Come back Haydn...

Along to Modern Railway's Golden Spanner awards which celebrate the best improvements in fleet performance.

With the police busy locking up MPs who have embarrassed the Supreme Leader it is only right that today's awards ceremony should reflect the Age of Change.

Thus Comrade Deltic addressed the gathering from the podium and unveiled stunning train production figures for the next five years.


A number of comrades were seen to leave early. Their details have been recorded!

Alas, the same cannot be said for Rosco Angel Trains - which owned none of the winning fleets.

UPDATE: Generalismo Deltic writes:

"Generalissimo Deltic asks Eye to point out that the most reliable Intercity fleet is the IC225 trains operated by the East Coast Workers Collective and that it is the aim of the revanchist running dog lackeys of Marsham Street to replace these at an early date with the so called IEP which is likely to be the least reliable Intercity fleet .

"If this adventurism continues, the Generalissimo urges the serried ranks of railway workers, peasant and intellectuals, to rise up! And standing shoulder to shoulder to deliver a stunning rebuff to these decadent paper tigers, masquerading as rail management, as they cower in their bunkers."

Railway AgitProp Communique No 1

Last supper

Norfolk bon viveurs continue to campaign vigourously for the retention of restaurant cars on National Express East Anglia services.

With mounting local fury and accusations that removal of the caterers will be a breach of the franchise terms it's all looking slightly messy.

However, there is one piece of good news for the beleagured bus bandits.

Unused to the wicked ways of the world the innocents of Norfolk have trustingly petitioned Gordon Brown, emploring him to retain restuarant cars.

Blind fools! Newly enervated Comrade Brown has little time for such bourgeois frippery, especially as The Age of Change will consign all such extravagences to oblivion through the twin agents of recession and tax hikes. Long live the Proletarian Revolution! Long live the Age of Change!

Angry bonce?

More exciting news from the world of Kettles

A reader writes to pose the following interesting technical question:

"If Tornado's test runs have been so successful why did the team have to remetal the inside crosshead?"

Answers on a postcard please to Running (Hot) Foreman, York MPD

UPDATE: A contributor writes:

Surely the purpose of test running is precisely to flush out any minor mechanical flaws?

A hot crosshead resulting from a slightly inadequate oil way is exactly the sort of thing I’d expect during trials and is therefore hardly a valid target for your sharp approach.

Hey, there’s a real argument that to suffer only a hot crosshead on a brand new standard gauge engine is a triumph of testing, not a failure....?

The Fact Compiler will get his coat...

West Toast Railway

Telegrammed by Jack Ketch
West Coast Railway Company appear determined to continue making their mark, despite losing out to EWS on the operation of Tornado.

Thus on Monday the company treated the residents of Crewe to a splendid fireworks display courtesy of 37712

With four appliances in attendance and the juice switched off for an hour there was much to see.

Although sadly very few of the trains that passengers were actually waiting for.

Inflexible

A banker writes:

According to DafT's press release today about the invitation to tender for 1,200 new Thameslink vehicles:

"Carriages will be joined together permanently to form a train and will stay this way in a 'fixed formation' for the rest of their working life. This will make the manufacturing process simpler and more economical, and allows the trains to work more reliably".

Shame then that these trains, although more economical to manufacture, will be relatively expensive to lease given the residual value risk associated with such an inflexible formation.

Poor old DafT, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

How Green is my kettle

Telegrammed by Eboracum (50A)
The sharp eyed cranks amongst you will have noticed that all the recent test runs of new ‘Uber Kettle’ Tornado have been crewed by EWS rather than the expected operator West Coast Railways.

How can this be?

Alas, it would appear that the A1 Trust declined to paint the loco in BR Brunswick Green.

So the loco, in battleship grey, is now running on an EWS ticket.

Surprisingly the choice of photographic grey has proved surprisingly beneficial to the A1 trust.

Not least because it helped show off the logo of test run sponsor National Express to great effect.

Indeed so great was the horde of spectators lining the route of the first test run that Railway Eye understand a sponsor for the second mainline test has already been signed up...

UPDATE: A reader writes:

"It appears there is an inaccuracy with your latest post about Tornado - a sponsor for the 'second mainline test' is unlikely to have been found, because all 3 tests (light engine, 60mph and 75mph) have all been completed successfully.

Indeed, her next appearance in a few weeks time will be in apple green with British Railways on the tender."

Railway Eye stands corrected!

Pug

David Wilcock, Britain's most senior kettle-crank, has been ritually humiliated on national TV by botox powered witch Ann Robinson.

Poor old David was the second to be dumped in the latest edition of the Weakest Link..

But the greatest indignity to befall Britain's arch-puffer-nutter was when Ann commanded him to imitate an L&Y pug.

Mr Toad like he offered a feeble "puff, puff, puff".


To see David's abject misery click here and forward to 7.50 minutes into the show.

David, you ARE the weakest link....goodbye.

New Thameslink fleet

***Alstom, Bombardier, Hitachi and Siemens have been invited to tender today for 1,200 new Thameslink vehicles***

Read the DafT press release here.

Crossrail Programme Partner shortlist

***Crossrail, today announced that three organisations have been short-listed for stage two of the programme partner tendering process. The short-listed tenderers for stage two are Bechtel, Legacy 3 (a joint venture between Parsons Brinckerhoff, Balfour Beatty Management and Davis Langdon) and Transcend (a joint venture between AECOM, CH2M Hill and Nichols Group).***

Buffhoon Air

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
Still trying to find out more about the 200 vehicles being delivered earlier than not expected, it was time to give the DafT press office another go.

'Is that the rail desk' we asked?

'No, replied a clipped 'Captain Speaking' voice, 'this is the Aviation desk'

'Have I dialled a wrong number?'

'No, there's no one on the Rail Desk'.

'Copy that, AvDesk. Over and out'.

ITSO out-of-date

***The perils of modern technology explained***

Gerrymander Rail

So Geoff Hoon has decreed that Great Western, Northern and Transpennine will be the beneficiaries of "up to 200 new rail carriages".

In particular the Secretary of State wants to see the new vehicles benefit rail passengers in the "Thames Valley, around Bristol and on longer distance inter-urban services in Northern England".

The Fact Compiler wonders why?

Thames Valley:
Reading West (Lab)
Oxford East (Lab)
Slough (Lab)
Swindon South (Lab)
Swindon North (Lab)

Around Bristol:
Bristol South (Lab)
Bristol East (Lab)
Bristol North West (Lab)
Kingswood (Lab)
Wansdyke (Lab)

Inter-urban services in Northern England
City of Durham (Lab)
Kingston Upon Hull (Lab)
Leeds Central (Lab)
Leeds East (Lab)
Leeds North East (Lab)
Leeds West (Lab)
Liverpool Garston (Lab)
Liverpool Riverside (Lab)
Liverpool Walton (Lab)
Liverpool Wavertree (Lab)
Manchester Central (Lab)
Manchester Blackley (Lab)
Manchester Gorton (Lab)
Middlesborough (Lab)
Newcastle upon Tyne Central (Lab)
Newcastle upon Tyne East & Wallsend (Lab)
Newcastle upon Tyne North (Lab)
Sheffield Central (Lab)
Sheffield Attercliffe (Lab)
Sheffield Brightside (Lab)
Sheffield Heeley (Lab)
Sheffield Hillsborough (Lab)
City of York (Lab)

You get the idea...

Now if TrainSardine.Org could only force a couple of byelections on the Norwich - Liverpool route...

Buffhoonettes

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
A friendly call to the DafT press office to see if there were any further details on the up to 200 vehicles being brought forward from a never specified delivery date, brought the following reply:

"We don't have details on how they will be allocated to the TOCs".

According to their Master's statement:

"...an additional 200 train carriages to relieve congestion on the Great Western, Northern and Transpennine rail franchises."

And the press release says:

"The delivery of 200 new carriages earlier than originally expected for rail passengers in the Thames Valley, around Bristol and on longer distance inter-urban services in Northern England."

What sort of press office is it that claims not to have information that has been published in the House earlier that day?

Come back Miriam the railways need you more than aviation.

Clarification or more spin?

***Westminster sources saying Geoff Hoon statement at lunchtime today on the "up to 200 new rail carriages"***

UPDATE: Ministerial statement now expected at 15:00

Honourable and a member

Our elected members continue to find it easier to have a pop at TOCs over fares increases rather than hold the Department for Transport to account.

This from Dick Murray in today's Evening Standard.

"AN MP today warned of riots by rail passengers after fares were increased by more than twice the rate of inflation.

"Roger Gale, Tory member for North Thanet, described the increases, due to come into force in January, as "intolerable" and said that with people already suffering the effects of the credit crunch they could "lead to civil disobedience.

"Mr Gale has written to Charles Horton."

Why?

Earth to Roger Gale: Talk to the organ grinder rather than the monkey.

I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated.

As Lord Kinnock might say:

"A totally and utterly wicked slur has been perpetrated on the literally millions of totally and utterly welsh speakers by denying them the opportunity to hear their native tongue aboard services totally and utterly serving parts of Wales."

Hansard: Written answers 20th November, Railways: Welsh Language

Hywel Williams: To ask the Secretary of State for Transport what discussions he has had with First Great Western Trains and Virgin Trains on the use of the Welsh language in respect of (a) rail services provided in Wales and (b) cross-border rail services. [237845]

Paul Clark: The Secretary of State has had no discussions with First Great Western or Virgin Trains on the use of the Welsh language.

Pictured are Sir Beardie and Moir Lockjaw dressed totally and utterly as druids.

Agreeable luncheon

Good news for lawyers.

The Norwich Evening News reports on the campaign to save National Express East Anglia restaurant cars.

'Labour's Sue Whitaker, who raised the issue, said the franchise agreement was riddled with inconsistencies.

“It could be a field day for the lawyers,” she said. “In one part of the franchise agreement it talks about providing a buffet service, but elsewhere there is reference to a restaurant service on some trains."

Thank goodness one sector of the economy appears recession proof... allegedly!

Pre-Budget Report and the railway

Telegrammed by our man at 222 Marylebone Road
According to Alastair Darling's 2008 Pre-Budget Report today: "Up to 200 new rail carriages will be delivered earlier."

Since the egregious 'Rolling Stock Puzzle' does not contain a timetable for the delivery of any the 1300 (sic) new vehicles in the High Level Output Specification, how can vehicles be delivered earlier?

Elsewhere in the Report it says that there will be '£300 million to accelerate the delivery of up to 200 new carriages to expand capacity on the rail network'.

How can DafT accelerate delivery?

Only by placing orders in its own right before negotiations to changes in Franchise Agreements are concluded.

Which means telling TOCs, 'You're going to have these Electrostars we've bought as a job lot when they are delivered'.

This is an admirably sensible approach - which is why we don't think it is what the Pre-Budget Report means.

And that 'up-to 200' sounds distinctly fishy.

The only additional vehicles remotely capable of being 'accelerated ' are the 30 four car EMUs for NXEA and the 42 - oops 24 - extra DMU vehicles for TransPennine.

Predictably the running dog lackeys at ATOC welcomed this meaningless commitment.

UPDATE: Tom from Blairwatch writes:

"It did occur to me that since there's only one place you can build trains in the country, and it's full of people building trains, what was the point? If you ordered 200 Electrostar vehicles the delivery date would pattern-match 201x anyway - they've got those South African Electrostars, the Class 378s for Boris, the 2009TS for Boris and the 'S' stock for Boris to build first. My goodness, Boris is getting a big new trainset, isn't he?

"What might be fun is to engage in stimulus trading with the Germans. For instance, we could start by buying a job lot of off-the-peg Desiros (beefing up the Class 450 fleet would be favourite, guys), in return for the German police buying an equal cost in Jaguars, or something.

"Alternatively put some cash into refurbishing and life-extending the Class 150 fleet."

UPDATE: Sim Harris writes...

"That makes Bombardier sound too busy to take on any more, but not so.

"There is capacity for 8 lines at Litchurch Lane and only 5 are in use (not at all bad, but that still leaves 3). Gautrain is nearly complete, too.

"Bring the work on!"

Longrider rides out

"“non!”"

Pre-Budget Report and the environment

Wolmar also gives a thumbs down to the Pre-Budget Report, on environmental grounds.

Read Christian's piece here.

It looks like the Chancellor is struggling to win support.

As Ali D might say: "Is it because I is in the black?".