Trainly speakibold - Facilities Management

This from @GrimNorth via Twitter...

Please could Prof Unwin help with this?



Professor Unwin offers: Door shut. Oh yes.

Trainy speakibold - Raj Edition

This with a bowler tip to Dan in India.

From the Times of India (Calcutta edition)...


What a splendid challenge!

Eye hopes that the mother country of the railways can do better?

Trainy Speakibold - Petrol-head Hammond

This from our very own Secretary of State for Transport...

"A key focus of this audit will be the effectiveness of implementation of the Review recommendations and the extent to which additional measures are necessary to deliver the expected outcomes for them."

Perhaps worth reminding the SofS that a stream of words does not necessarily equate to useful information...

UPDATE: This from Captain Deltic...

If the SoS is concerned about 'real passengers' , there must be an opposite category of 'unreal' passengers.

Does he mean passengers on trains and at stations as opposed to people who are thinking about becoming passengers? Is there a single adjective? I rather like 'putative'.

Eye readers can no doubt help.

UPDATE: This from Our International Correspondent...

Real passengers are carbon-based, 80% water, have a valid ticket, and are sometimes invited to stay overnight in trains courtesy of Sir Herbert Walker's wrong-type-of-third-rail legacy.

Unreal passengers are smaller, made by Airfix and you have to cut them off a sprue and paint them.

UPDATE: This from Mr Tuppence Worth...

My commute is provided by one of two TOCs – one being Souter’s route to the capital, the other having moved into the hands of DB earlier this year.

The former have issued an emergency timetable the past two days and their usual website has been replaced with key information for would-be patrons including said timetable. This strategy has enabled them to cope with both fewer staff showing up and reduced rolling stock and network reliability/availability. To all intents and purposes they have kept to their revised plans.

The latter have been a little more optimistic and claimed to be able to run a full service south of the Antonine Wall. Needless to say, they haven’t kept to that for the past two days and made numerous cancellations and curtailments, and been subject to many a delay.

So which is more beneficial to passengers: bold ambition or humble realism?

UPDATE: This from a Lucas Skybanker...

After the pathetic availability of info this week I would have thought all the franchises and whoever it is who controls timetable and running info should make it freely available to developers and re-publishers.

Sadly ATOC appears to be determined to milk this data for all it's worth.

On the tube it is easy to see how things are going, you can simply look up a map showing train movements in real time.

Shouldn't all trains have GPS on them with real time info on their position available to all?

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

I see that Petrol-head has asked David Quarmby to audit the performance of various transport modes during the recent severe weather.

Perhaps a strange choice as Quarmby just happens to be Chairman of road lobby group the RAC Foundation.

Of course Quarmby is welcome to audit the railways, providing Hammond asks Swampy to do the same for the road network.

UPDATE: This from The Archer and numerous others...

I suspect this is a simple typo and should have read Rail Passengers, the audit will after all look into various transport modes.

Still, pretty shocking that this typo wasn’t picked up, particularly given the increased importance of information during periods of disruption!

My message to the SoS is clear: dictated letters must be proof-read.

Trainy Speakibold - FCC

This from a Mr Sim Harris...


In spite of the snow, it's good to see that Professor Unwin has reported for duty.

Trainy speakibold - Villiers vignetitude

This written answer given by Cruella on the 23 November...

Julian Smith (Skipton and Ripon, Conservative)
To ask the Secretary of State for Transport how many complaints he received on the way in which (a) East Coast Mainline, (b) Grand Central, (c) Northern Rail, and (d) Transpennine Express communicate with their customers in the latest period for which figures are available.

Theresa Villiers (Minister of State (Rail and Aviation), Transport; Chipping Barnet, Conservative)
For the most recent quarterly period the Department for Transport has received six complaints concerning East Coast Mainline, nil for Grand Central, five for Northern Rail and one for Transpennine Express, about the way in which the operators commutate with their customers

Commutate? Commutate!

Prof Unwin comments: Deep joy as Villipede commutate so chloroform. Trebley and Jammy Dodgybic all round.

Trainy speakibold - Central line

This from the Skip...

Can Professor Unwin help me with this one, seen at Liverpool St today?

Absence of punctuation opens the range of possible scenarios even further!!


Prof Unwin comments "Peter Tollibold student magnum cum loadhailer in the university. Deep, deep study Unwinese and much joy all across Undergrid at speaky script so clear!".

Trainy speakibold: Merseyrail

This from Rudi over at the Merseyrail Press Office...

It seems Eye's new Trainy Speakibold is catching on.

Witness this message from control:

"Netrail report a van has struck Ellens Lane overbridge at Port Sunlighty, no delay to services anticipated."

Deep joy!

Trainy speakibold: Train to Crystal Palace

This from @carmenego via Twitter...

Prof Unwin offers: "Whilst knowy all thing langispeak this deeply confusy. London Overgrab excell in deep folly upside-daddle worms."

Trainy speakibold - Victoria liine

This from Tingly Nell...

From the Victoria line...

“This service is being delayed because of signalling and control problems”

Prof Unwin suggests: “Coburgly happy sleepytime, wakey quicksnap! Not knowy which buttonholey pushy, all tubey trundle stop. Deep woe.”

Trainy Speakibold - CSRballs

Professor Unwin compliments Evoli Rail Systems for this splendid example of CSRballs...

The last par in particular is a delight.

Evolvi Rail Systems comment on rail pricing formula changes announced in the Comprehensive Spending Review:

"The change in the rail formula will in time lead to potentially significant fare increases for business travellers, particularly for 'walk-up' tickets," says Jon Reeve, Trade Relations Director at Evolvi, the online rail booking and fulfilment company specialising in business travel.

"This will likely prompt more companies to consolidate their rail bookings within a managed travel policy compliant purchasing environment - in this way they will be able to optimise available budgets through advance purchase, expense monitoring and seamless P2P processes. Organisations will certainly need to leverage the technical innovation brought to market by tools like Evolvi to assist their procurement of rail travel in order to mitigate as far as possible the future increases."

Sadly even the good Prof couldn't translate this cobblers. Deep woe!

UPDATE: This from Sinoda...

Lovely to see that our old friend Sir Humphrey Applebold is writey press releasey for the Evolvi.

Oh, happy day!

UPDATE: This from Wonky Tom...

I *think* it means something like walk-up tickets will get more expensive, so business passengers will switch to advance tickets. However, these are so complex (unlike the release) that they will have to use our product to get the best deals"

It's either that or something about the pen of my aunt.

Trainy speakibold: SWT

The late Prof Unwin particularly compliments SWT on this piece of railway speak:

"Delays due to power supply problem at Vauxhall."

Translation: 'Trainy got on firibold. Naughty 'leccy.'

Trainy speakibold: Merseyrail

Time for an exciting new Eye feature!

Trainy Speakibold - a deep joy and treat'n for the lugfolds (with a doff of the bowler to the late Prof Unwin).

According to a Mr Murray:

Returning from Liverpool on Merseyrail on Wednesday of last week the following announcement as made:

“There are presently no services to Chester and Ellesmere Port due to traction current isolation at Police request”

My wife asked me “what the hell was all that about?”.

So I said “They’ve had to switch the electricity off because the Police have asked them to, most likely because somebody has run on to the track”.

She said “well why didn’t they say that, then?”.

Of course railway people know the meaning of phrases such as “track circuit failure”, “traction current isolation” etc... but do any of the travelling public?

Further examply of trainy speakibold much welcome, oh yes.