Witch report on fares disowned by Doe!

This just in from fares expert Barry Doe, following the 'Which?' report on fares today...

I understand 'Which?' has just produced another report on rail fares.

This one seems to have come to some dubious conclusions.

'Which?' never says who the consultants are but there has always been a general assumption in the industry that I have been the author!

I have indeed produced all the past reports on rail fares for 'Which?' but can tell everyone that on this occasion I was not involved in any way.

Meanwhile, according to The Blah Witch Project...

Rail firms must "stop taking passengers for a ride" by charging first class fares on trains without first class carriages, Which? magazine has said.

Eye readers are invited to draw their own conclusions.

Caveat emptor - you have been warned!

UPDATE: This from @SWLines, via Twitter...

To be honest half the findings that they came to is crop.

Luton Airport - Wimbo much faster via EMT & SWT!

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

This from the Ministry of Silly Walks...

Operational Note - HSE prosecutes Health Protection Agency

The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) is prosecuting the Health Protection Agency (HPA) following an incident in October 2007 at its Centre for Infections in Colindale, where an amount of E.coli O157 was spilt onto the floor of the site waste discard facility as it was being disposed of.

The next court date is set for Friday 28 May at 10.00am at City of London Magistrates Court, 1 Queen Victoria Street, London EC4N 4XY.

The first staff-officer jumped right over the second staff-officer's back...

Good news for Standard Class passengers!

This just in from Jumbo...

With politicians together with Sir Humphrey and his cohorts being reduced to joining lesser mortals travelling standard class, what is the future for first class in the UK?

Will Sir Humphrey decide that the abysmal standard class seating in FGW's high-speed trains meets his taste, or will he instigate changes?

We live in exciting times.

UPDATE: This from our International Correspondent...

Could it be that the aforementioned civil servants, finding themselves in straitened travelling circumstances, will follow the precedent of an earlier Liberal Prime Minister?

William Ewart Gladstone (for it was he) advised the Midland Railway in 1874 to abolish second class. (Presumably so that there was more space to minister to the needs of Ladies of the Night? Ed)

UPDATE: This from The Master...

Reduce the number of standard seats in Standard on FGW?

Dream on!

If all the Sir Humphrey's are to be accommodated there will be a need for more - not less seats.

Birchwood bow introduced for lanky pax

First there was the Harrington Hump.

Now Eye brings you the Birchwood Bow.


No doubt designed this way to cater for the taller passenger?

Pointless signs - Flixton

With a bowler tip to D0260

Pointless signs - Stourbridge Town

This from KingBBoogaloo...

Only one platform with one Pans People Mover serving one destination...


And still it gets three pages!

Virgin Trains - what's in a name

This from Tony Miles...

Virgin has its Pendolinos.

It has its Mk3 "lookalike set" dubbed the Pretendolino.

Now it has its short-Pendo - 390004 - down to 8-cars after Network Rail managed to almost write off one vehicle at Oxley - and dubbed this week the Petiteolino

They will also need a name for the 11-car sets when they are delivered..

Might I suggest the Extendolino?

Eye prefers the alternative name for the fleet - the Bendydildos.

UPDATE: This from Signor Mario Caravadossi in Roma...

Signore

I am disappointed that you 'ave forgotten that Pendolino is an Italian word when naming variations on the theme.

Pretendolino must be the first and last example of such Italish or Englian.

The eight car set now running must be the Piccolino and the extended 12 car units the Lungolinos.

That's all for now, the firing squad awaits. But do not fear, the rifles will be loaded with blanks.

Someone has bought Rail Express - Shocker

This from Billy Connections...

No - not just a single copy - the whole thing!!

Lincolnshire-based specialist magazine publishers Mortons Media Group Ltd, has purchased RAIL EXPRESS magazine from Foursight Publications Limited.

Assistant Editor Gareth Bayer will be moving to the role of Editor. Production of the title will transfer to Mortons Horncastle offices.

Philip Sutton will continue to develop other business interests, including the existing limited edition model commissions, from his offices in King’s Cliffe, near Peterborough.

Mortons also publish Heritage Railway magazine.

Transport Select Committee - Chaired by Labour?

Conservative blog The Blue Nation is suggesting that Labour will retain the chairmanship of the Transport Select Committee.

So will we see the return of Louise Ellman?

Eye of course would prefer that Tom Harris becomes the new Madame Chairman (with a deep doff of the bowler to the late and much lamented Gwyneth Dunwoody).

Unless of course Tom has an eye on a Shadow Cabinet post...

UPDATE: This from Tom Harris' blog...

"I’m not quite prepared... to give up hope of taking the fight to the government from the opposition front bench..."

NR timetabling - a tale of woe

Evidently the introduction of Network Rail's much vaunted Integrated Train Planning System has not gone well.

A stinging letter to Messrs Plummer and Gisby from the the Office of Rail Regulation (sadly not on the ORR's website yet) dated 20th May states:

Your introduction of the new integrated train planning system for the May timetable change has not gone well...

We understand that the problems encountered have included trains disappearing from the base timetable, an inability to handle portion working, operators unable to impost bids electronically and delays to the publication of the national rail timetable. This has affected data quality in downstream systems such as LENNON and ORCATS and TOC reservation systems, with knock-on effects on passenger and freight customers...

We are therefore investigating your management of the introduction of ITPS and its impact on operators and their customers...

There are three strands to our investigation:

A. to investigate the circumstances leading uo to the recent timetable problems, including the planning, testing, risk assesment and "go-live" decisions you took around ITPS;

B. to establish the direct impact of the introduction of ITPS on train operators and their passenger and freight customers; and

C. to review your plans for meeting your obligations in the short term and for ensuring these problems are not repeated in the long term (including at the December timetable change).

We hope to finish our investigation by the end of June...

Oh dear.

Producing a working timetable is pretty much the day job for Network Rail.

But at least one piece of good news.

Presumably the agenda for July's Annual Meeting will be too busy to allow similar scrutiny of the ITPS debacle by NR's plastic-shareholder 'members'.

How Whitehall works...

This from Sir Humphrey Beeching...

My esteemed former colleagues in Marsham Street tell me that their new masters, having got used to their new desks and red boxes and cancelled some expenditure, are looking for examples of their new Department's previous 'micro-management'.

Of course in true Yes Minister style the Marsham Street mandarins have a Plan A - which is to claim it was all a figment of RAIL's imagination, which should keep the pressure off for a few days.

Ministers will of course came back with 'What about IEP then?'

Here Plan B comes into play, admitting that the specification was indeed a disaster but that lessons have been learnt...

Fortunately the arrival of Sir Andrew Foster's review of the IEP on Friday should provide enough distraction to take us well into June. By which time our new masters should be dependent on what their officials tell them - like all good ministers.

It's always a tricky weaning ministers off their independent sources of information.

Fortunately the election saved us from Lord Adonis who had an annoying habit of making policy off his own bat!

UPDATE: This from Nigel Harris over at RAIL...

What's this?

“..a figment of RAIL’s imagination”

Typical - when in doubt, blame the press.

It’s a damned calumny I tell you.

Transport Select Committee news

MPs are to vote for the membership of select committees.

The secret ballot of the whole house will replace the previous system of appointment by Whips.

The Government accepted that recommendation of the Wright Report that Ministers and PPSs should not vote in the ballot for the Chair of committees which shadow their departments.

Nominations will close at 17:00 on Tuesday, 8th June.

The ballot will take place the following day, Wednesday 9th June between 10:00 and 17:00

Industry to bid Adonis farewell

Eye hears that ATOC members are planning a dinner to say a formal farewell to Lord Adonis.

And quite right too!

After all the Noble Lord was the most pro-rail Secretary of State we've had for ages (with due deference to the late Baron Ridley of Liddersdale).

Sadly, the Fact Compiler will be too busy to attend.

However, Eye would like to send a gift to the High Speed Evangelist.

Readers are invited to suggest what that should be?

UPDATE: This from Billy Connections...

A suitable present for Adonis would be the latest National Fares Manual.

He can practice falling off his chair in shock when he sees how much his Pilgrimage of Grice would have cost if he'd bought separate tickets on the day.

UPDATE: This from Charles Atlas...

Perhaps "dinner for two with Stuart Baker" so he can have one last chat with the Bi-Mode Evangelist before he is put out to grass? (Who, Adonis or Baker? Ed)

UPDATE: This from Captain Deltic...

Perhaps an All Line Rover before ATOC have another go at restricting its use on InterCity services until after 10:00?

UPDATE: This from a Mr Shipley of CSRE...

How about a scale model of a Chinese built HLOS type DMU, pushing a failed Class 319 EMU!

UPDATE: This from Steve Strong..

What about a tandem so that he and Wolmar can explore the delights of London together?

UPDATE: This from railway writer Peter Marshall...

The least he should get is a late night cuppa at Southampton (times is hard y'know).

Sadly as the Better Stations programme has been caped he may have a long wait... Ed

Pointless signs - Lichfield Trent Valley

With a bowler tip to Class 9 Swinger...


Indeed!

Pointless signs - Severn Tunnel Junction

Witha bowler tip to Class 9 Swinger...


Yes. It has been left unlocked...

Pointless signs - Waterloo

This from Iain H...

This taken at Waterloo last Thursday.


So were there Major Engineering Works on Saturday or not?

Where the axe will fall...

This with a bowler tip to Sir Herbert Beeching...

Eye's readers may be interested in the following savings agreed by my colleagues...

• A £309m reduction in the Department's specific grants to local authorities

• The Secretary of State is consulting the Mayor on a proposed £108m reduction in the Department’s grant to TfL, the same percentage reduction proposed across local government.

• Network Rail will reduce spend by £100m

• The Department is also making £112m savings in its direct expenditure.

• The Department will not be going forward in 2010-11 with planned spend on the HLOS rolling stock schemes that have not already been contractualised.

Wither IEP, Tram-Train and new fleets for London Midland & Thameslink?

Farewell Messrs Hall and Green, Stationers to the late Lord DafT Vader, and their Better Stations Programme?

Who knows?

One piece of good news.

Happily my First Division colleagues have confirmed that the entire £683m saving will no longer be achieved by simply cancelling Stuart Baker...

Desperate Times - Milton Keynes

Desperate times require desperate measures.

So Eye salutes London Midland!

This money making sign greeted queues of punters desperate to renew their season tickets on Saturday morning (with a bowler tip to A Frog)...


Thank goodness management attention is being devoted to the important things in life.

Why this must have raised almost all of £100 in additional revenue (before management time, production costs and poster erection and removal are taken into account).

Happily someone was keen to put their name to this witty revenue generating opportunity.

Eye wonders if the Customer Services Manager is related to Eddie?

A few more words on Hammond - the other one

Regular readers will recollect that former Shadow Transport Minister Stephen Hammond MP was not appointed to the new coalition government Transport team.

A shame.

However, Hammond S was appointed as PPS to Communities Secretary Eric Pickles yesterday.

Perhaps of greater interest to Eye readers is the news that he has also been tasked with liaising, on behalf of London MPs, with Mayor Boris.

NSE TOCs may wish to take note and keep Stephen's number close at hand...

Gibb suffers identity crisis - Shocker