Pointless signs - Barking

This from @AMonkster, Via Twitter...


They'll be waiting a long time to get to Liverpool Street!

UPDATE: This from Lazarus...

Actually they'll be waiting at most 16 hours (weekdays).

First train of the day at 05:06 goes to Liverpool Street, as do the 20:51, 21:11 & 23:57.

UPDATE: This from a Mr Boughen...

The only way to get from Barking P5 to Liverpool Street is either a reverse close to Upney or at Gasworks Junction & Stratford.

Services to Liverpool Street depart from P8 (or P7) due to the fact that they connect to the GOBLIN & Forest Green Jct.

UPDATE: This from Tony Miles...

Mornington Crescent! Do I win?

DfT preparing to cut services?

This from a Mr Taylor...

Is DfT trying to sneak in plans to cut service levels during the life of franchises?

And hand back money as a reward to the lucky TOC at the same time?!

This from p28 of DfT's Future of Franchising document:

5.14 It will be important, especially in the case of longer franchises, to ensure that the Department’s original specification can be amended during the franchise term. We therefore want to ensure that operators have an incentive to propose changes to service levels to reflect levels of use. The Department is therefore considering amending the current franchise agreement so that’ where operators propose sensible measures to reduce costs during their franchise term’ they will be rewarded by receiving a proportion of these savings.

5.15 Under the current process there is no incentive for operators to make sensible changes to services that are no longer justified, since any savings are returned entirely to Government. This in turn drives sub-optimal decision making. It will be important that any such changes proposed by the operator are justified, and the Department will always consider such changes.

Tut tut tut.

Still, it might mean there is hope for London Midland and CrossCountry after all.

UPDATE: This from @SWLines, via Twitter...

I am reminded of "DfT do not renegotiate franchises"...do they mean except when it is convenient for them, then? :)

2.5% pay increase for all grades!

This with a bowler tip to @kpmarek, via Twitter...

Amazing what you come across in staff areas of stations!


Seen in Kensington Olympia meeting rooms.

Edukation, edukation, edukation

This from AlanG...

Spotted on a bus stop in Leicester Road, Loughborough last weekend whilst there for a very enjoyable Great Central Railway diesel gala.


No comment required...

CymruBahn - ve have vays of making you vait!

This from one of Eye's more erudite readers...

As it is almost certain that Arriva Trains Wales will form part of a ‘Greater Deutsche Bahn’ we can surely expect our Teutonic friends to insist that station announcements are also made in German, as well as Welsh and English.

Picture yourself as the humble passenger, weighed down with luggage.

You are standing on the concourse at Cardiff Central, the time is 17.15 and you are awaiting the announcement of your through train to Holyhead.

The following announcement is then made:

‘’Y trên nesaf i wyro oddi Platfform Dau yn y 17.20 Trenau Arriva Cymru gwasanaeth i Gaergybi. Galw yng Casnewydd, Cwmbran, Pont-ypŵl a New Inn, Y Fenni, Henffordd, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Y Waun, Rhiwabon, Wrecsam Cyffredinol, Caer, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Bae Colwyn, Cyffordd Llandudno, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Cwm a Chaergybi. Llwyfan Dau am y 17.20 Trenau Arriva Cymru yn wasanaeth i Gaergybi. Pan fydd mynd ar y trên, os gwelwch yn dda meddwl y bwlch rhwng y trên ac ymyl y platfform. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr a Cymoedd yn cael eu stopio cais, a rhaid i deithwyr gwybod ir arweinydd ar y trên i drefnu ar gyfer y trên i atal, i ganiatáu iddynt i dân.

Der nächste Zug von Platform Zwei abzuweichen ist die 17,20 Arriva Trains Wales Service nach Holyhead. Calling in Newport, Cwmbran, Pontypool & New Inn, Abergavenny, Hereford, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Chirk, Ruabon, General Wrexham, Chester, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Colwyn Bay, Llandudno Junction, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Valley und Holyhead. Zwei Plattform für die 17,20 Arriva Trains Wales Service nach Holyhead. Beim Einsteigen in den Zug, Bitte beachten Sie die Lücke zwischen Zug und Bahnsteigkante. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr und Tal sind, beantragen stoppt, und Fluggäste müssen die Schaffner im Zug zu informieren, um den Zug zu stoppen ordnen, damit sie zum Aussteigen.’’

The next train to depart from Platform Two is the 17.20 Arriva Trains Wales service to Holyhead. Calling at Newport, Cwmbran, Pontypool & New Inn, Abergavenny, Hereford, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Chirk, Ruabon, Wrexham General, Chester, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Colwyn Bay, Llandudno Junction, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Valley and Holyhead. Platform Two for the 17.20 Arriva Trains Wales service to Holyhead. When boarding the train, please mind the gap between the train and the platform edge. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr and Valley are request stops, and passengers must inform the conductor on the train to arrange for the train to stop, to allow them to alight.’’

By the time that lot has finished, the train will be long gone!

UPDATE: This from Eastwestdivide...

Was the Arriva announcement translated by someone who can use a dictionary but doesn't know the language, or by a translation robot?

Fluggäste = "airline passengers" for one thing, and the rest of it is either gibberish, ungrammatical or Welsh (possibly all three).

"Gibberish, ungrammatical or Welsh" - is this not tautological? Eye suspects German announcements at Cardiff Central would be every bit as useful as those in Welsh.

UPDATE: This from Bulldog Drummond...

No doubt the Hun will get up to his old tricks and insist on the Germanisation of place names.

How about:

Holyhead as Heilgkopf
Newport as Neuhafen
Cwmbran as Cwmkleie
or
Shrewsbury as Spitzmausebestattend (a place where shrews are buried).

I'm sure our willing cooperation would hasten the rapid recreation of a vertically integrated railway, albeit one run from Potsdamer Platz.

UPDATE: This from Jens...

As a German and a nitpicker (ok, there's a tautology for you...) I'd like to correct the German version of your announcement.

A direct translation of the English announcement would be:

Der nächste Zug, der von Bahnsteig 2 abfährt, ist der 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales-Dienst nach Holyhead. Mit Halt in Newport, Cwmbran, Pontypool & New Inn, Abergavenny, Hereford, Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury, Gobowen, Chirk, Ruabon, Wrexham General, Chester, Shotton, Fflint, Prestatyn, Rhyl, Colwyn Bay, Llandudno Junction, Bangor, Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr, Valles und Holyhead. Bahnsteig 2 für den 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales-Dienst nach Holyhead. Beim Einsteigen achten Sie bitte auf die Lücke zwischen dem Zug und der Bahnsteigkante. Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr und Valley sind Bedarfshalte und Fahrgäste müssen den Schaffner im Zug informieren, damit der Zug anhält und sie aussteigen können.

But that's not how the Deutsche Bahn announces trains - it's just a translation of the English one.

Here's how a German one would look:

Auf Gleis 2 fährt ein die 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales-Bahn nach Holyhead mit Halt in Newport, Shrewsbury, Wrexham General, Chester und Holyhead. Auf Gleis 2 steht abfahrbereit die Arriva-Trains-Wales-Bahn nach Holyhead. Bitte Vorsicht an der Bahnsteigkante. Bitte beachten Sie, dass Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr und Valley Bedarfshaltestellen sind; Fahrgäste die dort aussteigen möchten, müssen die Haltetaste betätigen.

A literal translation would be:

On track 2...

(because on platform 2 the people are waiting for the train - don't want to squish them)

...is pulling in...

(because the train is not walking or flying. We don't want to confuse the passengers)

...the 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales train...

(Service... if you insist. But it's a train pulling in. Not a service. The service is that the train is running and pulling in right now. As I said. We Germans like it precise. If you talked about service in Germany, people would get confused, especially if that service is apparently pulling into a station right now)

...to Holyhead with stops in Newport, Shrewsbury, Wrexham General, Chester and Holyhead.

(They don't mention every little village on the way, they just give some of the major ones. You know. Because it's more efficient.)

On track 2...

(again, no squishy noises and no panic amongst the waiting passengers)

...is standing ready for departure...

(yes, "ready for departure" is one word in German. And we have another one for human beings ready for departure. We're awesome)

...the 17:20 Arriva-Trains-Wales train to Holyhead. Please display caution at the edge of the platform.

(We Germans are smart enough to know that there's a train involved and that is the reason you should be cautious)

Please observe that Llanfairpwll, Bodorgan, Ty Croes, Rhosneigr and Valley are request stops; passengers who wish to alight here, should press the STOP button.

Seriously. "TELL THE CONDUCTOR"?

Hellooo!

Britain!!

This is the 21st century!!!

All services in Germany which have request stops have STOP buttons like those on buses which you can press to request a stop.

No wonder the Deutsche Bahn is entering the British train market. I guess the main motivation was pity.

North London rumblings

This from the Sleeper

First supremo Mary Grant told West Hampstead public transport enthusiasts that Cricklewood Thameslink station would close, when a new, gleaming replacement was built at Brent Cross, a mile away.

Unfortunately, Cricklewood Thameslink is on the doorstep of ex-Mayor Ken Livingstone, who will not be too pleased.

Other members of the chattering classes also use the station.

Luckily for North London chatterati, Brent Cross has a stop order on it from the Secretary of State, so this matter will await whoever gets their feet under that particular desk after the election.

Arriva - Don't mention the war!

Evidently the sale of Arriva to Deutsche Bahn has been well received.

This from thisismoney.co.uk...

The successor company to Deutsche Reichsbahn, which ran the trains to Germany's Second World War death camps, won control of Sunderland-based transport group Arriva after a £1.6bn bid.

Gosh!

UPDATE: This from Captain Mainwaring...

Reichsplan phase 2 - in which the railways of Wales are taken over and the Cross-Country web brings a 5th Column penetration to all corners of the British mainland...

UPDATE: This from Billy Connections....

Confirmation that DB has been successful in its bid to take over Arriva is expected to result in a new system of seat reservation for CrossCountry Trains, which regularly suffer from overcrowding.

In response to complaints from passengers that the current miniature reservation displays, set into the overhead luggage racks at head height, are often wrong, or impossible to read - and on advice that these displays are not DDA compliant because of the small size of the lettering - a simplified system - TMS - is to be rolled out by the
end of 2011.

TMS or Towel Management System will, as the name implies, involve the laying out of a towel on any seats which have been reserved in advance.

This will be the duty of the Train Manager, although resistance is expected from RMT who consider this to be outside the current agreement for the "role of the guard".

Clearly the choice of TMS as the acronym is controversial as it is currently the designation for the onboard Train Management System, but with the German word for towel results on the phrase "Tuch-Management-System", which also results in the TMS acronym, DB has decided that the Train Management System will, in future, be known as the ZMS, based on the German "Zug-Management-System".

As a senior DB insider explained "The Towel, or Tuch, is such an important icon in German life we feel that the less important use of TMS for the onboard computer system will have to give way.

"We are also delighted to be introducing a new fully DDA compliant and environmentally friendly system for seat reservations."

The towels will be 100% Fairtrade cotton and, with careful handling, should give us many years of useful service.

Cry...

God for Harry, England, and Saint George!


Happy St George's day.

With a bowler tip, of course, to birthday boy Waggledagger.

And belated happy returns Ma'am.

UPDATE: This from Captain Deltic...

Or should that read Cry Havoc! and unleash the dogs of railway value for money reviews?

UPDATE: This from Archbishop Cranmer's blog....

Two thirds of voters (68%) in England believe England should have its own Parliament with similar powers to those of the Scottish Parliament, according to a new ICM poll for the Rowntree-backed democracy campaign group POWER2010 published on St George’s Day.

His Grace's perspicacity knows no bounds.

Hybridballs

Telegrammed by Our Independent Expert
Extra traffic from air disruption seems to have gone to Virgin's corporate head.

Weary standard class passengers on 17.56 Preston to Euston Voyager tonight were evicted with heavy luggage to recreate first class from standard class four-abreast coach they were already sitting in on grounds there were not enough first class seats.

When one passenger complained: "'I've paid nearly 100 pounds for this ticket" he was told by aggressive train member of train staff: "These are the rules mate, you've got to move right away. It's a hybid".

Hybrid?

Doh?

There will be many on tonight's train who will be cheering the return today of domestic air services.

UPDATE: This from the Premier Line Controller...

It is in fact just so - Virgin has returned to the the concept of the Composite coach, with a small twist.

Seating in Coach D is almost entirely table seating with generous legroom and a neat retractable table leaf to accommodate corporate growth (NB = corpus as in Habeas Corpus) and the coach has all the required services to operate as a First Class saloon (with a big on-line nudge and a wink!), as required.

Maybe some similar design initiative can be undertaken with the Pendolino fleet to make up for the non-appearance of coaches J and K, in the foreseeable future.

The 50 steerage passengers counted standing on a Sunday service to Glasgow between Euston and Bank Quay, and joined by a further crowd at Preston (many 'standing' for the full 4 hours 40 minutes) might well have appreciated a reverse regrading of a coach or two at the London end of the train.

Maybe a permanent working for a 12 -coach VT64?

Frontpage of the Standard....

It was the railway wot won it!


Don't you worry Andrew - after this week's bumper loadings there'll be jobs aplenty if you want to come back...

UPDATE: This from Trailer Second...

I couldn't work out why the aviation industry suddenly started behaving like the railway.

Tonight the railway eye brought sight to the blind.

Railway prepares for The Great Return

This from Network Rail...

Network Rail will be keeping the rail lines serving London's airports open around the clock tonight to help get stranded air passengers home.

Weekend engineering work on the Anglo-Scottish routes - the east and west coast main lines - has also been cancelled to enable more direct services to run.

Paddington, Liverpool Street, Victoria and Gatwick - some of Network Rail's, and the UK's, biggest and busiest stations - will also stay open around the clock tonight.

Network Rail is also talking to retailers at these stations about extending their opening hours to assist late arriving passengers.

Good effort!

Aviations 'Railtrack moment'

This from Captain Oveur...

Eye readers may care to compare and contrast the following.

Hatfield, England October 2000: Cracked rail due to rolling contact fatigue causes a fatal derailment. Railtrack don't understand the effects of rolling contact fatigue and shut down the railway. Travel chaos follows

London England April 2010: Ash cloud from Icelandic volcano drifts over Europe. Civil Aviation Authority doesn't understand the effects of ash on jet engines and shuts down the airways. Travel chaos follows.

Cue Coucher to set up not for profit Network Sky?

Eurotunnel - lost in translation

Apparently Deutsche Bahn is hoping to operate through the Chunnel in time for the Olympics.

According to Reuters:

Eurotunnel chief Jacques Gounon said: 'Deutsche Bahn has a real willingness. We can trust a house that powerful.'

Anyone got a Babel Fish to hand?

Lookalike - Sheffield Dalek

With a bowler tip to TheBufferStops.fotopic.net and @Maggie_Thatcher, via Twitter

Beware fake Virgin staff - Shocker

Merseyside police have warned rail passengers to watch out for a very large group of gentleman who appear to be impersonating Virgin train crew.


Apparently you can spot the fake ones by the noise their jewelry makes.

With a bowler tip to Who ate all the pies.

For the cricket lovers amongst you the Grauniad is live blogging the epic rail journey from Melwood to Madrid.

Come on you Hammers! (Is this right? Ed)

Election levity - but a serious point

With a bowler tip to Guido...


A nice bit of Labour Party self deprecation from Ali Campbell towards the end...

Train Lord's dark plans for Sheffield

Be careful what you wish for.

Regular readers will recollect that The Thin Controller surrendered Sheffield in the Battle of the Barriers.

Alas.

Evidently the Train Lord now plans to get his own back!

This from the Sheffield Star...

Rush hour commuters will be meeting Doctor Who's arch-nemeses tomorrow morning when the terrifying Daleks appear at Sheffield railway station.


As Davros might say "Do not anger me, Passenger. I can destroy you... and this miserable, insignificant station!"

Eversholt sale update

This from Reuters...

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - CVC Capital Partners and a consortium of Morgan Stanley Infrastructure, 3i Infrastructure and Star Capital have made indicative offers in the 2 billion pound ($3.1 billion) auction of HSBC's rolling stock firm, several people familiar with the matter said.

Looks like another nail in the coffin for investment in new rolling stock.

UPDATE: This from Gordon Gecko..

In fact the staple debt linked to the Eversholt sale reportedly includes £200 million for capital investment.

And DfT won't be able to afford the lease rentals on new trains after May 6 so the HLOS 1300 is nearer 700.

But no new trains means a lot more refurbishment, re-engineering and life extension.

We guys in red braces call it 'polishing the assets'.

Full services to all airports - by rail

Whilst the industry boasts about strengthening services to cater for increased demand it appears that dedicated airport links are running nearly empty.

This from AirRail News...

At 13:30 Monday Heathrow Express and Gatwick Express PR spokesman Stephen Forster reported that they are running normal services to the airports, but people are asking – is it necessary?

“Heathrow Express just went by. I counted 3 passengers on board. Why not run a restricted service?” asks one twitter user.

Now in the bad old days of BR someone would have taken the decision to shift some of those wasted resources to help provide additional capacity elsewhere (either directly or by freeing up trains and crew on other routes).

Alas, with today's myriad of operators and their micro-managed contracts all that matters is meeting PPM - even if the passengers have gone elsewhere.

UPDATE: This from The Master in cynical mode...

To be fair to HEx, trying to use their EMUs on reliefs West of Airport Junction wouldn't be too smart an idea.

UPDATE: This from Billy Connections...

Hangonnamo Mr Compiler...

Thought you understood PPM?

1) Heathrow Express doesn't publish PPM scores and AFAIK doesn't have a legal obligation to run anything - so as long as whatever does run keeps to time (to avoid disrupting other TOCs) they don't have to run at the usual frequency.

2) Gatwick Express & Stansted Express are measured for PPM on the timetable that is loaded into the "system" - which can be changed up to the end of the previous day. Their PPM would be measured against that.

Of course the two operators have a franchise commitment to run a certain level of service but if the DfT (prop. The Thin Controller) wants to gain a few brownie points then it can grant them permission to temporarily reduce the service and then make a boast about how green it is being by not forcing two TOCs to run empty trains around all day.

As long as they run to the temporary timetable they'll get a good PPM score (and Gordon Brown gets a better PM score...)

UPDATE: This from @BBCTravelAlert, via Twitter, at 15:25 on Tuesday...

with no flights in/out of Gatwick, the G Express tween Gatwick & London Victoria will run hourly both ways from 19.30 this evening.#ashtag

This frequency will remain in place until further notice. Morning & evening peak not affected & Brighton -Gatwick Express running as normal.

Once flights resume at Gatwick,the Express will return to its 4 trains per hour. to help incoming airline passengers to onward destinations,

trains will run though the night on a half-hourly basis each night until the backlog of passengers has ceased. yay for the Gatwick Express!

Good effort!

Monster Raving Loony - Policy achieved!

Telegrammed by Bulldog Drummond
Disappointed to see that the Monster Raving Loony Party (MLRP) has no manifesto commitments for rail in this election.

Past elections has witnessed the MRLP making special commitments to pretend branch lines are reopening, insisting timetables are sold as works of fiction as well as insisting on humane and gentle treatment for gricers.

This can only mean that the MRLP already considers the industry to be safely in the hands of loonies...

UPDATE: This from Boombasket Phasinggear Ftang Ftang Legg-out-of-bed Smythe, who is allegedly the MRLP railway spokesman...

Can I point out that our policies are firm and clear.

They include:

• Removal of electrification within 15 years to be replaced by hydrogen fuel cell powered self propelled trains.
• All intercity and outer-suburban services to be operated by ultra-lightweight Intercity Express Programme trains
• Level 3 ERTMS.

And all of which are based based on DfT Rail's own Rail Technical Strategy. (Stuart, is that you? Ed)

UPDATE: This from Lord Toby Jug of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party...



If only we could get Lord Toby included in Thursday's Leaders Debate...