Telegrammed by Eboracum (50A)
Railway Eye's free cut-out-n-keep industry definitions for use in 2009:
Barrier - Device for ensuring you definitely miss the train
Bonus - Large sum of money given to director regardless of competence
Bus - Inevitable alternative transport – see Network Rail engineering schedule for details
Christmas - Biblical holiday when the railway sleeps
Dinner - Sandwich and bag of crisps if you are lucky
Director - Fat bloke in suit with lots of money
Driver - Grumpy bloke who sits in the front of the train and ignores passengers
Fare - Thing that increases faster than rabbits on Viagra – See ‘Bonus’ and ‘Director’
Franchise - Something that disappears faster than Ali Bongo’s rabbit
GNER - (Eastern England trad.) Mythical halcyon concept from past history
Guard - Same as 'Driver' but sits at the back
Seating - Technique for balancing a laptop in you left hand and typing with your right whilst standing in gangway end spilling your coffee
Service - Surly and patronising treatment grudgingly thrust in the direction of passenger by staff member wondering if they will still have a job this time next week
Passenger - Person sitting in car in traffic jam
Timetable - Document detailing the time before which the train will not depart
More please...
UPDATE: Two from The Major...
Possession - (NR internal) Nine tenths of the law
Seat - (Obsolete) Place of comfort at which passengers received service
More please...
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