Pointless signs - Moor Park

This from Old MacDonald...

 
Perhaps 'Dangerous signs' might be a more apposite description?

How we have changed, for the better?

This from Digital Spy...

"One viewer complained that the 1970 movie starring Call the Midwife's Jenny Agutter may lead to children playing near railway tracks, reports BBC News."
 
One.

1.

An single person complained

Can you imagine the screams of anguish from our Health and Safety 'community' today?

I know, and I agree - Safety must be our priority!

But worth thinking about. No?

Cross-hatch Madness - Templecombe

This with a bowler tip to a Mr Tingey...


 
Why?

TPE introduces PEDs!

Exciting news for fans of Platform Edge Doors! (shurely Platform Edge Designs? Ed)

This from 'Northern Spirit'... 

Obviously the standard yellow line with white platform edge is not sufficient at Dewsbury (this is the slow line with fast trains in this direction using the through line). 

Good to see that in these times of austerity First TPE has discovered a cheap way to keep passengers away from platform edges, or an expensive way to waste paint...

Pointless signs - York

This from The Cynic...

In the spirit of the January sales, East Coast is offering ‘two pointless signs for the price of one’ on platform 4 at York!

Pointless signs - St Pancras

Good to see that nanny is alive and well at St Pancras...

Do we really need to treat passengers as if they are idiots?

Pointless signs - Bristol Temple Meads

This from a Mr Montgomery Burns...

Nanny State is alive and kicking in the West Country!

EMT launches personal Sleepers - Shocker

Apparently those naughty Top Gear boys have been filming on the Great Central Railway!

This from the Leicester Mercury...


To avoid palpitations, members of the 'Elf 'n' Safety taliban do not need to tune in.

UPDATE: This from NR's Internet Rapid Rebuttal Unit...

I can say from personal experience that Mr Clarkson takes his railway health and safety very seriously.

Here is a picture from 2006 where Top Gear pointed out the foolishness of car drivers trying to better trains at level crossings.


Note Clarkson wearing not just one but two hard-hats and accompanied by ahem, me.

Pointless sign - St Pancras South Eastern station

Pointless signs - National Railway Museum

Pointless signs - Paddington Platform 10

This from the Ticketcollector...


Just how many signs do you need for some batteries?

Pointless signs and pointless announcements

This from Captain Deltic...

Whilst on the subject of Pointless Signs, what about Pointless Announcements?

Has anyone ever seen any passenger get up and 'familiarise' themselves with the safety notices following pre-departure announcements?

UPDATE: This from the Warton Wizard...

At Leeds we have:

"Due to today's wet weather surfaces may be slippery when wet" even when it's sunny

"It is an offence to trespass on the railway, please keep off the tracks"

"This station operates a no smoking policy"

"Security staff patrol this station 24 hours a day"

plus a ludicrous one about a left luggage facility as well as many, many more.

Perhaps Eye should start a feature called Railway Gob-Shittery?

An excellent idea, thank you Warton Wizard.

Have you examples of fatuous announcements, railway gob-shittery or pointless noise pollution? If so send them to Eye at the usual address.

Pointless signs - East Midlands Parkway

This from the Wicked Weaver...

Here, at East Mid's Parkway - a virgin site upon which to build a multi-platform station - they've ended up with errr... 'steep' stairs.



It would be amusing, were it not so sad!

There must be thousands of such staircases, all to be labelled steep?

Who comes up with these things - is there a British Standard?

Pointless signs - St Pancras

This from Trailer Second...

I thought Eye readers might be interested in this hectoring nonsense lovingly crafted by someone with far too much time on their hands.

Seen at the bottom of the escalator at St Pancras.




Fortunately nobody stops to read it.

Pointless signs - Oxford

This from Globetrotter...

On a recent visit to Oxford, I spotted this gem in the middle of the station approach.


Apart from the fact that would-be passengers had presumably already taken their life into their hands getting from the city centre in the first place, the sign is conveniently positioned on the central island between two crossings, so everyone would have had to cross part-way before being admonished with the blindingly obvious.

Presumably more health n safety RCE-covering?

Pointless signs - Beckenham Junction

Not strictly a sign but you get the gist...


Who says the railways can't be flexible when it comes to 'Elf'n'Safety?

'Elf 'n' Safety front ends

This from the Commander...

In regard to the view of the glossy pic adorning RailTalk in this month’s edition of Captain Deltic’s flagship publication showing LUL’s new ‘S’ stock’ red front end, is there a difference I’ve missed in the requirements for National Rail and LUL?

One notices the Overground ELL units with their yellow front ends, and one remembers the SNCF having to adorn their beautiful casse-nez BB 22000s with yellow protuberances in case they ventured into the daylight at Folkestone.

Again, on mixed LUL/NR infrastructure areas, according to LUL Track Awareness, on receiving a warning from a train driver staff should move to a place of safety and then acknowledge, where as the NR PTS requires an acknowledgement before moving to a place of safety, or you’ll fail the exam.

Likewise, do Chiltern units sound the distinctive LUL warning notes on their horns according to their direction of travel where the lines merge north of Harrow?

Sorry to sound a discordant note - perhaps I would be better employed celebrating today's 205th Anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar!

UPDATE: The Fact Compiler observes...

The absence of a yellow front end on the ICE3 set at St Pancras received much comment on Tuesday.

As most modern trains now have front end lamps than can be seen from deep-space is it perhaps time to review this particular Standard?

Exciting new PPE kit for the Ladies

This from the Commander...

After the risk-averse culture requiring track visitors to wear all-over orange including trousers, necessitating the long-ago prophesied collection of useless data such as inside-leg measurement, we now have the same for our female colleagues.

I am agreeably surprised that the original specification of ‘safety’ footwear has been subject to a partial derogation in this instance, and that the prohibition on the wearing of short trousers on the track has also been allowed to lapse.

The below is from page 20 of the recently issued September edition of Railstaff.

From the report on the Liverpool Rail Plant Show, the caption reads:

“And finally, full marks to Sharesh from Universal. When she was told to wear full-orange for the day she quite naturally put on her orange miniskirt and high heels.”

Naturally!

London Midland - committed to 'Elf & Safety

This with a bowler tip to @Swlines, via twitter...

To celebrate successfully completing his A Levels @Swlines is undertaking a Pilgrimage of Grice with a 14 day All Line Rover.

You can follow his travels via Twitter or on his blog.

Health and safety spared the Age of Austerity

Hot on the heels of the Coucher Memorial Fencing which has been sprouting up around the network comes the latest in safety gold plating.

Welcome to the world of Stanchion Spikes!


Eyes correspondent Captain Biggles writes...

Has there been a sudden spate of stanchion climbers?

After all, the ac electrification seems to have managed without this 'protective' nonsense for 50 years.

Note that the stanchion in the background has not been treated...

Anyone any idea how much these new Elf'n'Safety features cost?