Christmas Quiz - Question 94

The Man by the Photocopier writes...

A curious release has just appeared from DafT’s Office of Seasonal Tales.

This purports to be government ‘backing’ for new train orders for Southern, amounting to 216 vehicles. Except that they have already been announced in principle and are not really for Southern, as the lower part of the release admits.

So why is Southern (a departing franchise) involved in ordering trains for the Midland Main Line?

Presumably they could well have their first outings on Thameslink (thus releasing some 319s., etc.) and from 2015 Southern + Thameslink are set to be joined together (depending on Mr Brown, of course).

Ah, Christmas. Always a good time to bury bad – or at least contentious – news...

UPDATE: A little more from The Man by the Photocopier...

Sometimes in spite of best efforts in the Horseferry Road there comes a rare gleam of clarity, even in these well-spun times.

A new Q + A just published by ever-helpful Southern about potential rolling stock orders includes this modest gem ...

Q The original announcement said that the option was for 100 carriages. Why has this changed to 140?

A This is what the Department for Transport has asked us to do.

Quite so.

UPDATE: This from Derbyshire Lad...

Might I be allowed to use your electronic organ to praise the DfT for its vision and insight in ordering more trains from a British factory rather than overseas.

Clearly the arrival of Patrick McLoughlin MP (Derbyshire Dales) at the Department for Transport has resulted in an outbreak of train procurement wisdom.

Patrick is a colossus amongst pygmys, a seer amongst the dullards... (cont in this vein for circa 94 pages. Ed)

UPDATE: This from The Archer...

Not wanting to spoil Christmas cheer in Derby but, the DfT’s release claims to be a year-end boost for train builders with two new train orders.

Note the plural ‘train builders’ rather than the singular ‘train builder’.

Bombardier is one of these train builders as they’ve got an order for another 40 carriages for Southern.

By definition then the second, and larger order, for 116 or 256 carriages, must be going to another train builder.

Merry Christmas Derby!
 

Fact Compiler outed as ladies man - Shocker

Eye's latest column in Passenger Transport, published on 14th December refers...

The next edition of Passenger Transport will be published on the 4th January.

LM shoddy service rewarded by franchise extension

Good to see that DfT is clamping down on poorly performing franchises.

Concealed amongst the self congratulatory press release from Stormin' Norman (who else!) boasting that the Government had secured £7m worth of ticketing geegaws for hard pressed London Midland commuters was the following:

"The deal that has been struck will also confirm the end date of the franchise as September 2015, ensuring that London Midland is given sufficient time to resolve these problems on a permanent basis."

Way, way back in the heady days of June 2007 when the franchise was first awarded the DfT statement to the Stock Market contained the following fearsome words...

"The new franchise will begin on 11th November 2007 and will run until 19th September 2015. The DfT has the right to terminate the franchise after six years if the operator is failing to meet agreed performance targets."

In fact sources suggest that the franchise contained a break point at six years, with an option for the DfT to extend it for a further 22 months.

Whilst the two other franchises let at the same time (EMT and CrossCountry) had both received notification from DfT some time ago that their franchises would be extended beyond the initial six years, on London Midland not a word!

That is until today.
 
So note to failing franchises - carry on the good work, the Department loves you.

UPDATE: This from Billy No Mates...

Could I point out that the £7m bung to LM commuters equates to just under two Laidlaw Inquiries.

Value for money indeed.

Attention bid teams - The Deerstalker Express!

A little festive cheer for colleagues currently twiddling their thumbs in bid teams.

This from Transport Scotland (396563-2012)...

Transport Scotland is seeking to appoint an appropriately experienced and qualified operator for the Caledonian Sleeper Rail Franchise running the overnight rail services for up to 15 years. The estimated contract cost is indicative only - please see Additional Information section for further details on the make up of the estimated contract costs. Estimated cost excluding VAT: 375 000 000 GBP

Play nicely!

Haines joins Eversholt as Non-Exec

This from Eversholt...

Eversholt Rail appoints Non-Executive Director

Eversholt Rail is pleased to announce the appointment of Andrew Haines as a non-executive director. He will join the Board on 1st January 2013.

Andrew is Chief Executive of the Civil Aviation Authority, a role he has held since August 2009.  He previously spent 23 years working within the railway Industry in a number of roles including Managing Director of South West Trains and Head of FirstGroup’s Rail Division.

Graham Love, non-executive chairman of Eversholt Rail, said: “We are looking forward to welcoming Andrew onto the Board and working with him. His wealth of experience will provide us with an invaluable insight in helping to meet the needs of our customers”.
 
So that looks like Hainesy ruled out for DG Rail!

Right Time Railway!

Apologies, long...

This made when even Norm' was in his nappies.



Right time, means right time!

A 'right time' DfT? Eye thinks not.

This from Rose Hill...

I have been delighted to see that Stormin' Norman and DfT are taking such a keen interest in performance.

They, quite rightly, recognise that if you are to make a commitment to your customers and stakeholders, it is vital to stick to your timetables, and deliver on what you promised.

As you can see from the below, all is going swimmingly!


 
92% PPM? A number DafT can only dream of!

Laidlaw - Now we can all count the costs

This from Third Degree Burns...

"The costs of the Laidlaw Inquiry are yet to be finalised as not all of the invoices have been received. The department's best estimate of the final costs of the Laidlaw Inquiry is £3.55 million".

How much!

Did Centrica Chief Executive Sam Laidlaw demand a gold throne from which to conduct his inquiry?

Evidently the energy sector has little to teach the railways about Value for Money.

Laidlaw tells it like it is!

This via the Birmingham Post...

Mr Laidlaw criticised the fact that the bidding was mainly conducted by a relatively junior DfT team, meaning that when transport ministers were briefed by senior civil servants about it, the ministers were "in a sense talking to the wrong people"...

Quite so.

Pretty much the experience of almost everybody who deals with the department.

ECML - It's a wash out!

This from JD Bitterspoon...

Rumour has it that DOR is branching out into a range of new sanitary ware.  

 

With the timetable reliability 'plumbing' new depths, customer service generally 'down the pan', passengers increasingly left with a 'sinking' feeling, East Coast's regular customers hope that they have better luck running this bath than they do a train service.  

Hour-plus delays the third Monday in a row, and no service at all between Peterborough and Kings Cross this morning.  

An absolute shower.

Eye observes:  If DOR entered the bathroom suite market no doubt the ORR would insist the 'plumbing' was provided by Network Rail. Inevitably, therefore, the new venture would fail to 'wash its face'. (that's enough leaky old jokes. Ed)

Odd things happening in the Shire...

Possibly the best Christmas card, ever!

Or possibly not...

Pass the mind bleach.

Uncle Merv's Christmas Quiz...

Time for an exciting new Eye feature - Uncle Merv's Christmas Quiz!

Using your skill and judgement can you explain why there is a shed code attached to this basket?

Answers via email to the Eye, or better still to Barrow Hill Roundhouse, the DfT or indeed anyone else with time on their hands before the 25th!

Pointless signs - Nottingham

Benefits of Nationalisation explained...

This from Ferrero Rocher...

Good to see nationalised East Coast knows what is, and what is not, appropriate reading for its passengers.

I recall that HRH The Prince of Wales once referred to the rulers of another statist regime as "Dreadful old waxworks".

Are they perhaps related?  

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

In my humble opinion this is more a matter of good taste. 

The hackneyed whinnying and whining from Railway Eye is, in my opinion, the childish... (sadly, owing to pressure of space, we are unable to publish the rest of Mr Strong's email. Ed).

UPDATE: This from those nice people at East Coast...

The Railway Eye blog as a whole can be accessed via East Coast’s on-train Wi-Fi, but in common with other websites, content within the blog which involves streaming video and audio can’t be accessed.

 

The reason is that streaming audio and video uses a lot of bandwidth, and can significantly reduce the speed at which others can use the Wi-Fi service on-board the train. 

This is also why audio/video content on sites such as BBC iPlayer, ITV Player et al cannot be accessed using on-train Wi-Fi.

 

Hope this helps to explain. (It does, thank you. Ed)

 

TOC of the Pops!

This from the Cloggies!


Snork!

But good effort.

Kim Wilde delights rail passengers...

Errrr....



Oh dear.

UPDATE: This from Fen Boy...

Kim Wilde must have had a very good evening if she thought that she was singing on the Underground as this was patently an FCC Class 365 speeding its weary load home to Hertfordshire.

The first giveaway was the guy in the distance sitting in the luggage stack opposite the toilet door and then, of course, towards the end with the relief that the torture was over when the train is seen arriving at FCC's Potters Bar station.

Latest exciting RDG news!

And here is the latest on the exciting developments at the Rail Delivery Group:

'Non.'

That is all.
 

Pointless signs - Gospel Oak

This, surprisingly, from Sir Barnes Wallis...

Come on London Overground, you can do better than this.

Desperate times: Man inserts ticket

This from Herr Bend o'Ver...

Is this the most desperate press release of the week?

According to FGW...

Newbury MP Richard Benyon will officially open Newbury Station’s ticket gates this Friday following £850,000 investment to improve the station environment...

The MP will tour the station, accompanied by First Great Western Managing Director Mark Hopwood, before opening the new gateline. 

'Benyon inserts valid ticket' - Hold the Front Page!

UPDATE: This from the Major...

I'm pleased to see that Richard Benyon is to officially open the ticket barriers at Newbury. 

If he could leave them open that would be most useful for all those passengers carrying bags, clutching cups of coffee, pushing prams, nursing arms in slings and everyone else for whom barriers are just that.

Pointless signs - Huddersfield

With apologies to all fans of Marcia...

Sadly, Eye fears that one day something similar may appear at Flinstock.

UPDATE: This from the Ghost of Sir Peter Parker...

The one-up-one-down halt on the Cotswold Line is Finstock, of course, not Flinstock.

Cameron's nearest station is actually here in Charlbury, but as it's a rare Lib Dem redoubt in West Oxfordshire, any statue here would be rapidly tarred and feathered by local militant Bromptoneers. 

But they have given me a memorial garden, for which I'm very grateful. It's even tended by a baronet and former paramour of Princess Margaret.