Police poster campaign

Telegrammed by Lord Peter Whimsy



Make your own here...

Namealike #2

More angry letters in the latest issue of Rail over the IEP award to Hitachi.

One reader, a Dr M J Provost who writes from Nottingham, makes the following point...

"...before the matter can be laid to rest I feel that the whole issue will need to be fully addressed so we know the reason why Bombardier didn't deserve the contract."

A very fair point Dr Provost.

And the Eye agrees that the Secretary of State should answer your question immediately!

However, Rail only gives your address as Nottingham, and it's a big place.

Would it be okay if Mr Hoon sent his answer care of your namesake, at Litchurch Lane, Derby?

Adonis on the cushions!

This from The Times...

No red signal when minister plays with train set

All aboard the Adonis Express. Frustrated commuters will get direct access to the Transport Minister next week when Lord Adonis embarks upon a railway voyage to criss-cross Britain in six days.

The Minister will board the Paddington to Truro sleeper service on Easter Monday, just one man, his laptop and a £375 standard class Rail Rover ticket. On Saturday he will arrive in York after a 1,500-mile Michael Palin-style trip, involving 45 trains and extensive knowledge of the timetable.

Sources within Marsham Street have described scenes of terror as Mandarins realised that Adonis was serious about seeing what the real railway is like.

***The Eye is offering £5 for the best picture of Adonis hiding in First as overcrowded Standard class passengers seek to give him a full, frank and unexpurgated view of government transport policy!***

UPDATE: This from John B...

Your £5 offer would imply a member of the public having the slightest idea who Andrew Adonis is, and what he looks like - I'd happily place a counter-bet that 0 out of 100 people would be able to identify him or his job given a photo...

What a naughty tease you are John! How can The Fact Compiler resist?

As a service to the industry and purely for recognition purposes here is a picture of Lord Adonis on a previous holiday...

In place of strife?

Has Bob Crow had a Damascene conversion?

This just in from the RMT...

“We are available for talks to sort this problem out, but blatantly bullying management is not acceptable,” Bob Crow said.

HR directors across the industry were too shocked to comment.

What's in a name?

This from the latest 'Rail Users Express', edited by Tony Smale...

"The North Devon Rail Users’ Group is to change its name to the Tarka Rail Association, principally to reflect the fact that it represents the whole of the Exeter-Barnstaple line and not just the northern part. The committee also reports problems that have resulted from internet filters latching on to the DRUG element of NDRUG!"

In a previous issue Tony reported that a group with the words “Travellers’ Association” in its title was contacted by a tabloid grubbing for dirt about caravan dwellers!

OFFICIAL: DafT can no longer be trusted

Telegrammed by Ithuriel
When it comes to re-writing the past, DafT makes the Great Soviet Encyclopaedia look like the King James Bible for timeless consistency.

On the DafT web site, the April 2009 press release announcing that NXEA has signed up to acquire new and cascaded train is described thus:

East Anglian Rail Service improvements - Correction
CORRECTED VERSION
2 April 2009 15:10

Corrected? It has been massively re-written and respun.

The original opening line read:

"Jobs will be safeguarded at Derby based train builder, Bombardier Transportation UK Ltd, thanks to a new agreement between the Department for Transport and National Express East Anglia, (NXEA.), Transport Secretary, Geoff Hoon, announced today."

In the 'corrected' version it reads

"Jobs will be created or safeguarded and rail travel in East Anglia will be improved thanks to a new agreement between the Department for Transport and National Express East Anglia (NXEA), Transport Secretary Geoff Hoon announced today."

And after the first two paragraphs there follows 400 words of brand new purple prose.

Among the many deletions was the reference to the new vehicles being owned by 'Lloyds TSB General Leasing (No.8) Limited, a subsidiary of Lloyds TSB Bank'. (Fortunately Hansard is not so easy to rewrite. Ed)

The message is clear - you can't believe a word DafT or its ministers say.

Semana Santa

This from the Talyllyn Railway...

Stations of the Cross
In collaboration with Tywyn Churches Together, the Talyllyn Railway will be running a special on Good Friday, April 10th.

The event will combine a round trip with the “Stations of the Cross”, a traditional Lenten devotion.

The train departs Tywyn Wharf Station at 4.45pm

Further information is available from Wharf Station (01654 710472)

Lookalike XV

Lookalike XlV

UPDATE: This from a concerned reader...

Dear Fact Compiler

You're worrying yourself about the trees of whom Rupert Brennan Brown, the veteran rail industry observer, resembles and missing the wood - he's smoking in a railway carriage.

Was this picture taken after smoking was banned on the railways?

If so, when can we expect to hear of his banning from National Express East Coast or whichever Toc it was whose rules the irreverent spin-merchant was choosing to flout?

Yours in the interest of public order,

Robert Wright,
Transport Correspondent
Financial Times

As the Eye understands that BB advises a competitor to NXEC we had assumed such a ban was already in place...

Lookalike Xlll

Lookalike Xll

Lookalike Xl

A muesli muncher writes...

This just in from a frustrated reader...

The Fact Compiler is quite right to have a go at the Lib Dems and their whining about Britain's (actually rather good) railways.

But at least one can simply ignore their press releases.

The Tories are far worse.

Barely a day goes by without a Jeremiad from Theresa Villiers about some cooked-up railway scandal, often based on utterly misleading newspaper stories.

It obscures their two half-decent points - that the government is micro-managing the railways and Network Rail needs better governance. It also makes them look like they want more micro-management, not less.

Now it's also dragging in the government - I saw the DfT put out a pointless press release today on a £2.5m study which will examine whether to redouble the Swindon-Gloucester route.

All this hysteria creates the deceptive impression that the railways are still the shambles they were five years ago.

It also prevents sensible debate about real issues such as safety standards, capacity, the proportion of farebox and freight customer revenue funding for the railway versus the proportion of government support and many others.

All that said, there's nothing wrong with eating muesli. I have it for breakfast every day.

Norman wisdom...

Are the LibDem's Transport Team clutching at straws?

The muesli munchers have been bombarding anyone foolish enough to give them an email address with a growing number of loopy press releases screeching about how utterly piss-poor the railways are.

In their latest effort the flip-flop wearers moan about the number of unstaffed stations on the network.

While train companies are announcing staffing cuts across the network, the Liberal Democrats have released new research showing that one third of stations are totally unstaffed.

No shit, Sherlock!

Perhaps when the LibDem's take power (the week after hell freezes over) stations like Loch Eil Outward Bound and Coombe Junction will be staffed for the very first time! Ensuring unparalleled levels of customer service for the one man and his dog who actually use these wayside halts.

So come on Norman Baker - without demonstrating the economics of the madhouse, what is your solution?

Meanwhile this sort of PR poppycock masquerading as 'news' is just plain silly. Please stop it now.

Yet more fiscal imprecision

Telegrammed by J Arthur Prufrock

DfT says the 120 Electrostar vehicles will cost £160 million.
 
BREL, sorry, Bombardier tells the local press it is £155 million.
 
The Canucks who own Litchurch Lane say it's £180 million including maintenance.
 
Any better offers from the putative owners, the inspiringly  named  Lloyds TSB General Leasing (No.8) Limited?
 
(PS I am not a number, I'm a free ROSCO)

Bonus ball

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
According to the Daily Telegraph, the Rugby Football Union has agreed a deal that should ease the rail chaos at Twickenham during the Six Nations Championship.

Network Rail has now pledged to suspend disruptive work when England are playing at home in the Six Nations.

That would never have happened if Network Rail had not attracted the best international management talent with its modest bonus system.

Boris snow storms out

***BBC reports Mayor flounces out of the TSC***

Bombardier - braking news...

Telegrammed by Ithuriel
Good to see Bombardier is acknowledging its quality problems.

According to their latest press release on today's NXEA Electrostar order:

"The units will also feature the renowned and sophisticated BOMBARDIER MITRAC propulsion and controls system to recover and feed back energy while breaking".

Presumably that anticipates the underfloor mounted equipment-cases falling off as braking forces over-stress the faulty welds on their support beams.

Money for old rope...

This from an irate reader!

I received the following invitation to an event called "Railway Improvement: Rail services for the modern commuter".

"Rail travel has never been under the public spotlight as it is today," the blurb says.

But that's just not true.

It was more under the public spotlight after Hatfield, or when Railtrack collapsed.

It's much less under the spotlight now than then.

This is just nonsense verbiage, written without the slightest reference to the facts.

I also note Wolmar is a speaker, no doubt explaining how train lavatories should ditch paper and use his patent water-squirting device...

The Fact Compiler may attend just to hear this!

Network Rail bonus saga

***Coucher launches offensive in FT***