CymruBahn - ve have vays of making you vait!

This from one of Eye's more erudite readers...

As it is almost certain that Arriva Trains Wales will form part of a ‘Greater Deutsche Bahn’ we can surely expect our Teutonic friends to insist that station announcements are also made in German, as well as Welsh and English.

Picture yourself as the humble passenger, weighed down with luggage.

You are standing on the concourse at Cardiff Central, the time is 17.15 and you are awaiting the announcement of your through train to Holyhead.

The following announcement is then made:

‘’Y trên nesaf i wyro oddi Platfform Dau yn y 17.20 Trenau Arriva Cymru gwasanaeth i Gaergybi. Galw yng Casnewydd, Cwmbran, Pont-ypŵl a New Inn, Y Fenni, Henffordd, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Y Waun, Rhiwabon, Wrecsam Cyffredinol, Caer, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Bae Colwyn, Cyffordd Llandudno, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Cwm a Chaergybi. Llwyfan Dau am y 17.20 Trenau Arriva Cymru yn wasanaeth i Gaergybi. Pan fydd mynd ar y trên, os gwelwch yn dda meddwl y bwlch rhwng y trên ac ymyl y platfform. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr a Cymoedd yn cael eu stopio cais, a rhaid i deithwyr gwybod ir arweinydd ar y trên i drefnu ar gyfer y trên i atal, i ganiatáu iddynt i dân.

Der nächste Zug von Platform Zwei abzuweichen ist die 17,20 Arriva Trains Wales Service nach Holyhead. Calling in Newport, Cwmbran, Pontypool & New Inn, Abergavenny, Hereford, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Chirk, Ruabon, General Wrexham, Chester, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Colwyn Bay, Llandudno Junction, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Valley und Holyhead. Zwei Plattform für die 17,20 Arriva Trains Wales Service nach Holyhead. Beim Einsteigen in den Zug, Bitte beachten Sie die Lücke zwischen Zug und Bahnsteigkante. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr und Tal sind, beantragen stoppt, und Fluggäste müssen die Schaffner im Zug zu informieren, um den Zug zu stoppen ordnen, damit sie zum Aussteigen.’’

The next train to depart from Platform Two is the 17.20 Arriva Trains Wales service to Holyhead. Calling at Newport, Cwmbran, Pontypool & New Inn, Abergavenny, Hereford, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Chirk, Ruabon, Wrexham General, Chester, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Colwyn Bay, Llandudno Junction, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Valley and Holyhead. Platform Two for the 17.20 Arriva Trains Wales service to Holyhead. When boarding the train, please mind the gap between the train and the platform edge. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr and Valley are request stops, and passengers must inform the conductor on the train to arrange for the train to stop, to allow them to alight.’’

By the time that lot has finished, the train will be long gone!

UPDATE: This from Eastwestdivide...

Was the Arriva announcement translated by someone who can use a dictionary but doesn't know the language, or by a translation robot?

Fluggäste = "airline passengers" for one thing, and the rest of it is either gibberish, ungrammatical or Welsh (possibly all three).

"Gibberish, ungrammatical or Welsh" - is this not tautological? Eye suspects German announcements at Cardiff Central would be every bit as useful as those in Welsh.

UPDATE: This from Bulldog Drummond...

No doubt the Hun will get up to his old tricks and insist on the Germanisation of place names.

How about:

Holyhead as Heilgkopf
Newport as Neuhafen
Cwmbran as Cwmkleie
or
Shrewsbury as Spitzmausebestattend (a place where shrews are buried).

I'm sure our willing cooperation would hasten the rapid recreation of a vertically integrated railway, albeit one run from Potsdamer Platz.

UPDATE: This from Jens...

As a German and a nitpicker (ok, there's a tautology for you...) I'd like to correct the German version of your announcement.

A direct translation of the English announcement would be:

Der nächste Zug, der von Bahnsteig 2 abfährt, ist der 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales-Dienst nach Holyhead. Mit Halt in Newport, Cwmbran, Pontypool & New Inn, Abergavenny, Hereford, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Chirk, Ruabon, Wrexham General, Chester, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Colwyn Bay, Llandudno Junction, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Valles und Holyhead. Bahnsteig 2 für den 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales-Dienst nach Holyhead. Beim Einsteigen achten Sie bitte auf die Lücke zwischen dem Zug und der Bahnsteigkante. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr und Valley sind Bedarfshalte und Fahrgäste müssen den Schaffner im Zug informieren, damit der Zug anhält und sie aussteigen können.

But that's not how the Deutsche Bahn announces trains - it's just a translation of the English one.

Here's how a German one would look:

Auf Gleis 2 fährt ein die 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales-Bahn nach Holyhead mit Halt in Newport, Shrewsbury, Wrexham General, Chester und Holyhead. Auf Gleis 2 steht abfahrbereit die Arriva-Trains-Wales-Bahn nach Holyhead. Bitte Vorsicht an der Bahnsteigkante. Bitte beachten Sie, dass Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr und Valley Bedarfshaltestellen sind; Fahrgäste die dort aussteigen möchten, müssen die Haltetaste betätigen.

A literal translation would be:

On track 2...

(because on platform 2 the people are waiting for the train - don't want to squish them)

...is pulling in...

(because the train is not walking or flying. We don't want to confuse the passengers)

...the 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales train...

(Service... if you insist. But it's a train pulling in. Not a service. The service is that the train is running and pulling in right now. As I said. We Germans like it precise. If you talked about service in Germany, people would get confused, especially if that service is apparently pulling into a station right now)

...to Holyhead with stops in Newport, Shrewsbury, Wrexham General, Chester and Holyhead.

(They don't mention every little village on the way, they just give some of the major ones. You know. Because it's more efficient.)

On track 2...

(again, no squishy noises and no panic amongst the waiting passengers)

...is standing ready for departure...

(yes, "ready for departure" is one word in German. And we have another one for human beings ready for departure. We're awesome)

...the 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales train to Holyhead. Please display caution at the edge of the platform.

(We Germans are smart enough to know that there's a train involved and that is the reason you should be cautious)

Please observe that Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr and Valley are request stops; passengers who wish to alight here, should press the STOP button.

Seriously. "TELL THE CONDUCTOR"?

Hellooo!

Britain!!

This is the 21st century!!!

All services in Germany which have request stops have STOP buttons like those on buses which you can press to request a stop.

No wonder the Deutsche Bahn is entering the British train market. I guess the main motivation was pity.