Shocking scenes at Crewe on Tuesday, during a visit by Philip Hammond to the LNWR Heritage Apprentice Scheme.
During a tour of the LNWR Heritage facility an enormous eagle was seen to launch an unprovoked attack on the Transport Secretary!
The deranged eagle is believed to have escaped from Arriva's nearby LNWR depot.
Reichsbahn spokesman Doctor Ing Zetruth said "Despite the DfT unaccountably failing to shortlist Arriva for any franchises we do not in any way hold Herr Ham-and-Eggs responsible for this gross slur on the glorious railway undertakings of Greater Germany.
"There is no truth in the scurilious suggestion that the eagle was only following orders." he added.
The Secretary of State was unharmed and the eagle has been returned to Berlin, where it was awarded the Iron Cross (Bird Class).
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