New TfL Bored

Where Captain Deltic leads Mystic Wolmar is sure to follow.

This is not necessarily a good thing.

Regular readers of Railway Eye will be aware that Roger Ford received a big raspberry from NR's troughocracy when he applied to become a Public Member.

Alas Christian Wolmar's application to join the Board of TfL has received a similar brush-off from Mayor BoJo.

With Wolmar out the frame The Fact Compiler thought he would offer a quick 'dullards guide' to TfL's new Board.

Tim Parker – Transport Commissioner – NON-RUNNER

Steven Norris – Big political beastie – Hero

Kulveer Ranger – Who he? – Zero

Christopher Garnett – GNER – Hero (BUT if ODA overspend continues - Zero)

Tony West – 'The Godfather' – Massive Hero

Dame Tanni Grey-Thompson – Olympian – Hero

Bob Oddy – Brother of Bill? – Zero

Steve Wright – No good on Radio 2 – Zero

Eva Lindholm – Crazy name – crazy gal – Hero

Keith William – Ex BA and brother of Just? – Hero

Patrick O’Keeffe – Untie, gets Dyslexic 'brothers' vote – Hero

Peter Anderson – MD Canary Wharf Group – Zero (have they paid for the JLE yet?)

Judith Hunt – Inclusion, blah, blah, blah – Hero (PC and Bar)

Sir Mike Hodgkinson – If Baronet – Hero

Charles Belcher – Railwayman and Gent – Hero

Daniel Moylan – Must have Polaroids of BoJo – Zero

If Railway Eye readers have any additional insights into TfL's new Board then please forward them to the usual address...

Tomorrow's railway

Ceri Evans, Communications Director of the late, and strangely much lamented SRA, was better known to the industry as Chemical Ceri.

A shame really.

Alongside Ceri's tenacious loyalty was a genuine vision about how to deliver the passengers of tomorrow.

Which annoyed Number 10.

As the PM's transport wonk made clear at an industry lunch: "It is not the job of the SRA to promote the railways!"

And thus the SRA was abolished.

Back to today.

The Fact Compiler has revisited one of Chemical's visions.

It was for a 'Classroom on rails' - using rail as both the 'message' and the 'medium'; and for which budgets and plans were laid

In short - the SRA was to create a classroom on rails for Key Stage 2 Children and visits towns and cities across the nation offering lessons aboard.

"Children are taught, as part of the National Curriculum, about how the future of the railway is every bit as integral to national life as it was in the past... (and)... how the railway continues to transform and enrich our nation."

Alas the SRA was abolished before this wonderful scheme could be delivered.

Who has the vision in today's railway to win tomorrow's customer?

Perhaps Iain Coucher of Team Railway fame?

Perhaps not.

Train-u-like

Telegrammed by The Master
Overheard this afternoon...

... as traincrew boarded the 1611 Worcs - Padd (formed of an HST rather than an Adelante).

"It's nice to have a proper train!"

Hull Trains take note!

A two pipe problem

To whom does 31468 belong?

Owners RMS Locotech were convinced it belonged to them.

However, prior to its move from Barrow Hill to Derby the following signs were found plastered inside the loco's cab.

"A case of mistaken identity Holmes?"

"Certainly one of trespass Watson!"

Sayonara Voyager

Plenty of media noise over the young infantryman turfed off an Arriva Cross Country service for having a discounted ticket and no supporting Forces Railcard.

The strongest condemnation was rightly reserved for the alleged comments of the Senior Conductor: "I don't know what you are complaining about. It is not as if you've taken a bullet or anything".

These words may well come back to haunt Arriva.

Seeking to cut through the media noise The Fact Compiler visited the insider forums on WNXX where he found the following pithy analysis of the event:

Squaddie gets train with discounted ticket
Squaddie has no railcard on his person
Gets gripped, offers lip, gets chinged
Goes to papers, makes money

None-the-less perhaps the former Virgin Voyagers should now be renamed Arriva Bullet Trains?

Public service announcement

Paul Bigland, Pictographer Royal to the railway industry, has been sending out frantic emails to all and sundry:

"I managed to lose my Blackberry out of a train window at the weekend - so I've lost all your phone numbers.

Please feel free to text me with abuse, but please put your name to it so that I know it's your number!"

If you know Paul perhaps you could oblige...

Trying Scotsman

Further to the piece earlier this week on the 'Crying Scotsman' a missive reaches The Fact Compiler from the editor of Model Rail magazine.

Ben Jones, a man knows his scale models, commends The Flying Scotsman cuckoo clock to Railway Eye readers.


As Ben sagely points out "It moves".

Not much like the real thing then.

Come back Ceri all is forgiven

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
When it comes to erasing inconvenient historical truths the ATOC press office makes the airbrush artists of the Soviet Union look like rank amateurs.

Here a spokesman, quoted in today's FT, responds to the Great Slow Trains scandal:

"Punctuality had improved significantly to 90% plus after languishing around 80% a decade ago".

In the real world a decade is equivalent to 10 years.

Therefore 2008 minus 10 years takes us back to errr...1998.

According to the former SRA's ineffable National Rail Trends publication PPM in 1998/99 was 87.9%.

Just one year earlier (1997/98) PPM was actually a stonking 89.7%!

And, of course, in those dim and distant days the railway needed half the cash it soaks up today.

So is it the policy of the new brooms at ATOC to be 'economique avec la veritie'?

On the rocks

Now that the dust is settling following BoJo's shock announcement last week that TranSys' Oyster Card contract is to be terminated, perhaps it is time to ask a question or two.

When the contract with TranSys was originally signed Bob "the rebuilder" Kiley was the man in charge at TfL.

Despite expanding vast amounts of energy (and public money) on unsuccessful attempts to stop the PPP, little attention appears to have been paid to those areas that TfL did have direct control over - eg the TranSys contract.

So why was there no breakpoint written into the original contract?

Perhaps something that vodka Bob overlooked between visits to the offy?

Rail Power 2008

Much excitement amongst the Barrow Hill fraternity.

Word on the grapevine has it that alien rock legend 'Zontar' will be making a special guest appearance at the Hill's 'Rail Power 2008' event (22nd - 25th August).

Devotees of the surreal will have the opportunity to be pictured alongside Zontar as he cranks the gas turbine, in return for donations to the DPS fighting fund.

It promises to be an event that's out of this world...

Half full or...

Retail Price Inflation for July published = 5%

Regulated fares increase in January by RPI+1 = 6%

What impact on demand?

UPDATE: More in today's FT here

Spin spin sugar

Is this yet another example of the decline in proof reading at ORR since Tom Winsor left?

We quote from KPMG's report (for the Office of Rail Regulation) into strengthening NR Governance:

"Possible options for further exploration regarding information provided to members include:

• Amending ORR briefings

As previously mentioned, these reports are not, however, produced specifically with the membership’s skills, experience and perspectives in mind."

So that's alright then.

KPMG advises the independent economic regulator to dumb-down its briefings to suit the "mixed abilities" of NR's public members?

Perhaps a Sir Richard Mottram moment?

Crying Scotsman

The Fact Compiler has received the following missive from Andy Roden, saviour of the Cornish sleeper and author of an excellent book on the 'Flying Scotsman'.

"As you’ve been covering a lot of heavy politics recently, I thought you might be interested in a wee distraction to amuse and entertain.

The link is below, but as a taster to whet your appetite…"


Andy - thank you. Our joy is full.

Hurry to buy the 'Romance of Steam Flying Scotsman Village Clock' here.

The Fact Compiler wonders who at the NRM "Officially Authorised" this magnificent illuminated geegaw?

Money for old rope

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
One of KPMG's insightful suggestions on how to improve Network Rail governance is:

• establishing a mission statement for members, setting out the members’ aims and values.

Did ORR really use our hard earned money to pay for this guff?

Sloppy work by KPMG

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
Railway Eye readers have already noted that KPMG appear unsure what infrastructure NR is actually responsible for (see post below).

Further inconsistencies have emerged.

In the executive summary of its review of Network Rail governance, the consultants list:

Possible options for further exploration regarding organisation of members.

These include:

• increasing the number of members;

• reducing the number of members;

How could they have missed the third option - Keeping the same number of members?

Who says accountancy is all about detail?

(Note to ORR. This advice has cost you £75,000 at the standard hourly billable rate for Railway Eye Consultants)

Spot the difference...

...between the railway line pictured on the front cover of the ORR report into NR Corporate Governance and any assets that NR are actually responsible for. Perhaps NR's new Midlands & Continental territory is looking to expand?

Sleeping partner

Stiff competition

Telegrammed by our Independent Expert
Passengers on the first run of the "Hope Valley Executive", Cargo-D's Deltic-hauled dining train at the the weekend, were mystified to find a Mk 3 sleeping car marshalled on the rear.

There was much speculation over the reason for this as customers noshed their way across the Pennines behind 55022.

Was it for "executives" to take power naps after the port and stilton?

Or was it, as someone suggested, to provide the ultimate "have-it-away-day."?

Either way, it could perk up the flagging charter market!

Guinea pig

Red Faces All Round at the West Coast Railway Company this morning.

Despite being their most prestigious charter train ever, passenger loadings on yesterdays 40th anniversary re-run of the 1T57 '15 Guinea Special' were described by on-board hacks as 'abysmal'.

Thousands lined the route from Liverpool to Carlisle yet it would appear that few travelled on the train itself.

The original 15 Guinea Special ran with 440+ plus passengers. Yesterdays re-run had less than half that number despite being the first public train to be hauled by celebrity kettle 70013 Oliver Cromwell following its recent overhaul.

High ticket prices were blamed by some potential punters not to mention the ridiculous return time into Liverpool (after 11pm on Sunday night).

But the recent high profile spat between 'Wet Coat' and Steam Railway mag, over allegations of 'over the wall spying' before the recent Carnforth open day, may have also played it's part.

So poor are Wet Coat's relations with Steam Railway, the UK's best selling kettle rag, that no ads for the charter appeared in the magazine, this despite its readers paying the lions share of Cromwell's overhaul. Staff on the mag were also advised that their presence on the charter would not be welcome.

All this on top of the recent Cumbrian bridge barbecue and reported poor loadings on the thrice weekly 'Scarborough Spa Express' means that these are not exactly happy times for 'Britain's Premier Charter Train Operator'.

Crossrail lite?

While Crossrail has received Royal Assent it is unlikely that the proposed scheme will ever be built.

In tandem to the design put before the Select Committees of the Houses of Parliament a 'secret' plan with much reduced engineering (for example, smaller tunnels for tube-train sized rolling stock rather than the proposed 'mainline' sized carriages) has been prepared.

This 'value-managed' scheme is much more likely to be the one to be constructed.

Anyone fancy putting in an FOI request?