Germany sends gunship to enforce Thameslink!

This from Ann Adaptor (with additional reporting by Mike Flex and Mike Stand)...

Just three weeks ago it looked as if Berlin had successfully annexed the Thameslink Corridor.

In what was seen as a deft political move the previous administrator of the region, Sir Paper-knife, was kept in post and given an unlimited supply of stationery with which to keep his subjects happy.

Yet three weeks later all is not well in Germany's newest enclave. The leader of Sir Paper-knife's political party, David 'Lap-Dog-Murdoch' Cameron, has gone into hiding. There is growing and voluble dissent in the area known as the 'Westminster Village' and Sir Paper-knife's hated enforcers, the Marsham Street Macoute, have been inciting East Midlands dole queues by waving envelopes at them.

In response to the deteriorating security situation Berlin has been forced to dispatch its latest gunship, the MS Deutschland Uber Alles, which berthed today at London's Docklands.

Defence sources believe that today's deployment places the Uber Alles within easy shelling distance of Great Minster House, home to the increasingly unstable Sir Paper-knife and his loathed Macoute.

According to Der Daily Mail, a news paper with historic links to Berlin...

Isle of Dogs-based Mr Smith, who has worked on the River Thames and in the docks since 1962, said: 'This is the largest ship that I have ever seen navigate through the lock.'

'Bringing MS Deutschland into the docks is a real achievement.


'The manoeuvre into the confined space of the lock shows how good planning, combined with the skill of the teams involved, worked to ensure the berthing operation was successful.'

Despite such German ingenuity resistance to the Teutonic expansionists continues to grow, led by an enigmatic figure whose very name resonates amongst all free born Englishmen. According to resistance sources their leader is a shadowy figure known only by the iconic name of St Margaret a Beckett (cont' p94)...

iDave remains in hiding. Sir Paper-knife remains convinced it is everyone else's fault.