Pointless signs - North American edition

Seen on a wagon in the up yard at Cheyenne...


Indeed!

Daily sex Tube map

Telegrammed by Charles Yerkes
So the Thames has vanished from TfL's new Tube map.

Yadder yadder.

The rot set in when they failed to restrict 081 to South of the river.

You want to see a Tube map?

Try the inclusive Dyslexic's guide to the Underground.

2009 Railway Garden Competition #XXVII - ENTRY DISQUALIFIED

This just in from Dyspozytor...

I greatly applaud your initiative to encourage the development of green corridors along England's railways.

The propagation of your idea by means of a 'Railway Garden Competition' is stunning in its simplicity.

The fronds of buddleia that I see adorning the previously dull brick built bridges and viaducts whenever I visit the UK shows the extent to which the management of Network Rail are giving your 'bottom up' initiative their wholehearted support.

However, it is only fair to point out that Network Rail's efforts are still at the nursery garden stage compared to the achievements of my colleagues on Poland's railways.

I enclose a picture I took earlier today of a Prussian goods van at Kalisz station.


I trust that you will be able to use this picture to encourage Network Rail's gardeners to even greater efforts.

Alas foreign railways are not currently able to enter the Railway Garden Competition. Although Eye understand that this is to be addressed as part of the EU's Fourth European Railway Package...

Credit where credit's due

This just in from Driver Potter...

Perchance GNER is not dead, it does but slumber.

Potter, having attended his brothers wedding in Newcastle this last weekend, travelled to Kings Cross on the 15:50 Up service (1A53?) on Sunday.

I was astonished. If you believe the wibbling anoraks masses, NXEC have all but abandoned customer service. Potter begs to differ. The staff were nothing short of exemplary; prompt, courteous and all questions answered quickly with a smile.

I once mourned the loss of GNER - the blue and red, "Route of the Flying Scotsman", named locomotives and staff with pride. Now I see that perhaps I was wrong to worry.

All NXEC have done is change the livery and the uniforms; the pride remains unchanged. And even not knowing what the future brings has not dented the professionalism on the East Coast.

FC, would you be good enough to post this on your rather fine site? We hear enough wibble about poor customer service. Fine efforts should not go unsung; especially from staff who face an uncertain few months ahead.

DafT phones a friend

This from the Railway Gazette...

Rotherham tram-train replaces Penistone scheme

Now there's a surprise!

Penistone too difficult so DafT changes the question.

Will the dysfunctional Department ever see a rolling stock procurement exercise through to a successful conclusion?

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong...

Look on the positive side.

At least Sheffield to Huddersfield passengers won't have to stand cross-legged on a train with less seats and no loo (cf the current pacers).

UPDATE: This from Sir Humphrey Beeching...

The Fact Compiler is losing his touch!

Has he not noticed the following paragraph at the end of the Department's press release:

The project partners are still planning to test tram-trains on the Penistone Line between Sheffield and Huddersfield via Barnsley at a later date after work concluded that, electrically-powered tram-trains are more economically viable for use in the UK than the diesel equivalent which was being proposed for trial on the Penistone line

Interesting.

Electrically powered tram-trains.

And yet the freight line upon which these are now supposed to run is not electrified.

And as the spec' for the tram-trains appears to have changed does not this mean the procurement process will have to be rerun?

Either way it would have been cheaper to cancel the entire project.

Unless, of course, you have the mindset of an 'insurgent'...

Scorched earth policy revealed

Lord Mandelson suggests this government should have the mindset of "insurgents" rather than "incumbents".

So what Improvised Economic Disasters will Mandy and Brown leave behind for an incoming administration?

This from Spycatcher...

Travelling in a cab with a Treasury wonk recently, I congratulated her on getting the Crossrail Act passed.

It was easy, she said, to take the short-term political credit for getting it onto the statute book, as the inevitable cost overruns on the £16bn project would land on the desk of the next government.

“Just like they did to us with the Dome” she added.

Charming!

2009 Railway Garden Competition #XXVI

This from Shiny Shoes...

Derby and Crewe - always great rivals.


Hanging gardens no exception!

Happy anniversary

A day to gladden the hearts of all railwaymen!

On this day in 1830, at the opening of the Liverpool and Manchester Railway, William Huskisson MP interfered with the operation of the railway and paid for his audacity with his life.

Sadly it's been a bit one sided in the wrong direction since then.

Speculate to accumulate

Good news from Landor!

An invitation to an event called 'Getting Best Value from Transport Projects' thuds into the inbox.

As the blurb sagely points out:

The economic downturn will result in a reduction in the total amount of money available for the delivery of public sector services. This will impact on the structure and delivery of transport service.

Indeed.

And what better way to get best value for the cash strapped taxpayer than by spending £295 to attend a conference...

Network Rail explores new Midlands freight route

Much excitement this week along the abandoned section of the former Midland route from Derby to Manchester.

Chaps with theodolites and other ephemera are to be seen examining the old formation between Matlock and Blackwall Mill.

After several unsuccessful attempts to create a business case for reopening the line to passenger traffic (the last by Derbyshire County Council in 2004) it is now Network Rail's turn to have a go.

The new study, undertaken by Laser Rail, will examine whether the route might be suitable for a new W12 gauge freight line; relieving pressure on the overcrowded West Coast Main Line without forcing traffic onto the increasingly busy ECML.

Presumably the quarries at the Buxton end would also welcome a direct route to markets in the South.

Of course this is not such good news for Peak Rail, who are now finding it difficult to get their long promised access to Matlock's currently abandoned platform 2...

UPDATE: This from a Mr Selwood...

Shome mishtake shurely!

Ephemera: something transitory or of no lasting significance

Presumably you mean impedimenta?

The Fact Compiler stands corrected, unless of course this study goes the way of all the rest and is of no lasting significance...

RMT opinion poll shocker

According to an ICM poll for the RMT, 70% of the population want to see a return to state control of the railways.

General secretary Bob Crow said: "This poll shows that the Government are miles out of step with voters."

Bob went on to observe that the Bishop of Rome is Catholic and that bears have been known to relieve themselves in woods.

No shit sherlock.

UPDATE: This from a Mr Saltaire...

Interesting that on the same day the New Zealand Transport Minister is begging someone to take their railway off their hands.

Sadiq says...

Via Twitter...

Parents relieved schools back as children now out of hair...

Presumably bald children will be mandatory under the Governments new Parent Licensing regulations.

Brown bounces back

This from the Gruaniad...

Mike Brown, chief operating officer at Heathrow, will return to LU as managing director a year after he quit as chief operating officer of the organisation to join airports operator BAA, which owns Heathrow.

As one old LU hand put it "better the monster we know..."

Lookalike XXVI

Ray O'Toole Speaks!

INTERNAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

11 September 2009

APPROACH TO NATIONAL EXPRESS BY CONSORTIUM

I promised that I would let you know as soon as we had any more information to share regarding the latest approach we received from the CVC/Cosmen family Consortium.

As you know, last week we received an approach in connection with a possible cash offer of £5.00 per share, which values National Express at £765 million. Please note this is not yet a formal bid.

As a Board, we have been evaluating the potential offer carefully and also speaking with our major shareholders and advisers. Today we have announced to the City that we have agreed to allow the Consortium to progress to the next stage of the process based on the £5 per share indicative offer.

The next stage is known as "due diligence" which is a very structured process that involves the Consortium examining our business and finances in some detail.

The process will take four weeks after which the Consortium will either go ahead with a formal offer of £5.00 per share or walk away.

Its important to note that, under the rules of the Takeover Panel, the Consortium will not be allowed to reduce their offer below £5.00 or increase it above £5.00 as a result of the due diligence work they are about to undertake. Their only options are to make a formal offer at
£5.00 or to walk away.

It is by no means certain that the Consortium will submit a formal offer at the end of the due diligence process. If a formal offer is submitted, the Board will decide on its final recommendation. If a formal offer is not received, the Board plans to continue its independent strategy and to execute our own equity finance plans.

I also want to stress that while the due diligence process is underway we will still be continuing with our plans to prepare to raise equity independently. All of our existing plans, for example East Coast or the move to the new Birmingham Coach station, will all continue unchanged.

I realise it is very easy to be distracted by these ongoing developments as we proceed along the twin track approach of the Consortium's due diligence process, and our own equity financing plans.

However whatever the future direction we take is, it important to remember that we have customers to serve, people to look after and a business to run.

In either scenario it is vitally important that we deliver our year-end performance so please continue with the great work you have been doing so far.

Ray O'Toole - Chief Operating Officer
National Express Group

Network Rail Public Members jolly

*** Tunnel Vision's take on NR's awayday for Public Members***

2009 Railway Garden Competition #XXV

This just in from Chionanthus virginicus...

Last year Eye brought us pictures of a tree on a bridge at Ambergate, resolutely withstanding any lumberjacks who may be patrolling the MML.

As the 2009 season of mists & mellow fruitfulness draws nigh, I popped up to see how the "garden" is getting on.

As you can see, the tree has had a little light "trackside" pruning - nothing too severe.

A team of strolling strimmers & trimmers have carried out more vigorous work on the adjacent bridge (carrying the Matlock branch) revealing more of the structure, but growth on the mainline bridge is doing well, with several silver birch saplings establishing themselves in the parapet wall beyond.

Perhaps Network Rail are leaving them there so they can act as carbon neutral stanchions when the MML is electrified?

For the sake of the kiddies

Good news from this increasingly authoritarian government.

Virtually anyone who comes within 10 yards of a child must now be vetted by the state.

Hopefully this will prevent the sort of disgusting abuse pictured below.

Just because you think you're innocent doesn't mean you're not guilty.

Herr Souter or Hirsute-er?

Looks like the credit crunch is starting to bite at Stagecoach.


Poor Brian Souter is not just re-using carrier bags; now he's stopped using razor blades as well.

Or could it be a case of "beard today, gone tomorrow?"

UPDATE: This from an RSSB reader...

Quick word of thanks for your blog, it certainly livens up the day here.

A friend in ‘beleaguered’ TOC, NXEC, sent me this from the Gruaniad which Eye picked up from the Suffolk Evening Star.

Perhaps the red shoe wearing hairy one is actually a Hirsute-Heir...

Pointless signs #12

This from Sim Harris...

Am I too late to add this Pointless Sign from Luton to your excellent collection?

For those who might be wondering, there never was a second platform in the direction indicated.

This sign was made like this and installed like this, and it's been there for years.

Being in Luton is such a rollercoaster ride of fun and frolics that nobody seems to have noticed.