Thin gruel at DfT threatens Open Access!

Exciting news from Great Minster House!

This important announcement seen today…

We may safely assume that DfT's former chilly support for on-rail competition, will now be as stone-cold as their canteen food.

Behold the EMT Truffet!

Regular travellers on East Midlands Trains will have noticed that the company has dispensed with buffets in favour of trolleys.

Eye commends this decision to abolish outdated and 'unpopular' (sic) buffets...


...as it cleverly makes space for errr... trolleys!

Beardie Rail unveils 'simplified' catering offer

This from the late W E Johns...

Beardie rail has finally thrown in the towel and provided menus on its services.

It has gone further by providing food on some of them too, although you will need to be an aficionado of railway geography to understand whether you will get a Kipper or a cuppa.

This is because of the footnotes, which would be a credit to the Sunday table 65, circa 1973. But more later.

To begin (literally), one has to choose whether one is on a 'Breakfast' or 'Light Breakfast' train.

This is not determined by the time of day; rather the time that the train started its journey.

Thus, if one is feeling peckish at Preston, then the 10:17 departure has crossed the line and only a light breakfast will be served. If, however one waits until 11:56, ('full') breakfast will be served as the train leaves Glasgow before the 1000 watershed. Of course, Lancastrians expecting to tuck in to a mid day lunch might be perplexed to find a full breakfast (these days sans black pudding) on offer.

It doesn't stop there.

Trains between 11:00-17:00 and after 19:00 have what are optimistically described as 'a choice of two seasonal hot options (that's the stuff that lurks in vats on the trolley, clad in tin foil) and sandwiches'.

Between 17:00 and 19:00 an evening meal is served, leading to a whole string of possible anomalies across the WCML.

However, Beardie has a clever plan to outwit even the greatest pedant.

This is a return to the 12-hour clock on the menu, together with a disclaimer that 'times are approximate and may vary according to your journey'.

Thanks for that!

Now to the footnotes...


*on Wolverhampton-Euston, cereal served in First Class Lounge only (translation-you've missed out stupid)
** selected services only (cheese and biscuits).

And the best for last...

'Customers travelling between London and Milton Keynes may enjoy a cup of tea/coffee' (translation-'that is all you deserve. We already have to share the revenue with London Midland. And don't anyone else think they will get anything until after MK going north').

The outcome of the latter means that it is practically impossible for some London to Coventry passengers to enjoy a relaxed meal if they are on a train which calls at Milton Keynes.

Virgin promotes healthy eating

So who was the First Group senior executive whose Beardie Rail breakfast was dramatically curtailed on Monday morning?

Bemused customers witnessed the scene as Virgin staff served a breakfast to the industry big-wig, only to confiscate it minutes later.

Apparently the traveller's papers were deemed 'not in order', falling foul of Beardie Rail's restrictions on bearer pass dining.

The usual fiver for any additional information...

Exciting new catering offer from DOR

This from Puffing Billy...

Good news for those interested in railway catering.

There was much disappointment last month when East Coast cancelled, at short notice, the launch of its new catering offer.

Happily it would appear that the state owned TOC has found a new venue to unveil it's exciting plans for the future - no less a location than the opulent Stafford Hotel in the exclusive St James area of London.

As well as offering trade hacks the chance to meet with Rail Barbie and Karen Boswell over a 'special meal', tonight's invitees have also been promised a tour of the hotel's unrivalled wine cellar and, as an added bonus, a 'special guest' appearance by a senior figure from Network Rail!

In these austere times it is comforting to know that the public sector can still put on a good show.

Perhaps Sir Philip Green should call by to see such efficiency in action?

UPDATE: This from one of Eye's spies at last night's dinner...

It would appear that Ms Holt is one of Eye's growing band of devotees.

She began last night's festivities by introducing herself as 'Rail Barbie'...

Good effort.

Arriva brings together staff and passengers

Exciting news from Arriva Cross Country

Judging by traincrew announcements aboard an XC service to Edinburgh this morning the introduction of new catering rosters has not gone well.

Parched and starving passengers certainly shared this view.

Arriva Trains Wales premier service on film

Nice bit of video - but what an extraordinary piece of demode music...



With a bowler tip to @andylaird25 via Twitter

UPDATE: This from PZT over at errr.. Peezedtee...

What do you mean, "an extraordinary piece of demode music"?

It's very nice music - PROPER music, for a change.

Presumably to chime with the fact that the chef is talking about it being an old-fashioned service.

Nothing extraodinary about it at all!

Alliva Closs Countly

This from the Ninja...

Arriva Cross Country must be getting desperate...

...judging by the enthusiasm of its train managers for excessing any passenger whose knowledge of rail fares falls just slightly short of Barry Doe's.

So far (on 1M46) I've seen one spend the time between Basingstoke and Reading winning a prize for revenue protection - but not international relations - with his treatment of four Japanese tourists unwise enough to use an SWT Groupsave ticket on an AXC "voyager".

Plus the new mobile shopette (or trolley) cornered two girls at Banbury and they got overcarried to Leamington before they could get past to rescue their luggage. Not sure if they got exc'eed though!

Perhaps it's an attempt to reduce overcrowding as I don't expect they'll be back in a hurry.

Death of the machine - Shocker

Telegrammed by our Independent Expert
The fightback against mechanized mugging has begun!

This seen next to a vending machine on the down platform at Wickford today:


Perhaps a portent?

One heralding the return of decent on-train nosh in East Anglia?

(Start lobbying Stagecoach now folks. Ed)

Arriva XC - Lather and lace?

Arriva Cross Country must be upping its game!

Judging by the chintzy lace blinds to be found on this Voyager set pictured at Sheffield.


Presumably the much derided 'trolley' now has a linen tablecloth?

UPDATE: This just in from Arriva Cross Country...

Dear Fact Compiler

Having seen the picture of our splendid Voyager at Sheffield I couldn't help but comment.

While we aim to ensure our customers' travel experiences with us are excellent, we hadn't actually thought about putting lace blinds in the windows.

However, looking at the image a little closer I think you will find that anyone who likes the idea could enjoy a similar experience by sitting opposite any stationary train at that platform on a suitably sunny day to get the same reflection from the canopy edgings.

Sadly, like the accusation our 'trolley' service is "much derided", there's just no truth to the story...

A lament for the Voyager shop

The Fact Compiler salutes Arriva Dross Country.

In particular the genius who decided to dispense with the shop in favour of an 'at-seat' (sic) trolley service.

As last week saw the final shop removed from the Voyagers the following plaintive call is to be heard aboard all XC services:

"Due to overcrowding and luggage in the aisles the trolley cannot make it down the train. Passengers wanting refreshments are invited to come to the end of coach F."

Brilliant - replace a fixed retail unit in the centre of the train with one at the far end.

And of course it carries less stock because it's just a trolley.

Did any of the bid team, so ably supported by First Class Partnerships, ever ride XC services in summer?

UPDATE: This just in from 'Bacon Butty'...

Eye readers might like to know that during the bidding there were many "mystery shoppers" aboard XC services and the shop staff all warned these people about overcrowding, bumpy vestibule connections and the general unsuitability of trolleys.

Perhaps one for Lord Adonis to get his teeth into after he's sorted out catering on the new state owned (but FCP managed) East Coast franchise...

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

Bollox to that!

Screw the Voyagers.

The HST's are great.

Arriva do proper trains!

UPDATE: This from Simon...

Your post on the problems caused by the removal of the shops from the Voyagers is all too familiar to this regular traveller from Oxford to Southampton .

Not only has this wrecked catering provision, it has also significantly worsened the provision for bicycles.

The previous four bike spaces (at the end of coach F) have been replaced by three (in part of the space previously occupied by the shop), one of which is effectively unusable, and all of which require you to block the door and aisle while struggling to suspend your bike from the ceiling hook.

When you add to this the fact that Cross Country seem to make no attempt to enforce their ‘mandatory’ cycle reservation policy, things rapidly descend into a free-for-all, particularly at peak hours, and those with reservations (like yours truly) regularly end up standing in the corridor connection for long periods, being attacked by the automatic doors.

Anyone would think the DfT wanted people to drive to the station!

NXEC takes the biscuit!

This just in from '20 year commuter'...

The service deterioration on National Express East Coast has been well documented by Eye.

But now it looks like hand-back mode has really kicked in as 'Adonis-Dunkers’ have now started gracing first class tables.

In recent months hard-working but weary travellers on the East Coast have been treated to 25g of tasty biscuit delight, courtesy of Walkers (the biccie people not the crisp purveyors).

The normal twin biscuit bonanza offered passengers such sumptuous flavours as Belgian chocolate, oat crunch, stem ginger and the classic shortbread.

Alas, this week they seem to be getting fewer and further between as the cheaper Walkers ‘shortbread mini round’ (at a very mini 11g) takes over.

Woe is me – not enough biccie to dunk in the tea!

UPDATE: The Major crumbles:

Some passengers may be seeing smaller biscuits, others are seeing none whatsoever.

Here's hoping Elaine does biscuits...

First Great Boo-Boo

Telegrammed by our Independent Expert
Radio4's 'You and Yours' consumer show ran an item today about FGW cutting back on restaurant cars.

Breathless reporter comes on 'live from the train'. (starts about 11:30 in)

But the station announcement, presumably dubbed in by an over excited editor, proclaims "Reading-Bramley-Basingstoke".

A travelling chef sausage-burger to the first Eyer who can recall the last time a restaurant car stopped at Bramley (pop. 3393).

UPDATE: This just in from an 'Anonymous' reader...

Travelling yesterday on one of our (formerly) great main lines I was told the only food left available to standard was ham or bacon.

Vegetarians are not protected by law but surely Jewish and Muslim passengers also have a right to eat on the move?

Duck Soup

A question for My Lord Adonis.

Why is catering on trains a 'commercial decision for train operators' when, following the Pilgrimage of Grice, catering provision at stations is now to be determined by a government minister?

Particularly as station catering is nothing to do with the franchised operators, being mostly in the hands of Select Service Partners.

Would the minister care to clarify?

UPDATE: This from Sir Humphrey Beeching...

The Treasury is particularly pleased with this unfunded commitment.

Don't forget your Tiffin Box

It gets worse!

First on train catering hits the wall.

Now the station caterer of choice is accused of being over leveraged!

One piece of good news.

At least carriage seats won't need to get any bigger.

London Midland to abandon catering?

As the downturn bites owner groups are coming up with ever more Ludicrous reasons for cutting back on catering

This from UK Railway...

Travelling today on a 350/2 from Liverpool, the Trolly Dolly informed me that hot drinks cannot be served to standard class passengers for safety reasons.

Will Permatan Rail be the first to abandon on-train catering for 'elf'n'safety' reasons?

Boiled plums

Relaxing aboard an SWT service from the coast The Fact Compiler thought he'd chance an at seat coffee, served from the trolley.

Having removed the lid, and taken a sip, your correspondent's hawk like eyes chanced upon a tiny message typed along the seam.

Deftly turning the cannister to get a better view...

What genius decided this fatuous warning should be positioned here?

Oh no it's not!

When is a franchise commitment not a franchise commitment?

When DafT says so, silly!

Bowler tip to Rail Manager on Line for these gems:

This from DafT on the 14th August 2007:
"NXEC will provide a full restaurant service on 87 train services Monday to Friday with an improved range of full meals".

This from DafT on 6th January 2009:
"Catering is not covered by the franchise agreement with National Express East Coast and is a matter for the train operating company".

DafT - making it up as they go along.

Portion working

The Fact Compiler has received the following amusing anecdote from a reader:

En route to Wirksworth a colleague catches an EMT service from Luton. Being late in the day, he seeks refreshment from the buffet. On offer is "Soup and a baguette".

Passenger: "Soup please".

Steward: "Sorry sir, we can't sell you the soup this evening"

Passenger: "Why not?"

Steward: "We're out of baguettes."

The Fact Compiler doesn't know whether to compliment EMT staff on their honesty or cry.

Pretzel Bahn

Good news for passengers of DB owned Chiltern.

This from The Times...

The Fact Compiler would pay good money to see Adrian Shooter doing the same.