 'Bloody Expensive' and 'James, fire-up the Jag'.

Railway Heritage Committe gets walk on part !

'Nuff said...

Frenchies throw toys out of pram!

This from Yahoo.co.uk...

France has stepped up its opposition to Eurostar's decision to buy trains from Germany's Siemens AG instead of French supplier Alstom by taking the case to the European Commission, a German newspaper reported on Friday

This is going to get very interesting.

Or not.

Real time disruption information on Facebook

ATOC continues to enhance the information that it provides to Social Media users.

The Train Operator's lobby group has set up individual pages for each TOC allowing Facebook users to be alerted to network disruption in real-time.

The page listing all operators can be found here.

Good effort.

Death of BRB(R) somewhat premature?

This from The Shunter...

Quite ironic that the BRB(R) is being wound up, just as the McNulty review is likely to conclude that we need a small, non-governmental, body to lead the industry.

Something that can guide a devolved, regionally focused, Network Rail and at the same time develop a franchising policy that compliments the new one-size-doesn't-fit-all industry structure

Mystic Shunter predicts that in March we will see the announcement of this new body.

Called the 'Railway Executive' it will sound both modern and exciting, and for students of railway history strangely familiar...

Surrender monkeys' fury unabated

The Frenchies really have got their pantaloons in a twist over Eurostar's decision to buy German trains.

This Gallic gem courtesy of Reuters...

"The decision Eurostar took is null and void," French Transport Minister Dominique Bussereau said on LCI television on Thursday.

"Since the beginning we have told the management of Eurotunnel GETH.PA, which manages the tunnel, and Eurostar, which operates it ... that material other than Alstom material cannot be used," Bussereau said.

Hmmm... material other than Alstom material cannot be used?

Liberté, égalité, fraternité - my arse!

UPDATE: @Captain_Deltic notes, via Twitter...

Note that Alstom 'material' in the Reuters quote should be read as 'rolling stock' (materiel roulante).

Old Lady lifts skirts to break record

Telegrammed by our Independent Expert
A First Great Western HST broke speed record from Plymouth yesterday afternoon with record time of 2 hr 43 minutes.

Not bad for a 35-year-old dowager.

FGW will be hoping that Messrs Osborne and Cable have noted in advance of next week's spending review...

UPDATE: This from Captain Deltic...

Not sure that a dowager would strip down to five cars and go like smoke.

Perhaps we should refer to 'train of a certain age'.

Certainly IC125 is more Anne Bancroft than Margaret Rutherford.

Here's to you Mrs Robinson

UPDATE: This from The Skip...

84139 PLYMOUTH 12:50 12:49A 1 EARLY
73000 PADDINGTN 15:31 15:33A 2 LATE

Sadly booked for 2h41, did it in 2h44, saeth TRUST!

UPDATE: This from a Mr Tony Miles...

TRUST is a rounder-up of figures..

I was at the table in front of official timer John Heaton - he is rather more accurate than TRUST!
(and I was wearing a radio controlled watch - as supplied to many TOCs)

By my watch:

Train departed Plymouth at 12:49 & 55 seconds

Came to a halt at Paddington at 15:33 & 18 seconds

So - 2h 43m 23 seconds

TRUST lies - Mr Heaton told FGW "2:43 and a few seconds, I'm just checking the stopwatch" at which point FGW announced "2:43", so TRUST should probably say 2:43.

AND as a couple of bits of rather poor regulation cost 3.5 minutes - according to Mr Heaton - the official time could have been under 2:40 if only those errant signallers had done as well as the rest of their colleagues along the route!

I no longer trust TRUST...

UPDATE: This from a Mr Bruce, who claims he knows what he is talking about...

Why does Mr Miles no longer trust TRUST?

The results are exactly as expected. TRUST works in hh:mm and truncates the seconds.

"Train departed Plymouth at 12:49 & 55 seconds" will be captured by SMART to the second and stored in TRUST as 12:49 - 1m early.

"Came to a halt at Paddington at 15:33 & 18 seconds" will also be captured by SMART to the second and stored in TRUST as 15:33 - 2m late.

Now you may say that we should be working to seconds in TRUST - but aside from the cost of altering the software, what is the point when the contractually timetable is published to the nearest half-minute?

And what does departure mean if you start working to the nearest second? When the doors close? When the wheels turn? When the platform is vacant for its next use?

UPDATE: This from The Sleeper...

Noting Tony Miles comments on TRUST...which is older, an HST or the TRUST system?

UPDATE: This from the aforementioned Mr Bruce...

And in answer to the question, "which is older, an HST or the TRUST system?", it must be the HST because TRUST started its implementation in 1985, if I remember correctly, just a year before I started work on it. This was on the LMR, plugging into the LM's ATR system.

It didn't capture class 2 and 5 units across the entire network until the beginning of Railtrack days and contractual regimes.

And I have a vague recollection that it didn't do automatic data collection on the Western until early Railtrack days when it plugged into various bits of Western signalling.

UPDATE: This further update from Mr Miles...

The point I was making about TRUST is that it is irrelevant when determining a speed record... (especially when it rounds by removing the seconds in the way it does.. according to TRUST the train started moving 55 seconds before it actually did... remind me to pass that really useful information to the organisers of the 2012 Olympics - it will make the race timings so much easier...)

100m - 1 minute
200m - 1 minute
400m - 1 minute
800m - 2 minutes
1500m - 4 minutes

Need I go on?

UPDATE: It would appear so. More from Mr Miles...

And might I just add that for the purposes of setting a time record it is from the moment the train starts to move until the moment it stops... (As has this thread. Ed)

Transport quangos to be abolished

The government has announced that the following Quangos are to be abolished (with a bowler tip to the Local Democracy Blog):

Department for Transport (DfT):

• BRB (Residuary) Ltd
• Commission for Integrated Transport
• Cycling England
• Disabled Persons’ Transport Advisory Committee
• Railway Heritage Committee
• Renewable Fuels Agency

Whilst the following DfT sponsored quangos will be retained:

• British Transport Police Authority
• Civil Aviation Authority
• Directly Operated Railways Ltd
• London and Continental Railways Ltd
• Northern Lighthouse Board
• Office of Rail Regulation
• Passenger Focus/Passengers’ Council
• Traffic Commissioners and Deputies
• Trinity House Lighthouse Service

One or two surprises in the retained list!

UPDATE: These additional details from The Skip...

BRB (Residuary) Ltd No longer a Public Corporation - Abolish body and transfer functions to the Secretary of State for Transport. BRBR will be wound up once a programme of asset disposals is complete

British Transport Police Authority Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government

Civil Aviation Authority Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality

Commission for Integrated Transport No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and seek arrangement that delivers external analysis and strategic advice on cross-modal transport policy and realising benefits, at lower cost

Cycling England No longer an NDPB - Abolish body. We have announced a Local Sustainable Travel Fund and will explore ways of marshalling expert input on cycling issues, including to support the Fund

Disabled Persons' Transport Advisory Committee No longer an NDPB - Abolish body. We are exploring options for continuing to gain the disability advice we need through a more flexible, accountable structure

Directly Operated Railways Ltd Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government

London and Continental Railways Ltd Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government

Northern Lighthouse Board Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government

Office of Rail Regulation Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality

Passenger Focus/Passengers' Council Retain and substantially reform - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality. Substantially reform to focus on core role of protecting passengers, while reducing cost to taxpayers

Railway Heritage Committee No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions. No equivalent protection applies to the heritage items of any other transport sector

So now you know!

UPDATE: This from a Mr West, currently residing in the North American Dominion,...

"Commission for Integrated Transport: No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and seek arrangement that delivers external analysis"

Doesn't that just mean using those over-priced consultants everyone keeps moaning about?

At least it will help boost private sector employment... (full disclosure: I was one of the those consultants before fleeing the country a few years ago).

Hitachi climbs into bed with the Brothers

Hitachi continues to pull out all the stops in a desperate attempt to save the doomed IEP.

Regular readers will recollect that last month the Japanese PM gave Cameron an ear bashing over threats to cancel the white elephant project.

Now Hitachi appears to have climbed into bed with Unite!

This from Politics.co.uk...

A petition, signed by 10000 people, mainly from County Durham will be handed in at 10 Downing Street today (1.00pm, 14 October). The petition calls on the government to endorse Hitachi's bid for the £7.5bn Intercity Express Programme.

Unite regional secretary, Davey Hall who will deliver the petition to Downing street said:

"The people of County Durham know how important this bid is for jobs and the local economy and they're urging the government to support Hitachi's bid. If the government gives the green light to this contract the investment would put the North East back on the map as a significant train manufacturer for the European market. The contract would be a huge boost to the region's economy, generating jobs and supporting Britain's manufacturing base."

Eye wonders if any particular union will be officially recognised at the proposed new facility?

First - where Moore is less

This from Captain James Bigglesworth...

Can nothing stop the relentless rise of one-time Department of Transport smoke and mirrors merchant Paul Moore?

Having returned to his roots at First Group after a controversial spell at Virgin he has once again loosed the surly bonds of earth and returned to the airline industry as comms director of Easyjet.

Ave atque vale and all that

Lookalike - The Hitchhikers Guide...

UPDATE: This from Mata Hari...

Congratulation to Eye on catching an industrial 'espioneure' in the act. Mr Prefect is clearly photographing the yaw damper, no doubt with the aim of selling the British design to some foreign power experiencing ride stability problems.

He should be apprehended and shot at dawn.

UPDATE: This from a Mr Malins...

Not a hitchhiker more a HitachiHiker?

First unveils budget train fleet

Exciting news from First Group's Sir Moir Lockhead.

The DfT's favourite operator is determined to show how, in the Age of Austerity, it is possible to get more train fleet for your pennies.

Here Sir Moir receives the first of his new Value for Money trains from Man with Beard.

First strenuously denied that the challenging dimension of the new vehicles would cause overcrowding problems.

University of Aberdeen computer modelling has shown the new fleet will comfortably meet demand for rail travel after January's fare increases.

Villiers vignettes... not us Guv', talk to DOR...

Tom Harris may not have a Shadow ministerial role but he is still more than able to expose nonsense from the Government front bench.

This extraordinary written response to a Harris PQ given in the House yesterday:

Tom Harris (Glasgow South, Labour)
To ask the Secretary of State for Transport what plans there are for use of Pendolino rolling stock for service on the East Coast Main Line; and what assumptions were made about the availability of rolling stock when the East Coast Main Line 2011 timetable was being prepared.

Theresa Villiers (Minister of State (Rail and Aviation), Transport; Chipping Barnet, Conservative)
We are aware of discussions that Directly Operated Railways have had about the use of a new Pendolino set on the east coast main line. This is an operational matter for Directly Operated Railways.

Additional rolling stock is not required for the operation of the May 2011 east coast timetable, which has been developed on the assumption that it will be operated using the existing east coast fleet.

So Villiers and her officials are claiming that the discussions about commissioning a new Pendolino on the East Coast Main Line was all Rail Barbie's idea and her's alone?

Eye does not believe this for one moment.

It is inconceivable that these discussions could have taken place without support from the highest level within DfT - after all Marsham Street is paying for the new trains.

How quickly the Saviour of the Jammy Dodger has become complicit in DafT's machinations!

Quiet Zone enforcement

Eye has been sent this Customer Service training video from an unnamed TOC.

Sadly it appears to promote a form of behaviour that is strictly against the law.

Perhaps you can spot where it is at fault?



That is correct.

The Man-with-no-name appears to be smoking.

ACoRP - his master's voice?

Oh dear.

It would appear that DafT's running dogs have been instructed to savage all those expressing views at variance with the wisdom that emanates from Marsham Street.

Amidst the news of scarecrows, flower gardens and coffee mornings this rather caustic comment appears in the October edition of ACoRP's Train on Line:

In the same issue [of New Transit] Richard Malins opines from his planet, wherever it is, that the benefits of gating are mythical...

The piece continues...

There’s a particularly interesting article by Adrian Wheatley [in Railway Strategies] on what stations should offer (including ‘live’ rather than recorded announcements and restricting access to non-travellers – are you reading this Mr Malins?)

Perhaps a little strong?

No matter.

Good to know that ACoRP has added revenue protection modelling to its current skillset of weeding, dusting and hanging bunting.

UPDATE: This from a Mr Malins of that Ilk!

Perhaps you could illustrate the news in your organ that I am being savaged by the DfT's running dogs with this picture, which was used to demonstrate the alleged benefits of ticket barriers in said letter to "Transit", and comes to us courtesy of Passenger Focus.


That letter went on to point out that these benefits are to be brought to East Coast passengers at King's Cross, a scheme piloted by Rail Barbie (self confessed no less) and, she tells me, to be installed on Platforms 0 - 5 by February 2011.

Sadly I am not a subscriber to ACoRP so I don't know what I am actually accused of in Train on Line, but I don't imagine, even in DfT's wildest dreams, that many stations they sponsor will get gated.