This from JD Bitterspoon...
Rumour has it that DOR is branching out into a range of new sanitary 
ware.  
  
With the timetable reliability 'plumbing' new depths, customer 
service generally 'down the pan', passengers increasingly left with a 
'sinking' feeling, East Coast's regular customers hope that they have 
better luck running this bath than they do a train service.  
Hour-plus 
delays the third Monday in a row, and no service at all between 
Peterborough and Kings Cross this morning.  
An absolute shower.
Eye observes:  If DOR entered the bathroom suite market no doubt the ORR would insist the 'plumbing' was provided by Network Rail. Inevitably, therefore, the new venture would fail to 'wash its face'. (that's enough leaky old jokes. Ed)