Railway Dictionary update

 This from our lexicographer friend Barry Spotter...

The word for today is:

Optimism: hopefulness and confidence about the future or success of something.

See also: Late, Expensive, Missing, etc...

Eye's Summer Special Offer!

This from Barry Spotter Enterprises...

Having trouble with air conditioning controllers going walkabout?

Do you find yourself unable to keep your office or mess room at just the right temperature to allow restful sneaky snoozes on company time?

Have no fear! The Southern Region has the answer!

Just attach your air-con hoofer-doofer to a spare insulating pot using cable ties and flummox any remote control pilfering miscreants!!

Price: Just a fraction of the cost of all that knitting nonsense that is going so well elsewhere in the country.

Note: Offer only available on the Southern Region, London Underground and Merseyrail*.

*Customers on the Eastern, London Midland, North Eastern, Scottish & Western regions will need to install proper traction supply systems before purchasing.

Groucho has the answer!

Telegrammed by Barry Spotter
I note that whilst tourists are being told to delete pictures of bus stations, government ministers are allowed to broadcast their travel movements on the internet.

Am I alone in spotting a slight hint of total f**king nonsense in this anti-terrorist bollocks?

Or is it just that the Police no longer know the difference between right and wrong?

Or perhaps, perish the thought, the entire Surveillance State serves a purpose that has nothing to do with the security of its citizens?

Oh sod this. I'm too annoyed to write any more.

I'm going to go and read Marx in readiness for the revolution!

Norries

Telegrammed by Barry Spotter
With the Stourbridge Branch still awaiting the introduction of the comedy Plastic Parry Mover, bustitution remains the order of the day.

However, good news reaches Railway Eye from Cambodia!

For those in a hurry forward to 2mins and 10 secs into the video.

Perhaps this is the new, environmentally friendly, version of the Parry People Mover?

UPDATE: This from Captain Deltic...

Railway Eye is to be congratulated on discovering DfT's secret test track for the Bi-mode IEP. No wonder there is so much confidence in the project.

An end to electrification woes

Telegrammed by Barry Spotter
Worried about pulling down the wires?

Concerned that you might have to rebuild dozens of bridges and lower the floors of tunnels?

Well worry no more, for the Southern has the answer!

It's the all-old, all-tried, tested and almost-nearly-sometimes completely reliable in snow and ice Juice Rail!

Why spend silly money on dangling bits of 25Kv-fed wire across the scenery when you can keep drivers and track-workers nervous for longer with 750dc on the floor?

Contact the Southern Region General Offices, Waterloo Station, for further details.

Remember - it's sunnier down South!

Awash

Telegrammed from the Mess room by Barry Spotter
Even if dear old Gordon is out of ideas, it appears that concepts from across The Pond are finding favour amongst the broadsheets.

Andrew Rawnsley has been sampling the Blue Ridge Parkway, part of Roosevelt's public works scheme from the 1930s. Obama has promised a similar raft of projects to fend of the worst of the deepening global recession. How heartening to read this little gem buried half-way down the column:

"The more I think about it, the more sure I become that there have to be smarter ways of using billions of pounds than encouraging people to go shopping for more foreign imports. If the government is going to spend like there is no tomorrow, better to use the money building things that might be useful when tomorrow comes. Better to invest in Britain. That way, when we do eventually emerge the other side of recession, we will be in a fitter place to exploit a resumption of growth. The case is even more compelling because this is a country crying out for serious investment to improve its creaking infrastructure.

"There are plenty of needs to be met. Let me suggest three projects that would provide much better value for money than squittering away any more billions on electronic toys from the Far East. The first and most screamingly obvious candidate for investment is Britain's outdated railways. We are now in that dreadful season when a centimetre of snow is capable of paralysing our antediluvian rail network. It is as bewildering as it is shocking that our railways are so bad. Britain invented the train. We live in a compact, temperate and relatively flat country with no mountain ranges like the Alps or the Rockies to negotiate. Nature gifted us geography ideally suited for a fast, efficient and green rail network."

Antedeluvian might be a bit strong, though.

I'm fairly sure the British railway network doesn't date from before the Biblical flood...