DafT number krunching

Telegrammed by J Alfred Prufrock
Exciting news for the Competition Commission.

So DMUs 'r' Us are going to buy the 202 DMU vehicles and lease them onto the TOCs.

So when DafT sets the rentals the true scale of the rip-offs perpetrated the evil and rapacious Roscos will finally be exposed!

Simply subtract the monthly rental per vehicle charged by DMUs 'r' Us from that being charged by Porterbrook on its Class 172s.

Of course they will have to be be financially viable rentals because DafT intends to sell the contracts and leases on once the deal is in place.

And the money the taxpayer receives will be a function of the NPV of the rentals expressed as a return on the cost of DMUs 'r' Us.

Adjusted, naturally, for the Residual Value Risk on a number of DMUs with a book life of 30 years.

Who's paying for this?

Doomed

Recession.

This from RailwayPeople.com...

Birse Rail has won a contract from British Rail to keep an eye on closed branch lines, disused building and bridges.

The value of the contract is £275,000!

Words on Blacklists

Quite right too

Straitscoach

On top of EMT's announcement yesterday that it is shedding 162 jobs come other strange rumours.

The latest of which is that the SWT and EMT press offices are being combined.

Is this good news for joined up communications or a disaster waiting to happen.

We'll probably never know as the new, improved, press desk is bound to be hopelessly understaffed!

UPDATE: This from a delighted Straitscoach employee...

You might also be interested to hear that Souter has taken to personally perusing all SWT driver workings.

The last time he took such a keen personal interest you may recollect SWT ended up short of drivers for about two years.

No matter - passengers are free to write to their MPs!

The good news is that Brian won't see those who contributed to his profits thrown on the scrapheap!

Those "displaced" are invited to apply for jobs elsewhere in the Stagecoach empire.

Managers, catering staff and booking clerks now have the unrivalled opportunity to tackle exciting new career challenges, such as errr... cleaning buses in Kettering.

Of course, were the DfT to sit down and re-organise figures and franchise payments in exchange for employment protection we might not be in this mess.

But with the Treasury having to pay all those bankers' pensions there just isn't the money...

Bare faced eagle

This from a Mr Murray...

So farewell Fraser Eagle.

Off into administration you go.

Serves them right, I guess, for sponsoring Accrington Stanley (famous as the second football club ever to resign from the league in mid season)!

Passenger Focusballs

Telegrammed by our Independent Expert
The good folk from Passenger Focus conducting the National Passenger Survey were doing the business on Preston station this afternoon.

Among the questions was:

"What alternative method of transport would you have liked to use to get to Preston Station?"

One option offered by the interviewers was "By Underground Train"

Over to you Boris

Wolmar talks cr@p - Official

A little two much information from Mr Wolmar we feel!

This from today's Gruaniad letters page...

Of course toilet roll is environmentally unsustainable (Soft, strong and very wrong - America's multi-ply habit, 27 February) - even the recycled stuff.

Best not to use any at all.

Since visiting India three years ago, I have virtually dispensed with it entirely. A brief spray of high pressure water from a handy attachment and a quick dry off with a towel is far cleaner, healthier and more pleasant than a wipe which never actually cleans properly. And much more hygienic since the hand never comes into contact.

In fact, attaching such devices, now very common in India, should be mandatory on all new housing, with financial support from the water companies who will save millions in filtration costs.

The next environmental trend after recycling?

Christian Wolmar
London

Cue weak jokes about not poo pooing the suggestion.

Forster to go?

***Reports in blogland that Alison Forster is leaving First Group***

Austerity bites at DfT!

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
Monday evening's soiree for the ROSCOs at Marsham Street suggests that the Mrs Merton question applies in politics.

"What exactly attracted you to a bunch of profiteers with tens of millions to invest in new trains, Mr Hoon?"

However the rapprochement can only go so far.

Despite the meeting being called for 17.00, tea and biscuits were not provided.

GBRf moves passengers to Europe?

***ORR proposes to grant GBRf a European passenger licence***

Champagne Socialist?

Has former rail minister Tom Harris joined William Hague on the lucrative after dinner speaking circuit?

Judging by the ads now appearing on his blog he's definitely raking it in!

Caviar, truffles and foie gras delivered to your door....


Foie gras! For God's sake don't tell Kerry McCarthy!

180! But how many times?

Whilst WSMR is reducing services Grand Central is leasing more rolling stock!

A release reaches Eye from their spin-meister claiming they have signed a lease with Angel for two class 180s (no unit numbers given).

Oh, and it included a pretty photo-shopped picture...


So exactly how many 180s are there out there - as everyone (Hull, Northern, NXEC and now GC) claims to have them!

Robber Beardie raids Carlisle (again)

Beardie Rail is building on its unenviable reputation for shafting the good citizens of Carlisle.

Having been caught out last week for offering non-existent fares to Europe the greedy operator has now decided that passengers won't be able to buy cheap tickets from the station!

This from the News and Star...

The booking office at Carlisle railway station will be closed until Thursday of next week, leaving passengers unable to buy cheap ‘Advance’ tickets.

Virgin Trains spokesman Ken Gibbs said: “It’s not an ideal situation but we have publicised it and there really is no alternative.”

Not ideal - it's scandalous!

Where is Passenger Focus when you need it?

UPDATE: Passenger Focus understood to be feeling Beardie's collar...

LU confirms COO

***Howard Collins confirmed in post as London Underground Chief Operating Officer***

UPDATE: Boris Watch was unclear what this meant - so The Fact Compiler has posted a clarification...

And then there were three...

Shock news from Wrexham & Shropshire!

This from the BBC...

A train company running a direct link between Wrexham and London is cutting the number of week day services from five to three.

Less than a year after its service was launched, Wrexham and Shropshire blamed the recession and said the decision reflected customer travel patterns.

DB Schenker must be feeling the chill wind of recession...

UPDATE: An 'Anonymous' reader advises....

Reinvent immediately as 'Ryanair of the Rails'.

Slash fares, axe fripperies!

Charge for use of the lavatory? Ed

Yes, charge for toilets, suitcases and pets! Anon

Fuzzy pop

Let's raise a glass to the brave Boys in Blue!

This from the Daily Mail...

"Police chiefs were condemned last night after a £200,000 investigation was launched into two officers who shared five bottles of Vimto they found by a railway line."

The Eye commends their bravery...

Having seen what people put in bottles and then discard about the railway.

Roscos in from the cold!

The Fact Compiler noticed that the red carpet had been rolled out at Marsham Street today.

Surely nothing to do with the visit of three shadowy figures who were seen entering DfT Towers but moments later.

Once the coats, hats and false beards had been removed who did we spy but the three Rosco MDs - taking tea as honoured guests of My Lord Adonis & Secretary of State Geoff Hoon!

Eye presumes that this has nothing do with funding the IEP... or Thameslink fleet... or London Midland vehicles... or Tramtrains...

More likely a Best Practice Club!

After all, raising capital for new trains is a doddle - isn't it?

MacCranks embrace ITSO

Exciting news from Scottish heritage railways

Transport Scotland is planning to introduce an integrated ticketing system based on smart card technology.

Quick off the mark, the Heritage Railway Association's Scottish Committee is lobbying hard to be part of the scheme from day one.

Alas, south of the border, the luddites still rule.

Despite a trial with Season Ticket holders on the Windsor-Staines route, SWT "is still in discussion with the Department for Transport to finalise timescales for (Oyster) rollout to other lines on the network".

A mere five and a half years after the cards were first introduced.

Awaiting the call

Telegrammed by our Independent Expert
'Weak and ineffective'.

That's how the report by Price Waterhouse Coopers, leaked to the Gruaniad this morning, describes the non-executive board members of Network Rail.

Perhaps time, therefore, that NR reappraised the selection process for its Public Members, and ended the process of repudiating applications from knowledgeable Railway Eyers, such as the Independent Expert and Captain Deltic.


If called upon we're happy to serve...

UPDATE: This from the Pink 'Un today (Tuesday 3rd March)...

Decision-making could be more effective if the number of members were reduced to about 30, if some were paid to improve attendance and if more secretarial and analytical support were provided, to help members to follow the company’s performance in more detail.

Well if there's cash in it we're even more interested!

Non-runner

Looks like Arriva Cross Country has given up trying to appeal to female passengers.

The lame franchise has signed up the face of Channel 4 Racing, and super-misogynist, John McCririck to front a campaign for rail travel to Cheltenham Races.


McCririck earned the ire of the sisterhood by accusing Germaine Greer of "encouraging women to be above themselves".

He also managed to get himself thrown off Alan Titchmarsh's TV show for describing fellow guest Ingrid Tarrant as a "ghastly woman", whose estranged husband Chris cheated on her because she was no good in bed.

Mind you it's good news for McCririck, whose appearences on Channel 4 last year were reduced by 25% at the behest of TV bosses.

In the immortal words of McCririck: "Toerags behave yourself".