Lookalike X

Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel

The Parry People Mover goes from strength to shambles.

Regular Eye readers may recollect that the class 153 linking Stourbridge Jct and Town ceased operating last December to allow the introduction of the Pans People Mover.

Owing to technical difficulties (Dee-dee feeling unwell) the rail service had to be bustituted.

Alas!

Despite further Peter Pan Mover trials last week it appears that class 153s are to return to the branch!

The following words of wisdom have been issued jointly by London Midland and subcontractor PPM operator Pre Metro Operations Ltd.

London Midland is re-introducing a train service to the Stourbridge Junction to Stourbridge Town branch from Sunday (March 15) in response to our passengers’ wishes. We have responded by bringing back the Class 153 diesel service whilst assisting the phasing-in of a new type of lightweight railcar in the coming weeks.

Lightweight sounds generous, try flyweight.

Undeterred the Purple People Eaters continue, at some length:

The Class 139 lightweight railcar type is highly innovative and as such its introduction is the first of its kind on the UK railway network, and innovations can take time to develop and implement. The first of the two new vehicles is at the depot at StourbridgeTown branch and is awaiting approval for passenger operation. However, London Midland is keen to offer an improved level of service to passengers as soon as possible and the bus replacements were only ever designed to be a short term measure.

We believe it is time to stop them and bring train operations back because of strong public feedback in favour of the rail service. In full agreement with all concerned, we have decided to run the diesel Class 153s as previously, and to phase in the lightweight Class 139s as soon as possible.

In short it looks like Network Rail is still unwilling to grant the Parry People Mover permission to operate.

Can it be long before Pinky and Perky Machines paraphrase the great Groucho and admit they "would not join any club that would accept them as a member"?

Angel for sale - again?

As Gordon seems happy to throw cash at bust banks perhaps its time to invest in something that actually retains residual value.

Perhaps a Rosco?

Not HSBC Rail of course, which has been on sale since God was a boy.

But Angel, whose owners Babcock and Brown are fast approaching the financial equivalent of the U bend.

If 'Angle' were to be taken "state-side" then at least Marsham Street would get some professional help setting up 'Diesels 'r' Us'.

Unlikely of course, as DafT is already packed with experts.

The same ones who presided over the glorious victory at the Competition Commission.

PS With thanks to Tree Bridge Watcher and The Master who spotted the previous deliberate mishtake...

Railway Eye quiz

Two industry titles are offering new subscribers a Free Mystery Gift Worth up to £30!

Eye readers are invited to guess the following:

Subscribing to which Rail title earns you a bottle of Hugo Boss aftershave?

And which Steam Railway magazine rewards new subscribers with an album from The Pussycat Dolls?

Answers on a postcard please to Brauer Media.

Eye readers of course get their vitriol for free.

It was the Sun that lost it

More good news from ATOC's thrusting new team.

Murdoch's Sun has usually proven a good friend to the railway.

Previous promotions with the Currant Bun have generated conversion rates of 150,000 to 200,000 transactions.

Alas.

According to exasperated sources ATOC's latest 2FOR1 offer resulted in a mere 10,000 punters taking up the offer.

As this is much less than 10% of what was achieved in the past how have Roberts' Bright Eyed Boys justified the debacle?

Severe weather conditions affected rail services and dominated the news.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, cash strapped owner groups are looking to renegotiate their annual membership fees.

Barbarian at the Gates?

Whilst ATOC self immolates finally some good news from the Brothers!

Regular readers of the Eye will be aware that ATOC has been unable to update their enthusiast guidelines owing to anyone who knows anything about the railway industry being defenestrated by Michael Roberts' new team.

However, in an unlikely turn of events, it falls to the Transport Salaried Staff Association to come to the rescue of hard pressed gricers!

Rail union TSSA are to challenge the ruling by National Express to ban train-spotters from their stations on the East Coast line.

Union general secretary Gerry Doherty, said, "Sir John Betjeman will be turning in his grave at this news. It means that the barbarians have finally taken over the industry. Only people with no sense of history would commit such an act of mindless vandalism."

The Fact Compiler feels that the term "barbarians" may be a little harsh.

Better Bowker's own words - "A villain forever more".

Virgin screwed

***Beardie Rail confirms falling passenger revenue***

UPDATE: This from Pendolino Warrior...

They may be screwed but they have finally got Internet Access working...

So now I can read how they are screwed!

Falling passenger numbers?

Tell me about it - under 10 in a 1st class quiet coach on the 07:30 from New Street to Euston last Friday.

Sshhh! It's a quiet coach - for a reason!

Vote Liberal...

***This isn't quite the way Grayfriar's Bobby ended.***
 

Open access lessons from Japan

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
There is nothing like free trade.

A tip of the bowler to Derby North MP Bob Laxton for eliciting this gem in a written answer from DafT.

UK and European rail industry suppliers are able to bid for railway rolling stock tenders in Japan, although the European Commission estimates that around 98 per cent. of procurements are not competitively tendered.

And this is nothing like free trade!

Coucher raises a cheer for Scotland

It's amazing what 30, sixteen stone, men with odd shaped balls can achieve.

Despite next weekend's planned ECML blockade NR has agreed to introduce Single Line Working to allow a couple of trains to link the two nations!

Hurrah for the rugger-buggers, who appear to have broken NR's risk averse culture; something railway operators have singularly failed to do post privatisation.

There is of course no truth to the rumour that Iain only approved SLW so that a big Scots crowd can see England's ritual humiliation at Twickers.

First out!

***FirstGroup to exit the FTSE 100***

Crossrail Programme Partner announced

***Crossrail has selected Transcend as Programme Partner***

The announcement on which bidder has won the Delivery Partner role (Central London tunnelled section) is believed to have been delayed by several weeks.

Brady bunchballs

The Eye has received a number of furious emails about the latest press release to emerge from the Associated Train Crew Union.

ACTU circulated the following to the media yesterday:

ATCU argues that terrorists do not require the use of explosives to disrupt the mainline rail system, all that is required is the purchasing of a standard rail ticket.

The release then goes on to explain precisely how any malcontent could gain access to a cab.

Shaun Brady the acting general secretary said “terrorists are continually looking at ways of creating as much disruption and mayhem and it is our considered opinion that, before long, they may see the mainline railway system as a prime target”.

If they didn't they do now!

UPDATE: This from an 'Anonymous' reader...

I read the ACTU press release on their website.

It’s interesting to note that scrolling all the way down the release leads you to the next one, dated March 6 and entitled “Companies Exploiting Climate of Fear”.

Pot, kettle, black maybe?

National Excrete

***Oh Dear!***

Clark rewrites history

Telegrammed by Ithuriel

According to the Greek God's mini-me in the House of Commons, Paul Clark:

"Some hon. Members referred to times gone by. Thirty years ago, the railway was being written off as an expensive, outdated and declining mode of transport."

Not by Sir Peter Parker and Sir Bob Reid it wasn't!

And at that time brand new Intercity 125s were being extended to the East Coast Main Line having given the Western Region the fastest trains in Europe and second only in the world high speed league table to the Japanese bullet trains.

In fact eximious railway historian Dr Terry Gourvish considers this period a Golden Age, when Bob Reid's business led railway was in the making.

The so-called Clark went on to say:

"Some hon. Members claimed that the railways had improved because of privatisation. I well remember in 1997 that the railway lines in my neck of the woods suffered from gross under-investment, were unreliable and had rolling stock from the 1960s and 1970s. [Interruption] That is not nonsense."

So nationalised railway bad, privatised railway bad.

Good grief, we're back to the 'Third Way'!

UPDATE: This from BR PR legend Alan Marshall...

"30 years ago BR was perceived by virtually every railway overseas as one of the best in the world, and operating with the least amount of government subsidy!"

"Where on earth is the rest of the railway industry in rubbishing this sort of comment?"

Presumably busy trying not to bite the hand that feeds it.

HS2 Endorsed - licence revoked?

So how many endorsements does this need before it takes effect?

This from DafT...

Plans for one of the country's most crucial transport projects to date, High Speed 2, were officially endorsed by the Department for Transport today (Tuesday 10 March).

Talk is cheap.

The Lion roars!

Enough!


Please close the door behind you on your way out.

Dunn chugging?

It appears that the railway industry is not immune from the Chuggers!

This from Pip Dunn of Railway's Illustrated fame.

Pip writes....

Fancy sticking this on the Railway Eye to see if the lovely people in the railway industry fancy dipping into their pockets to help a worthy cause.

We already have donations from First GB Railfreight, DB Schenker, Network Rail, Riviera Trains, Electric Traction, The Railway Magazine, but more are welcomed...

As some of you may know our daughter Harriet was born moderately deaf and over the last year, the National Deaf Children's Society has been invaluable to us

On 5th July the NDCS is having its annual Big Walk Forward in London. It's a 10 mile walk taking in all the best sights and landmarks the capital has to offer, and my wife, Vicky, (along with Harriet's grandma and godparents) are taking part. Any money we raise goes directly to the PDDCS (Peterborough and District Deaf Childrens Society) of which Harriet is a proud member and has been so crucial to us and other families over the last year and will continue to be as time goes on.

You can sponsor Vicky and co on this walk. Donating through Justgiving website is quick, easy and totally secure. It’s also the most efficient way to sponsor them: The National Deaf Children's Society gets your money faster and, if you’re a UK taxpayer, Justgiving makes sure 25% in Gift Aid, plus a 3% supplement, are added to your donation.

So I'd like to ask if you would please sponsor them now!

To make a donation, no matter how small, visit www.justgiving.com/vickysd

Many thanks from Harriet, Pip, Vic and all the children from the PDDCS.

Just fancy that 2

Hurrah for Parliamentary Privilege.

This from yesterday's House of Commons railway debate:

Graham Stringer (Manchester, Blackley) (Lab):
When Network Rail closes a line for improvements or because something has gone wrong, it puts on buses, and calls that — it is a dreadful word — “bustitution”.

Twelve of the 13 major rail franchises that bus companies run effectively use themselves as agents.

Arriva uses Arriva; National Express uses National Express; FirstGroup uses FirstGroup; Stagecoach uses Stagecoach and so on.

That means that anyone bidding does not get the bus service operator grant because it goes to the agent of the main company. There is very little control over the costs.

I have talked to representatives of bus operating companies that have been put out of business because they do not believe that they can compete with bodies that effectively award the contracts to themselves.

They are told that it is a matter of quality as well as price, but when one talks to the bus drivers, one finds that the agents pay two and three times what the competitors would pay.

There is a cost to Network Rail and there is, therefore, a cost to the public purse.

I have talked to several bus operators. One — Fraser Eagle — was recently put into administration. It believes that that has happened because of those unfair, if not corrupt practices by train operating companies that also run the buses

Here endeth Parliamentary Privilege...

Well just fancy that!

This gem from yesterday's House of Commons debate on Railways.

Daniel Kawczynski (Shrewsbury and Atcham) (Con):
I called Mr. Bob Holland, the then chief executive of Arriva, and kept complaining about the situation so much that he finally agreed to accompany me on an Arriva service between Shrewsbury and Wolverhampton.

Lo and behold, all of a sudden, when the chief executive appeared, the train arrived on time for the first time ever.

We had extra carriages and, amazingly, they served tea and coffee and sold cakes, which was an experience that I had never come across before. The whole service was extremely smooth.

It took me back to the days when I visited communist Romania and everything was prepared specially for President Ceausescu, to give him a false perspective on reality.

Eye readers may be interested to know that Spinning Bob avoided dear old Nikolae's grisly end and is currently Arriva's Managing Director UK Rail.