Showing posts with label Bullshit bingo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bullshit bingo. Show all posts

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Atocballs - "corporate-wide horizon scanning"

This from Mr 1.609344 kilometers...

So ATOC is advertising for a new Public Affairs Manager.

Of course there is no requirement for any knowledge of, or even interest in, the railways.

After all in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king!


Clearly much more highly specialised skills are required in this demanding role.

For instance the
ability to:

3. Work effectively on a team basis with colleagues across ATOC to help the organisation to become more public facing to achieve its corporate goals, including the development of campaigns and corporate-wide horizon scanning

Corporate-wide what?!?

I have some decent binoculars - would they be an asset horizon-scanning-wise?

Monday, 21 September 2009

Network Rail Bullsh*t Bingo

Telegrammed by Leo Pink
Term of ill omen?

In his letter summing up the results of the the two workshops held with Public Members earlier this month new Network Rail Chairman Rick Haythornthwaite refers to a facilitator present at the events as "a thought leader in institutional investment governance".

Just what NR needs - state of the art management jargon.

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Bullshit Bingo Challenge #1

The Fact Compiler is grateful to Arriva Cross Country for sponsoring Railway Eye's first Bullshit Bingo Challenge.

CROSSCOUNTRY APPOINT HONEYCOMB AS CRM PARTNER
Software specialist Honeycomb has been appointed by CrossCountry as their CRM partner.

As one of the UK’s leading train operators, CrossCountry has selected Honeycomb to help ensure a customer-centric approach and to improve customer insight through their database management practices. This approach will not only support the Company’s growing marketing activity but also ensure that CrossCountry is speaking to groups of customers about the opportunities available to them.

CrossCountry’s CRM Manager Stephanie Adams said; “Here at CrossCountry our strategy is to put the customer at the heart of everything we do, to communicate with them and to understand exactly what they want from a train operator. Therefore after an extensive selection process we are delighted to be working with the highly experienced team at Honeycomb. The sophisticated CRM system that Honeycomb provides has a simple user interface and a highly professional eMarketing capability. These features will help build and improve on the dialogue between ourselves and our customers.

“We believe that Honeycomb is in a position to deliver an holistic approach and implement appropriate solutions that meet our needs.”

Further information etc...

The Fact Compiler would like to save Arriva a couple of bob by explaining that what customers "want from a train operator" is something called a train; preferably one which runs on time and goes where the timetable says it should go.

Was the PR monkey who wrote this tosh paid in money or bananas?