Caption competition

This extra-ordinary image reaches Eye from an 'Anonymous' reader.

It purports to show Paul Bigland, the Pictographer Royal, attending the unveiling of some slightly soiled PPE in Indonesia in 1992.

Paul is on the far left, and is that a youthful Iain Coucher we spy on the far right? (no it's bloody well not! Eye's Legal Dept.)

Eye readers are invited to supply slightly wittier captions at the usual address: thefactcompiler@yahoo.co.uk

UPDATE: This from Dave over at Railtalkmagazine...

How about "New NXEC uniforms reveal depth of crisis."

Or

"New east coast franchise to be stripped to basics."

UPDATE: This from a Mr Boyd

"The Village People preview their latest hit, 'In a Pendo!' "

Or maybe Bigland does a Rod Stewart, "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy!"

Pointless signs #1

NR launches new level crossing lights

This just in from a Mr Snow...

I wonder if Eye readers might have chanced on this natty little graduate brochure from NR.

If you turn to page 13, you will see a nice picture of a most unusual set of wigwag lights.


Could this be a new standard pioneered by one of NR's recent trainees and now being rolled out nationally?

If so, perhaps it accounts for some of the crossing abuse that we see so much of these days.

Perhaps time NR had a quiet word with the graphic designers.

Readers letters

Hello 'fact' compiler,

You will probably find this totally humourless and stick it on your blog so you can take the piss out of it, but here goes anyway.

It's about your response to my email of a week ago concerning the car on the line on the ECML, I know it's a bit late but I've only just seen it.

First, where did I sign myself "concerned" NR employee?

I realise it was meant as a joke and was responding in similar vein, hence the reference to the hard hat which certainly wasn't meant seriously.

Secondly, I was also making a reasonable (I thought) point about not doing potentially dangerous things.

When you work in a signalbox and have safety drummed into you every day, yet have to watch others doing daft things, you become a bit sensitive on the subject.

Anyway sorry to be po faced but if you are going to put people up for ridicule you might take the trouble to actually read what they write.

I will still say keep up the good work though.

Ivan (unconcerned NR employee).

Who let the dogs out?

Good news for the people of Kenilworth!

This from a Network Rail press release:

NETWORK RAIL INVESTS £950K IN A BETTER RAILWAY FOR KENILWORTH PASSENGERS

Good news indeed.

No doubt the burghers of Kenilworth* will rejoice to see ever faster and more reliable trains pass through their town without stopping.

*Kenilworth is a town of 24,000 souls and has no station.

NXEC takes the biscuit!

This just in from '20 year commuter'...

The service deterioration on National Express East Coast has been well documented by Eye.

But now it looks like hand-back mode has really kicked in as 'Adonis-Dunkers’ have now started gracing first class tables.

In recent months hard-working but weary travellers on the East Coast have been treated to 25g of tasty biscuit delight, courtesy of Walkers (the biccie people not the crisp purveyors).

The normal twin biscuit bonanza offered passengers such sumptuous flavours as Belgian chocolate, oat crunch, stem ginger and the classic shortbread.

Alas, this week they seem to be getting fewer and further between as the cheaper Walkers ‘shortbread mini round’ (at a very mini 11g) takes over.

Woe is me – not enough biccie to dunk in the tea!

UPDATE: The Major crumbles:

Some passengers may be seeing smaller biscuits, others are seeing none whatsoever.

Here's hoping Elaine does biscuits...

NXEA announces 10th July for 'End of the Pier Show'

Despite My Lord Adonis consigning National Express' franchises to the dustbin of history the company is still looking on the bright side.

This from the National Express East Anglia press office (via email, sadly missing from their website)...

The Cromer Pier summer seaside special is on track as National Express teams up with the cast of the famous end-of-the-pier show in a unique double bill at Norwich station on Friday 10 July at 10.00am

Read that again...

National Express... teams up... end-of-the-pier show... double bill... 10th July!

Quicker even than the noble Lord had dared hope for!

Or perhaps it's just Beau Bowker's official leaving do.

UPDATE: This from Leo Pink...

Surely National Express would rather see the end of the 'peer' show?

2009 Railway Garden Competition #6

A particularly strong entry from Chester this year.

This, their second submission within just two days (view Tuesday's here)!

The latest offering from 'Shiny Shoes' who sends a picture taken at Chester station this very morning.

With some excitement he announces that "the garden now extends to both sides of the station".


The Eye hopes Shiny Shoes and co will keep us posted on the progress of Chester's Railway Garden.

Who knows, with big fat juicy bonuses just around the corner, perhaps the NR Board might want to dip into their own pockets for a spot of vegetation control?

2009 Railway Garden Competition #5

Acid rain my derriere!

At least, so it would appear from this splendid entry for the 2009 Railway Garden Competition.

Pictured is Didcot.

Notice the nicely blurred platform edge - what a beautiful sight anyone falling betwixt track and train will behold, should they miss their footing.

Good effort First Great Western and Network Rail.

Lord Adonis = Baron Marples!

Good news indeed.

Lord Adonis wants to play Ernest Marples to Gordon's Harold MacMillan.

As the noble Lord reminds us, Marples had the vision and drive to deliver Britain's first motorway, "allowing the UK to enter the European transport mainstream".

Of course Andrew wants to do this with High Speed rail.

Quite right and good on him too!

But what's this?

Over at the the British Cartoon Archive can be found the following image of the late Baron Marples.

And the caption to this 1960 Daily Express cartoon?

"Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, no train - but, instead, you can read about the lovely trains your grandchildren will ride in."

Surely Cummings couldn't have had the IEP in mind?

UPDATE: This from Charles Yerkes...

This is nonsense.

Adonis is nothing like Marples!

Not enough hair for a start.

Lookalike XIX - How to recognise a junior DafT minister

NatEx,Cross Default and another broken promise?

This from Crow Bar Bob over at the RMT...

“Both Andrew Adonis, and Geoff Hoon before him, made it quite clear to RMT that if National Express defaulted on the East Coast they would be stripped of the c2c and East Anglia franchises and that there would be no reward for failure. We are calling on the government to stand firm, to get this company off our tracks and to seize the opportunity to begin a long-term programme of renationalising the railways.”

Perhaps My Lord Adonis and Geoff Hoon of that Ilk should have looked at the contracts a little more closely before making promises they can't keep.

It doesn't rain but it pours

This from the Independent...

Rail workers at a National Express train company are to be balloted for industrial action in a row over pay and working conditions, it was announced today.

Always good to remind the government why it handed over rail operations to the private sector in the first place.

2009 Railway Garden Competition #4

As today is the 7th of the 7th, probably time for a spot of reflection...

However!

Good news.

There is new life on the railway.

This taken at Chester - gateway to the Principality - only today.

At least the weeds almost render Northern's 'experimental' livery less offensive.

Modally antagonistic

This from New Civil Engineer...

Transport minister Chris Mole officially started work to widen the busy A46 in Nottinghamshire after the project was accelerated as part of the Department for Transport’s £700M fiscal stimulus package.

Still no news on the 200 DMU vehicles "accelerated" in the Pre-Budget Report 2008...

Face ache

This from the Daily Telegraph...

Japanese railway workers face enforced "smile scans" every morning in a bid to boost their customer services, it has been claimed.

Apparently Lord Adonis is very interested in this new technology and is keen to to see its use mandated in future franchise agreements.

Eye understands that a top secret trial of the machine took place at King's Cross as recently as last Wednesday.


The manufacturers have assured the noble Lord that it can be repaired.

Three degrees of separation

This just in from NR's Internet Rapid Rebuttal Unit...

This is fantastic, a shot-for-shot re-creation of Top Gear level crossing crash in Lego!



It's not that bleedin' good!

The original featured a Type 2 rather than a Type 5.

2009 Railway Garden Competition #3

This verdant vista can be seen at Clapham Junction, Britain's busiest railway junction.


Although frankly it could just as well be a branch heading into the jungles of Belize.

Wheels of fire

Good to see that the 'sparks effect' has reached South Devon.



Those who say that driving is now a "semi-skilled" operation may just have a point.

UPDATE: This from the 'The International Rantiquarian'...

I see the Fact Compiler is taking an interest in wheel rail interface deficiencies.

He has always been blessed with a fine technical mind (shome mishtake, shurely. Ed).

Here are a couple more from the Golden Age of Steam (i.e after it evolved into theatrical traction/nostalgic toy)

1. Blue Peter becomes, er, broken.

IC Special Trains Unit coughed up £37,000 compensation to the engine's owners (in the STU's last year of trading before becoming Waterman Railways and then just a memory), after the Knight of The Iron Road broke his mighty steed and all the outside motion flew off.



2. And proof that privatisation hasn't helped much in the footplate professionalism stakes.

Ian Riley's 76xxx pocket rocket is helped by Light Pacific Tangmere to look utterly foolish in Devon. The drivers were from Merlin and EWS respectively and dismally failed to reach any sort of understanding, clear or otherwise, when they left St Davids for their trip almost to Central.



Spookily, given the legend that Ye Olde Steam Men used to drive by the seat of their pants, BOTH incidents saw the drivers attempting to restart their ruined machines as if nothing had happened.

Perhaps their bottoms were numb with excitement?

Crikey!

Say as you see

This just in from 'Is 1A03 out of Chester yet, Bert?'...

I wonder if Eye readers might be interested in this extract from the signal box diagram at Attleborough.

The names they came up with on 'The Sweedey' as it was known to GN blokes.

Well that's Norfolk for you.