Inspire the least

Telegrammed by Ithuriel
The credit crunch may soon squeeze the rejoicing Samurai Warriors.

The IEP delivery dates quoted yesterday by Hoon are markedly different to the three phases and an option approach to procurement and funding being touted round the city by DfT.

Phase 1 could be for as little as an affordable 350 vehicles for the ECML !

Not a lot of work for a new IKEA-style assembly plant - sorry major manufacturing complex.

All aboard Hitachi's gravy train

Telegrammed by our Independent Expert
Either the media have succumbed entirely to the Hitachi PR machine or British journalists are even dumber than we think.

Yesterday, most BBC daytime news reports gave the impression that 12,000 jobs were being created in British factories to build the new "Super Express" trains, instead of what the unions reckon is a couple of thousand to build them in parts from kits.

Today Radio 4's You and Yours gave a big chunk of airtime to Times's correspondent Leo Lewis, who sang Hitachi's praises saying the new vehicles will run as fast and as comfortably as Japanese Shinkansen trains (Shome Shinkansen mishtake, shurely! Ed).

What's the betting Fleet Street's finest will soon be smacking their lips over all those geisha-filled freebies to Tokyo.

Mind you, it beats a fish and chip supper in Derby everytime.

UPDATE: A source close to the BBC advises...

You and Yours were not planning such a big chunk on IEP but had to extend when Anthony Worrall Thompson failed to show for his slot on bankrupt restaurants!

How the credit crunches, unless you're Japanese of course!

Breaking wind

Congratulation to M&C Saatchi for hoovering large sums of cash out of EMT for this:



Any readers able to make similar under-arm farting noises are also invited to pitch for the account.

Definitely a Marmite moment...

Hooray Henry mugs Souter

Shocking news from Waterloo.

Pictured below is the moment when a Brompton riding Rupert attempted to pick the pocket of multi-millionaire SWT boss Brian Souter!


Fortunately, the SWT PR team had issued Brian with a brand new, dayglo, carrier-bag just moments before!

Ford declares war!

Not seen today...


Branson, Bowker, Coucher, Lockhead, Ludeman, Shooter, Souter, et al; fancy putting a couple of quid in the pot to make this real?

Death by suit

Exciting news from men in suits!

Today the new, improved, Tory party unveiled its future plans for the railways.

Zzzzzzzz... Snore...

Ahem, sorry, Tory big ideas, yawn...

• A high speed line linking London, Birmingham, Manchester and Leeds.
• Creating a passenger champion.
• A reformed Network Rail.
• Better cooperation between track and train.
• Longer better franchises.
• Innovation in Rail Improvements.
• Ending Whitehall meddling.
• A moratorium on building on disused rail paths.

Ah, forget the details, view pretty pictures here.

Bring back Chris Grayling.

Brian Perren RIP

Telegrammed by Captain Deltic
It is with great sadness that we report the death of writer and author Brian Perren at the age of 80, following a short period in hospital.

Known fondly as the 'Gourmet Gricer' to his many friends Brian was a long term contributor to Modern Railways and his books included the invaluable TGV Handbook.

Brian had an infectious enthusiasm for life and the railways, and his presence enlivened many a worthy press trip.

Yet his irrepressible sense of fun concealed a professionalism in his research and a respect within the industry that was reflected in his writing.

In the issue of Modern Railways published before his death two articles by Brian typify his work - what is now, sadly, the last 'Service Aboard' column on the changing face of train catering and a definitive feature on TGV Duplex.

Brian's first published article appeared in the July 1954 issue of Trains Illustrated, the fore runner of Modern Railways.

Brian was in the process of completing a major article on Eurostar at the time he entered hospital.

Requiescat in pace et in amore

Disgraceful

Please ignore this link.

;-)

IEP in perspective

40 years ago this month...

Chief Engineer Terry Miller made the formal submission to the British Railways Board to develop the new 125 mile/h InterCity diesel train - offering a prototype with six coaches and two power cars ready to run 22 months after the funding was authorised.

And not a consultant in sight...

Department of the bleedin' obvious

No comment.

Just click, read and weep.


Next week: BOTTOMS! How to wipe safely.

Tory Rail Review

***Look out for the publication of the Tories' Rail Review tomorrow. Anticipate 'Motherhood and Apple Pie' for radical it's not!***

Crossing the line

Has Network Rail's success in managing the recent adverse weather gone to its head?

The Fact Compiler has received the following email from one of NR's PR monkeys:

It would be marvellous if you could highlight all the great coverage (that) Network Rail achieved in raising awareness of level crossing misuse this week...

Wait a minute!

As numerous headlines pointed out:

The number of cases of motorists taking dangerous and illegal risks at UK level crossings is at a four-year high.

So what has Network Rail been doing for the last four years to address this problem?

Ah, of course.

Sticking ads on the back of vans and, errr..., running locos into vehicles for the exclusive benefit of Clarkson and Top Gear!

Pay attention Network Rail.

If you want to see how to reduce level crossing abuse look across the pond to America and Canada.

Where is Network Rail's Operation Lifesaver equivalent?

Fingers out and website up - if you please!

UPDATE: A Network Rail spokesman writes...

Don't begrudge us for using every weapon in our armoury in countering level crossing misuse.

The Top Gear collision was an attempt to get the message across to petrolheads, we make no apology for that.

Of course, we want to make more headway on the misuse stat, but this is a young campaign.

It took decades for the drink driving message to cut through and make it socially unacceptable - we're here for the long term

So get a dedicated bloody website up and resource the campaign properly!

48 Hours

Telegrammed by the Archer
The IEP announcement will be delayed for 48 hours whilst Geoff Hoon tries to explain an Incredibly Embarrassing Predicament to Derby MPs.

'Nuff said!

UPDATE: From our man at 222 Marylebone Road...

IEP reported to be stuck in Downing Street while the Prime Minister tries to work out how to spin British jobs for Japanese workers as good news for the out of work tax-payers and fare-payers in the Midlands rolling stock supply chain.

One solution could be to bundle the IEP announcement with electrification commitments.

Winners are now expected to start envying the losers from Wednesday evening.

Lookalike Vll

This from a Mr Lazarus.

What a cultured lot you are....

Chinese puzzle

Is there no end to the appetite of Grand Central?

The ORR recently stated it was minded to grant the Open Access Operator a fourth path.

With just three HSTs Grand Central claimed it was looking to sign a deal with Angel to lease two class 180s.

But according to today's FT the company has also ordered three Chinese trains!

How can this be?

The Fact Compiler fears that that their "veteran" PR man has either gone gaga, or spent too much time listening to erstwhile MD, Ian Yeowart.

Answers on a postcard please, but only if you can spot the difference...

Special pleading

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
The preferred loser and the winning also ran in the bidding for the Incredibly Expensive Procurement (IEP) were due to be told their fates this evening.

While Hitachi may take away the Bento-box, it won't have much in it, thanks to death by a thousand phases in the attempt to match quantities to limited finance..

And wait for the Europeans, who are shut out of the Japanese rail market, to hit Gordon Brown with the jobs card.

Any advance on 1,200?

King's Cross catering scandal

Evidently there was a significant catering failure at King's Cross on Saturday.

Here vast numbers of people desperately search for a kettle.

Bowler tip to NR and the BTP for letting this happen at all!

NX thrashes Eye!

A huge upset following the publication of the UK.Railway Christmas Poll results!

NX won the coveted 'Railway Website of the Year' award with a resounding 22% of the vote, whipping Railway Eye into a very poor second place.

Massive interest in the category generated a huge response with almost 15 votes being cast (Is this going anywhere? Ed).

Roger Ford meanwhile set a new world record as as he was voted Railway Journalist of the Year for the 59th time in a row. But Captain Deltic may want to wait before putting the Diamond Jubilee champagne on ice, as new entrant Ian Walmsley "impressed enough to take second place".

Meanwhile Andy Hamilton and Wrexham & Shropshire scooped a total of three awards, winning best... (continued on p94)

The Fact Compiler declines to name the individual who won the title "Tit of the Year"

Lookalike Vll

Ave Noviomagus!

Railway Eye salutes Chichester District Council!

This courtesy of a Mr Murray...


For those without bionic eyes...

DVLA
The Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency is an Executive Agency of the Department for Transport (Daft)....

Chichester truly "Shaped by the past, living in the present".